When a T has rejected you before...

Yep i have. We do discuss them briefly sometimes. He leads things.

I bring notes and sometimes discuss it. The thing is I'm not really interested in much change. I don't want to meet new people etc.

He's suggested coping skills. They don't always help. Yes it's mostly friendly chit chat but it is fine. Like I said eksewhere its a small happiness in my week.

I shut down most times we try to do tough things so I don't bother much anymore. I'm not gonna change in a sense of exposing emotions with someone. It's how I've dealt with life so far. I hate emotions and he knows this.

I've been open in the past year about issues that bug me. Including the issues I am dealing with in this post but it hasn't changed anything.

No worries on suggestions. I asked for them lol

I a way it sounds you are and have beein interested in meeting new people and chatting as you were open meeting him and find chatting pleasant. Maybe it is possible to move this realization into the real world and find someone to chit chat with over coffee or something. There are more interesting and kind people around too. And leave therapy for more therapy issues, in case you want to do any work? You don't sound very happy with things how they are and even though change can be scary, it sounds you have a desire to change things.

Nope we just hit it off. Got lucky. I got enough fake people to hang with if i want but i dont. Not interested in new people.

I'm happy with him. I'm just frustrated. It is what it is,though

What do you wish? How do you hope things will turn in your therapy? You getting less attached? Him breaking his boundaries and being with you more? You able to change and be happier in your life outside therapy? What are your dreams and goals?

But what if therapy is the thing that's making you distressed and keeping you there? Not all the lovely closeness of a real friendship, not the help and growth of actual psychological treatment either. Just bringing up all your feelings and letting them fester and bother you for no productive purpose. My sense is that that's why you feel so stuck and hopeless.

I know going to see him makes you feel happy in the short-term, but it also seems like it's destroying your life in a broader sense. Also I know you aren't bothered by the boundaries wobbliness, but not wanting to "rat him out" to another T is a giant red flag to me. My T actually encouraged me to talk about her with the backup T I saw last week if I wanted to, and there isn't anything that has happened in my therapy that I feel I couldn't share with an outside person. The impulse to protect him is a sign that things are happening that are hurting you, even if you feel good about those same things too.

Have you brought up healthy ways to deal cope with rejection and how to move on from that feeling? Maybe your T would have some suggestions to help you cope with it in a healthy manner.

No but this is a good idea. It can be phrased in a general sense so no making light of anything. Thanks!



Maybe so in a "should" sense but it is what it is and I like it that way. I don't want it to be different... the friend like aspect has helped me get me to be vulnerable with him, something I rarely do with anyone.

I'm not comfortable answering any of this publicly, sorry

Maybe but I don't wanna change things really. Things went good today. I miss him like I always do when I leave but I'm not feeling as crappy as I was earlier when I posted this. Also as for the rat him out thing, I'm like that with everyone. My loyalty runs deep, if that makes me crappy person, so be it but it's who I am. I wont turn on anyone.

I don’t understand why talking about him to another therapist is ratting him out. You don’t have to give a name or identifying details.

I’ve spoken with therapists about previous therapists and their mistakes and the damage they did me. It’s been helpful. I either didn’t give names or I used only a first name. I didn’t feel I was ratting anyone out, and none of the therapists I spoke to thought so either—apparently it’s pretty common.

Loyalty is great and a commendable characteristic. But sometimes people have to put themselves above their loyalties. I had to do that when I left my abusive ex.

I am glad you feel better now.

^ Due to my insurance issues, I NEED to stay with him or within his company to get the very cheap rate I currently have, so my only choices would be his boss or the other male T in the company, I would never be able to talk to either of them about him. They have seen me on on walks with him etc, so they know I see him as a client.

Sorry you had a ****** ex and I'm glad you were able to free yourself, I am one of those that I doubt I ever could, I've dealt with my mom;s abuse for over 30 years and I still see her every day and wont tell anyone about the things that go on in the family because of her. It might make me a bad person but I just can't change that part of me, sadly.