[Tbhimscared]

I think I'm starting to slip back down into another bout of depression and I asked T if I could come back sooner than my originally scheduled appointment but she's going away for a couple of weeks so she won't be able to see me until she's back. She said that she could call me for a short chat sometime before she leaves if I wanted but I said that I was fine without it. Really I'm afraid for her to call me in case I'm somewhere that I can't talk openly (work, with family etc) and because I think it would feel weird.

Have you ever had a phone session with your T? What was it like? Is that normal for you or was it because something came up that you couldn't meet in office?

[ElectricManatee]

With my T, there's a difference between a short chat and a phone session. A phone session is an hour long, paid for, and scheduled in advance. A quick chat or check-in is unscheduled, unpaid, and usually 15-30 minutes or so. Sometimes I do have to duck out of whatever I'm doing when she calls me back for a quick chat after I leave her a voicemail, but usually nobody minds if I need to step out to take a call. Occasionally she has to leave a message and I call her back. People do stuff like that all the time.

Phone sessions usually feel similar to regular sessions but with a little more distance. Sometimes I use the distance to my advantage to be a little more frank and open than I could manage in person. Quick check-ins are usually just about touching base, solving an immediate problem, or reminding me of coping skills.

It sounds like your T is offering something more like a quick check-in than a phone session?

[maybeblue]

I have a therapist that I have never met in person. I only do phone sessions with her. I love it. It has been easier for me than in person sessions because I have a tendency to overanalyze people's expressions and body language and think they are mad at me or they don't agree with what I am saying or something. I can't do that over the phone. It also forces me to say what I mean...not to rely on passive aggressive body language shrugging or rolling my eyes to convey what I am feeling.

It works really well for us...but we do have scheduled times so I can make sure I'm somewhere private and she can too. Maybe if you are worried about her calling when you aren't in a good place you could negotiate times over email or text.

[Tbhimscared]

I think she meant for a quick check in too but I'm not sure what that means to her. I should've asked when I was in session but I tensed up and couldn't get the words to come out. The day that she offered a phone session I will be busy for most of the day and I don't think I'll be able to get away from work for long enough to have the conversation and be able to get myself together before returning to work for the rest of the day.

[nottrustin]

I have had talked with both T's on the phone. Not a session but check in lasting about 20 minutes because I am struggling and they can't see me in person. With EMDR T we set up a time in advance so we schedule it for a time that works for both of us. With long term T she will always ask if it a good time (again I have somewhat of an idea when she will call. If not she I will ask if I can call back in a few minutes.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I didn't have whole sessions over the phone, but my T offers phone calls when I'm struggling, and for some months I couldn't see him in person just whenever I wanted to, so he offered calls too. It's never really an issue that I can't talk openly, because I always know the exact time of when we will have our call. And I will go out of my way to be alone at that point in time, either going outside the office to a place nobody ever is in, or going home early, telling my partner he can't be home at that time and so on...

The calls are usually 10-15 minutes long, and much lighter/not as in depth as sessions. It's more of a support than real work. I'd always prefer sessions over calls, but they are sometimes convenient, and it's nice to be at least able to hear Ts voice when he doesn't have time to see me otherwise.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've talked to my T on the phone. Not for a session per se, bit to deal with an issue between us or a crisis. They only last for 5-15mims. If it's over 15mins she charges. Most of the time it really helps. Just to hear her voice is sometimes reassuring enough. The phone call tends to hold me over till I can see her.

[amicus_curiae]

I have but s/he never charged as in a ‘session,’ though. One phone call lasted about three hours — I was in bad shape, then. If I felt the need to talk to my shrink (during normal business hours) I would call and leave a message: ‘please call me after work.’

Otherwise, just a short call.

[Tbhimscared]

Maybe I’ll email her and ask for her to call me next week. I’m afraid that I might say too much and it could lead to her being on the phone with me for longer than she planned but I guess that isn’t fully my responsibility anyway.

[Elio]

I've done both phone sessions and check ins. We now do video visits. Like ElectricManatee, there is a difference and the phone and video sessions are scheduled like regular session and full time. The check ins just happen. One time I was in the car with my wife. Things had calmed down for me so it wasn't as bad to talk with my wife there (the issue wasn't with my wife). It turned out to be a good thing for my wife to see part of what I was getting/needing from T ... something she cannot provide because of personality and temperament differences.

[velcro003]

Well, this is a timely post, as my T decided to tell me tonight that she can't meet me on Monday (due to something she probably should have known/realized last week), and asked if we could talk on the phone on my lunch break this week.

I am angry and don't think it will help anyway. I am different when I am on the phone with her (I have talked to her when really upset), than when I am in session, and this shite i am going through isn't really phone-like stuff. UGH. I don't know what to do, bc if I don't do it, I will go a week without talking or seeing her...but i am not sure it will help at all.

I did phone sessions for almost 3 years with my t while she lived in a different state (I'd seen her in person for a year before she moved). They worked REALLY well for me, because some of the stuff we worked on during that stretch it really helped that she couldn't see me. I am happy though that she moved back and I started seeing her in person again!

[Tbhimscared]

Originally Posted by velcro003

Well, this is a timely post, as my T decided to tell me tonight that she can't meet me on Monday (due to something she probably should have known/realized last week), and asked if we could talk on the phone on my lunch break this week

I am angry and don't think it will help anyway. I am different when I am on the phone with her (I have talked to her when really upset), than when I am in session, and this shite i am going through isn't really phone-like stuff. UGH. I don't know what to do, bc if I don't do it, I will go a week without talking or seeing her...but i am not sure it will help at all.

