[DP_2017]

I know there is plenty of past threads like this.... but I'm not gonna browse through them all

I'm curious on hugs in therapy, it's a very controversial topic in the therapy world it seems. Vast majority of T's do not hug/touch from what I read.

So....

Does your T hug? If so, how often? Is it an A Frame hug (typical of huggy T's) or something else? Is your T male or female?

If no, do you wish they did?

In general, do you think hugs belong in therapy or not?

[elisewin]

Mine does! Warm, close real hugs and it is beautiful. Usually I ask, and for some reason (holiday coming or I really need it). Not very often, there can be several months between but I know I can always hug her and I like it. I don't have a general opinion if it belongs to therapy or not. It can belong if both parties feel 100% ok with it and the result is positive.

[Cornucopia]

Mine did not. Actually he rarely even looked at me- or, he did- but we rarely had eye-contact. He closed his eyes when I tried to glance at him after I had said something I wanted to see his reaction to.
That might seem odd, but it had its reasons.
I needed a space totally free of judgement and/or opinions at that time. I just needed a space with no rules other than the freedom to speak.

I do miss him, maybe I will go back sometime in the future.
Now I am seeing someone because I am in the process of getting diagnosed. (Last time I just wanted someone to talk to)
He always smile and we have eye-contact whenever I look at him. I am not so good with eye-contact, I am pretty much all over the place.
I don’t know if he hugs, I don’t like that- so it’s not something I have the answer to. We have shaken hands the first time.
It looked like he was gonna do it the second time aswell, but I prevented that by greating with a head-nod and a smile instead.

I miss my former one, but I do like the one I am seeing now. But it is short term, after diagnosing me I am getting a new one… Oh well, I’m gonna give it a shot. If it doesn’t work out I can always call my former one.
(Private, so more expensive)

[amicus_curiae]

Um, like, no.

My last therapist was a paraplegic and I, having no legs, am in a wheelchair, too. He was not capable of shaking hands or hugging.

I’m a hand-shaker. I collect handshakes. In my waning years I’ve abandoned hugging but I was never a shrink-hugger. No one taught me any rules about therapy and therapists but there were — there are — innate boundaries in those relationships, I believe.

Actually... I don’t like to be touched. Handshakes, yes, no problem. Health care professionals can touch me anywhere and I feel no discomfort. But, now that love has fled, no, no hugs that could be mistaken for intimacies.

[SalingerEsme]

My T keeps a 3 foot rule with all patients. I can't even imagine him hugging in that context, and he is a stickler about rules in general. He takes a dim view of any T allowing hugs, and he seems like strict supervisor when we've discussed. I am out of touch with if hugs might be nice or not, because he is my only experience with therapy, and a Nono off the table so it doesnt cross my mind.

[nottrustin]

T and I hug at the end of every session. It is a warm accepting hug that takes a few moments. If it has been a hard session it will last longer and she will rub my back while hugging me.

She asked me if she could give me a hug the first few times after we discussed something very painful. For me, it has been very therapeutic. It showed me she accepted me and worthy of having people care about after revealing my horrible disgusting past. Also that there is such a thing as safe touch from people other than my husband.

[satsuma]

No, no hugs. T is very careful about respecting my personal space. I like it that way, it feels very safe. I think I would be conflicted about any kind of touch with T. I feel very close to him emotionally, but no hugs or touch of any kind.

[confused_77]

Even when we met in person each week we never hugged and i never expected that.
Its something that I dont need or expect. i dont think there was ever a time when i needed any physical contact in therapy: touching hand. hand shake, hugs. i am very comfortable with touching in general. both hugs with friends, sensual touch in a relationship etc
to me there is no need for it in therapy. it would feel unnecessary and forced.

[junkDNA]

I hug t. I wrap my arms around and lay my head on his shoulder... He pats or rubs my back. It's not a frame but it's also not too close for comfort. T has never had a problem hugging me. Sometimes he asks if I want one, sometimes I ask. We don't hug every session

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Mine doesn't hug me (or do it in general from what I can tell).

He told me twice that he doesn't do it, once his explanation was "that'd be... that'd be... yes..." while sounding very outraged xD The other time he said something about how I need to learn to comfort myself, and if he'd hug me, I'd instead just get dependent. He's there to help me to comfort myself, not to actually do it for me.

I agree with his opinion in general. While I think that some people probably have no problems with hugs, especially for something like saying good bye and alike, for me it would mean that after about 2 hugs at most I'd get completely dependent, which I don't feel is a good thing for me. It has happened with other people, and it'd be the same with T.

[Amyjay]

I can't imagine hugging my T. Our relationship seems too business like for that. I mean, I know I tell her very intimate stuff but... listening to that is her job. I need her job to be focused on helping me sort out me. But it is her job and the relationship is a professional one. I wouldn't hug her and it would freak me the heck out if she wanted to hug me.
I did hug my ex T when we terminated. I wouldn't have asked to, but she asked me how i wanted to say goodbye... with a hug, words or a handshake. A little one of me wanted the hug. But I don't think I could stomach it at any other time.

[captgut]

We've hugged 6 times (in 2.5 years). I remember the dates
He always initiates.

I wish we hugged more often... But not too often. I also wish our hug were a little bit longer and/or tighter.

I don't think I'll ever manage to ask for a hug myself so I'm going just wait. I'm going on vacation soon and it will be a month break from therapy... So... I'll have a small chance for a hug. I don't think he'll miss me or anything, but there is always a hope

[toomanycats]

My therapist does allow hugs, but he and I do not hug right now. He says if we want to hug, we should talk about it first.

