In Session Today: Part IV

I had a beautiful session with t today. I might write about it later . It will be hard to capture how healing and meaningful it was. I'm doing good work with t, he kept saying he's so excited. He said he's proud, and that this is a big step, and a very good sign. One of my most favorite sessions.

I support the use of meditation, exercise, and mindful breathing and have found they do decrease my anxiety. However, I've found CBD oil (cannabidiol) to be pretty amazing. It does not have THC in it (the stuff in MJ that makes people high, although some brands have more than a trace) and there have been some limited studies showing it effective for anxiety. I originally got it for my arthritic dog (it comes it pet formulas and was vetted by my homeopathic vet), then I asked my kid with mild ADHD if he wanted to try it (also some effectiveness studies for ADHD. I know many older people who take it for pain (arthritis). I faceplanted on my wood floor last week trying to avoid stepping on a cat (succeeded) but really hurt my wrists, shoulders, and calves. I grabbed the ice packs and then decided to take a dose of the CBD. I noticed right away while driving (which I find stressful) that I was both relaxed but more alert, as if my vision were clearer and wider on the periphery. I continued to take it through a work trip this week, again felt so much less anxiety in a new situation, new place driving, trying to figure out the person I was working with. Better sleep.

I don't think it helps my dog, unfortunately. My son does report reduced anxiety and great focus in school.

I've been taking Queen's City CBD oil in the highest concentration. My food coop carries it and I trust the people there who vet all kinds of supplements. I also found out a natural food store with a big emphasis on supplements (and an awesome owner who knows tons) also carries it.

i keep hearing about CBD oil all over the place to help with anxiety. I really think I should try it...but to know where to begin is overwhelming.

sounds great and I'm glad you are making progress

I left my therapist. Last session I wanted to bring up some symptoms I've had since a teen (which included derealization) and she didn't want to hear it. She said I was making excuses for not getting better which is untrue. And she said all the pills in the world wouldn't help me. I had it with her lecturing.

Thanks, I've read some about this, mostly regarding my D, but I suspect it could help me, too. Might have to check that out...

I get the sense that Blondie thinks I tell her stuff that would mostly make for entertaining writing.

Today, she told me that as entertaining as x stories might be (we went down that path and I was talking about some non-serious stuff for a bit), she wanted to know how I was really feeling. (Miserable, per usual, I said.)

She’s also made similar comments previously — that I could take my life experiences and turn it into a book.

I can’t tell if she’s figured out that it’s a defense (of observing my life and looking at it in a way that would allow me to sort of novel-ize it) that has served me well or if she really thinks I’m just wasting her time and mine.

Oh well.

Definitely sounds like you made the right decision.

I told him about transference (paternal and erotic) and other stuff. It was really embarrassing, but I did it. I also showed him some of the responses from my thread about his baby (without nicknames or anything). He said he didn't know that it can be so painful for a client when therapist talks about his children or family in general. Well, I'm glad he learnt something new today. I hope he doesn't hate me.

Proud of you, capt.

I don't like to do much details on here but I'll share a bit. Today was my birthday session. We went on a walk, it was finally nice enough to not have my coat!

Then we talked about my love feelings more, he is still understanding about how its more family/friend like and gets it and says that he wanted me to know it's ok if i ever feel more than that... he wont shame me or anything, he is completely ok with it and does not want me to be scared to tell him... but i said i would be anyway lol

we also talked about my weekend of anxiety over his trip and what prompted my voicemail. he knows i need stability and routine as much as possible and promised to do that the best he can.

he took pic with me for my birthday too. was a nice time

Geez of course talking about kids is painful for many of us clients! You performed a public service today

Happy birthday btw!!!

Thanks growly.

Seriously, how can T's not realize this! (Clearly MC doesn't, because he goes on about his kids all the time. Current T seems to get it, barely mentioning his kid.) So thanks, Capt.

I feel like we as PC need to issue PSAs (Public Service Announcements) to T's. First one, "Talking about your kids can be painful for many clients. Don't do it!"

Is that true for most, though? It has no effect on me to hear about my therapist's children. If a therapist refrains from talking about something because a subset of clients would be upset, does that mean no one can be talked to? It seems very limiting.

I think it could just help if they're mindful of it and maybe check in with their clients about it. If a client has expressed any feelings of transference, particularly paternal/maternal, they should be especially careful.

A client with fertility issues or who lost a baby or who strongly doesnt want children but feels judged for that also might or might not have feelings about this, especially if the T selectively discloses often about this. I think some Ts find it a safe chitchat subject or to offer "for examples" . Clients who were abused by parents also could find it uncomfortable to picture T as a parent.

I could also see it making a nice bridge with other kinds of clients.

Judgement call by T.

We are saying the same thing. It is specific to the client. What I was responding to was the idea that a therapist should not talk about their kids, as if it's obviously a bad idea for most people. I sometimes read a similar admonition here when someone is upset by a therapist's action, and they think everyone would be upset so that it should be a thing that no therapist should do (such as between session contact). It's limiting to suggest it's an across the board thing to not share. This forum can be an echo chamber at times, as though there is one type of client or way to do things. I was just pointing out a difference.

How do you know it does not cause me harm to withhold information? Why should I have to pay the price because someone else might not take it well? Again, my point is the same that you are making. A therapist needs to look at the individual and assess what and how much to share.

Leave me alone. Do not copy or comment on my posts. And do not tell me when to stop speaking. If you don;t understand me, then leave it.

I gave my T a birthday present in February . It was the book "Oh the places you'll go by Dr Seuss.", a small gift card and chocolate with a card.

He said that his daughter and he both loved it in email. Upon reading his daughter's name I felt a pang of sadness, because I wish I had a father who really loved me.