I feel the same way! I haven’t talked on the phone with her before but I think I’ll act differently than I would in person and I don’t think the stuff I’m going through right now would be good for a phone conversation. I react more to body language than just words, so I might believe what she’s saying less than if it was in person. And I’m afraid I’ll say something too dark and she might think I’m not safe when I (probably) am.

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by Tbhimscared

I feel the same way! I haven’t talked on the phone with her before but I think I’ll act differently than I would in person and I don’t think the stuff I’m going through right now would be good for a phone conversation. I react more to body language than just words, so I might believe what she’s saying less than if it was in person. And I’m afraid I’ll say something too dark and she might think I’m not safe when I (probably) am.

I used to hate talking on the phone, but phone conversations with my T has changed that for me a bit over time. One thing that surprised me was that my T is actually slightly different on the phone than in person, in a good way. She is a bit less reserved and generally even warmer and kinder. I think she also knows that she can't rely on me seeing her facial expressions, so she is a bit more effusive with her words. It's not a night and day difference or anything, but it's nice. I think it might be worth experimenting with, if your T offered. If it doesn't go well, you don't have to do it again.

[Tbhimscared]

Maybe I’ll tell her Id like to talk on the phone, she probably wouldn’t suggest it if she didn’t think it would be helpful. I’m nervous for it but I guess if it goes bad I don’t have to do it again

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Tbhimscared

Maybe I’ll tell her Id like to talk on the phone, she probably wouldn’t suggest it if she didn’t think it would be helpful. I’m nervous for it but I guess if it goes bad I don’t have to do it again

Yes, I think it's worth a shot!

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by Tbhimscared

Maybe I’ll tell her Id like to talk on the phone, she probably wouldn’t suggest it if she didn’t think it would be helpful. I’m nervous for it but I guess if it goes bad I don’t have to do it again

Good for you

I am acting like a petulant child and not e-mailing my T back about a phone call this week because she cancelled monday's session. it seriously sent me spiraling last night when i read her e-mail.

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by velcro003

Good for you

I am acting like a petulant child and not e-mailing my T back about a phone call this week because she cancelled monday's session. it seriously sent me spiraling last night when i read her e-mail.

It kind of seems like you would rather talk to her on the phone than not have any contact at all this week, right? Your T seems pretty great. I personally have gotten a lot out of telling my T exactly how I feel when she cancels, even when her reason is totally legitimate (emergency dental work, etc). Sucking up my feelings and shutting down when I am upset is/was a big part of what kept me depressed for so long. It's way more satisfying to talk about it than to hope that she correctly interprets your angry silence.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

It kind of seems like you would rather talk to her on the phone than not have any contact at all this week, right? Your T seems pretty great. I personally have gotten a lot out of telling my T exactly how I feel when she cancels, even when her reason is totally legitimate (emergency dental work, etc). Sucking up my feelings and shutting down when I am upset is/was a big part of what kept me depressed for so long. It's way more satisfying to talk about it than to hope that she correctly interprets your angry silence.

i knowwww, and she IS great. she has no idea that i secretly look forward to therapy. she only knows how nervous i get (which is also true). so to her somewhat blithely telling me in a "P.S" at the end of an e-mail that she can't make Monday's session isn't probably a big deal, as she has tended to be rather cavalier in telling me she is cancelling a session (usually at the very end the week before).

i spiraled entirely too far down last night. some of it was alcohol related, but I haven't had such intense SUI thoughts in awhile. i know this is way over-reaction. i also know that i have never had to "confront" her on my feelings towards anything she has said/did before. I am extremely avoidant and I easily shut down when hurt.

[stopdog]

The second one I hired encouraged me to call her a lot. I tried it a couple of times and it did not work for me. I think it can work for some people and if one finds a therapist reassuring or generally helpful to hear their voice etc, then I would think it has a higher chance of being useful.

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by velcro003

i knowwww, and she IS great. she has no idea that i secretly look forward to therapy. she only knows how nervous i get (which is also true). so to her somewhat blithely telling me in a "P.S" at the end of an e-mail that she can't make Monday's session isn't probably a big deal, as she has tended to be rather cavalier in telling me she is cancelling a session (usually at the very end the week before).

i spiraled entirely too far down last night. some of it was alcohol related, but I haven't had such intense SUI thoughts in awhile. i know this is way over-reaction. i also know that i have never had to "confront" her on my feelings towards anything she has said/did before. I am extremely avoidant and I easily shut down when hurt.

For what it's worth, I don't think it's an overreaction at all. You rely on your T to help you work through difficult things, and it's really upsetting when that outlet gets pulled out from under you. (Although I completely understand the urge to tell yourself that your feelings are disproportionate and shameful because I do it to myself all the time.)

I just think it could be useful to take some of the disappointment and burden off yourself and share it with your T, where it might help her understand that she should be more careful and give you more notice when possible. Keeping feelings like that inside is so awful. It's okay that your T and your time with her really matter to you. In fact, I bet she would be pleased to hear about that, even if it comes out in the context of you telling her how upset her email made you.

I don't think you even have to "confront" her. You can just say something like, "I felt really upset and destabilized when you canceled so casually. I look forward to sessions, and I hate when you aren't there for me." or whatever seems natural to say. When I started to engage in this kind of openness is when my T started to really get into things and help me deal with my feelings more successfully.

[winterblues17]

I've spoke on the phone once to mine, I don't like speaking on the phone generally. So I was actually scared when we set up a call due to a missed session! As it was raining I didn't even know if I'd pick up, but actually it was really good. Would love to do it again infact

[weaverbeaver]

I have had a few phone sessions with my t, some where helpful and others not (at all)!
Once she rang after a rupture and we argued on the phone for ages before we finally came to a halt. I think for me it’s important to see my ya face when she speaks because she has a very loud stern voice and so in the phone it can be very harsh. I would rather not have a phone session again.
I hope that it works out for you though.