I'm cool w/ hugs in therapy. Have brought up wanting to hug him before. But, we haven't had a conversation really about it yet.

[winterblues17]

No we don't hug, and it's not something I can see happening. I'm not a huggy person at all generally, but sometimes I will sit in the session and have this urge to just want a hug from her, I link this with the feelings of vulnerability. Like if I've said something I feel a little bad for, or if I'm being self loathing I kinda just want her to give me the reassurance with some form of touch, she says all the words I want to hear, and they do help, but sometimes I just feel I want that little bit extra.
Because I'm not a touchy person, sometimes I feel really concerned to having these thoughts around it/her, but then we have discussed how wants and needs are perfectly fine, so I'm just trying to hold onto that.

[AnnaBegins]

My T told me he would help me work up to accepting hugs because I have a really hard time with physical contact when I'm upset, to the point where even a casual touch can be unbearable. He promised me that he would help me cry and be held and comforted while crying to show me that it was safe and that me wanting that wasn't disgusting or dirty or bad.

Never delivered on that promise though...promised he would many times but...just didn't act when the opportunity presented itself...and then had a logical excuse afterwards that made me feel worse anyway...

[DP_2017]

Anna--Wow that's awful....I have those same issues, it's largely why we started hugging... it's been very powerful and helpful for me, I wish he could of held up for that and you could feel that good side of it all Hugs to you

[imnotbroken]

In my country, it is costumary for people to hug/kiss someone on the cheek (or both cheeks, depending on the region) during greetings. So yeah, she always hugs me when greeting me and before leaving her office at the end of the session. But that hasn't happened during the session yet.

[LostOnTheTrail]

We are both female, R has hugged me four times...the first was after a particularly intense session, the second and third after a break, and the fourth yesterday.

It's a close, warm hug but not uncomfortable. I don't think she would do it if she felt uncomfortable. I have become better at staying grounded during/after.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T "doesn't do hugs" (he shared that in first session), but he does shake hands at the end of session. I know that may sound businesslike to some, but I like it (MC does that, too). It's some sort of human contact, and his handshakes seems very warm (or maybe his hands just tend to be warm!)

Ex-T hugged, but I only learned she did that after seeing her a couple years when I made an offhanded comment about a post here and said something about "and I get the sense you don't hug." Then she said she did hug some clients. The next session, I got the courage to ask why she didn't hug me. And she said it was because I had some maternal transference. It hurt, and I felt like I was being punished for that. Eventually, she started touching me on the shoulder as I left, and then after a rough session, she offered a hug, which I accepted. But then it felt like I had to have a legitimate reason to ask for a hug, like they weren't every session. And I was afraid of asking too often, like they might get taken away. So we hugged maybe once a month, sometimes two sessions in a row, sometimes not for 6 sessions.

I feel it's better if a T is consistent. Like, hug (or offer one) every session, or don't. Shake hands every session or don't. Otherwise, it's like 'Wait, I got a hug last week, am I not good enough (or upset enough or whatever) this week to get one?" Or, "Am I asking for too many hugs?" Also in having the same rules for all clients. Like either you allow hugs or handshakes or don't. Not some clients it's OK, some it isn't (of course some won't want it--I just mean to either consistently allow it or don't).

[MessyD]

I am a female and my T is a male. I'm not really a hugger and didn't even think that was a option in therapy at first but I got my first hug when I was going away for almost 2 months and that was after year and a half in therapy. Since then I got few more, after a tough session, or when I'm particularly sad, he would ask me if he can give me a hug before I leave. I have to say they are very comforting. No frame, just normal people hug. I think it's ok as long as both people feel safe. And I would definitely not want them every session.
Oh, and I never thought I would do that, but last time I actually asked for one myself!

[healinginprogress]

My T hugs certain clients. She has sporadically asked if I wanted a hug and I've gotten more comfortable asking for them. It's getting more frequent but I'm also getting into heavy stuff. They're real hugs. She allows me to lead the way.

[inmydreams]

My T is female and has never even attempted to hug me .I've been with her for awhile now. So I would of thought, if she was gonna do it,she would of done it by now Shes not at all a huggy feely person and her demeanor in session is clinical.its been painful sitting with her thats for sure.
Ex T used to hug me all of the time.In fact she would hold me for the whole of the session if I asked her or even if I didnt.She was very maternal.I found it incredibly healing .I miss her, how ever much she messed me up .

[growlycat]

My t is male and I’m female and we hug every session. They used to be a frame hugs and I didn’t realize I was nonvrbally communicating that I wanted it that way. T is married so I tried to keep a boundary out of respect for both of them. I assumed that is what t would want. Recently he asked me what the a frame hug was about. I didn’t think I was the one limiting hugs. We are both ok with “real” hugs, waist up of course. So our hugging style has changed since that conversation.

I always wonder if his wife were watching us would she be ok with it? I try to stay respectful just not sure if this is a slippery slope or I am over thinking this. I don’t know ant to say no ad I find hugs very healing.

[Tbhimscared]

My T hasn’t hugged, but I’ve never asked either. I don’t usually get emotional in session so I don’t think she’s felt the need to comfort me either. I wish she did hug me though but I think I’d start to compare her body to mine and her self conscious

[DP_2017]

Growly

Same here. Never had a frame. Waist up and every time too. When he was married i used to wonder the same about his wife