I did not tell you to stop speaking. You literally just told me to though. Oh, the irony. Please feel free to block me.

If anyone wants to know about my session, PM me. I don't feel comfortable having the details of it here anymore.

I told you not to quote me. I said nothing about anything else you do. Get it straight. And stop quoting me.

T today. Went back and sat down. Commented on the weather and snow days the past couple days. I said how I'd really struggled on D's days off, especially Wednesday, when I had lots of work due. Gave more detail of that day and how I felt like H wasn't being as helpful as I'd wanted him to be. T seemed understanding and empathic.

During that, I started to say something, I forget what, and then corrected my own grammar midsentence. He laughed and commented on how I did that, then asked if I'm able to keep from doing that (I'm an editor by trade). I said it's hard to not do it, and "It's something I have to work at." To which he said, "Like ending a sentence with 'at'?" I laughed and said "Yes, like that!"

I told him about Thursday night and the fight I had with H while we were out at dinner. How, maybe I was raising my voice a bit, but I definitely wasn't shouting, and the restaurant was pretty loud. But H said to me, "Use your inside voice." Which angered me, because he was talking to me like he talks to our 6-year-old daughter. I told T I was ashamed to share what I did next because I know it was bad. He asked what it was. I said I flipped him off (like flipped my middle finger at him). T said that's not so bad. How apparently what H said just went "Pow!" in my head. I said I knew I shouldn't have done it, that it was disrespectful, but I felt H had been disrespectful of me in saying that. T commented on how he was talking to me like a 3-year-old.

I said how in the past I would have just heard what he said and felt bad, but not done anything back. How in the past couple years, it's like I'm fighting back more. But I know I'm doing it wrong. T said it sounds like before I was being passive. Which is only thinking about other person's feelings, not your own. And now I've shifted to aggressive, which is mostly thinking about my own feelings. How the ideal is to be assertive, which is considering both my and the other person's feelings.

He added that it's definitely progress that I am saying something now. But to be more assertive instead, it's like I have to sit with my feelings for a bit before speaking. He compared it to a singing bowl, how in that the sounds swirls a bit much like feelings. And he gave an example of how I could have responded to H that would have been assertive. I forget the exact words, but something like, "It felt condescending when you told me to use my inside voice. I know that I'm talking a bit loudly, but please respond to me as I am an equal adult." How it might still bother him, but is less reactive. That what I did would be most likely to lead to escalation. He said how the first minute of a fight, the tone, tends to predict how the next 14 minutes will go. So basically, if the first person goes on the attack, it's up to the other to determine how to respond.

I talked briefly about how MC hadn't been helpful in dealing with anger/arguments. How he tended to act like everything H did or said was fine, that I just was being too sensitive, stuff like that. T said how I'd made similar comments before, that he seemed to normalize everything H did. I said yes.
Talked some about H's occasional anger issues, like the one time he punched the wall or would say something really disrespectful toward me or would throw an inanimate object at which he was angry (like, his computer isn't working, he throws his mouse). T said he could understand how that happening a couple times would make me live in fear of H hitting that level of anger again. I said yes, and I appreciated him understanding that. How MC just acted like some of those things were common, so no big deal. T: "Just because it's common doesn't mean it's OK." It really helped to hear him say that.

(Note to people reading this: Please don't jump in and talk about how all those expressions of anger are totally OK. I'm writing about my session and my experiences/feelings and how my T is understanding and validating them. I don't want this thread to turn into a "how to express anger" debate.)

We were about 2/3 through the session when I mentioned I'd written the goals about drinking that we'd discussed last session. T said, "I'm sorry, we can talk about them." I said no, that this was helpful, that we can talk about them next time. How I was just letting him know I'd written them. He said, "Well, you still get an A+ for doing your homework!" I laughed and said thanks.

Talked a bit about parenting. T said how when you choose a partner, you never know how they'll respond to different things, like having kids, getting sick, etc. That you just kind of have to cross your fingers and hope. I said that's interesting, because I had just assumed that H would be the "fun parent," because he's more playful, while I'd be stuck as the disciplinarian. But that somehow, H ended up being both the fun one AND the disciplinarian, and I'm just random other stuff. T said that there doesn't just have to be one parent in each role. Like we can *both* be the "fun one," but just in different situations. He gave the example of H roughhousing with her, while maybe I have a tea party with her or play outside with her. I said it helped to hear that.

Was near end of session. I commented on how going twice a week has been helpful to me. Because, on Tuesday, we talked about the drinking stuff. And today we talked about something that had happened this week. How in the past, with going weekly, I'd end up talking about what happened that week, then the bigger issues would keep getting pushed aside. T said maybe I'm just better at focusing on bigger issues now. I said I think it's the twice weekly. And then I added, "But I don't plan to do this in perpet-- forever--I always have trouble saying that word!" He said, "There's no limit on it. You can keep coming twice weekly as long as you want." I thanked him, saying that was good to know. Said I'd heard how some T's limit it to crisis only. He said, "That's insurance." I said yes, but I thought also some T's. How my insurance had seemed OK giving me out-of-network benefits (60% back) for multiple visits a week so far, but if that changed, I might not be able to afford twice a week. He said he understood that.

Scheduled for next Friday (Tuesday already on books) then I asked to schedule the following Monday (instead of Tuesday) due to D's school schedule/H's vacation. He said "Sure" and found a slot. Paid, shook his hand as he said, "Until next time?" I said yes and "Have a good weekend." He just said "Thanks!" (No wishes back???) I said "It is Friday, right? It's confusing with the snow days." He said, "It is confusing. Yes, it's Friday. Take care." I said "You too" and headed out.