Afraid of losing T

RaineD · Jun 16, 2018 at 04:41 PM

I really just can't imagine the rest of my life without him. I don't know what I would do if he dies.

I hate everything and everyone (except him--i love him).

I'm mad at my friend for comparing my anticipatory grief with his recent breakup. I'm like, are you f**king kidding me?! It's not the same or similar at all. Clearly your relationship sucked because she dumped you.

No one understands. I hate people.

ruh roh · Jun 16, 2018 at 05:29 PM

It's hard when an relationship ends when we don't want it to, regardless of the method. I would think that while your friend can't relate to the kind of relationship you have with your therapist, he could understand the kind of loss that comes from someone else doing the leaving (whether that's through break up or death).

nottrustin · Jun 16, 2018 at 05:35 PM

Oh Raine I am sorry you are hurting. Losing somebody we care so much about and spend a lot of time with IS scary. However, as my best friend has told me several times this week, it is okay to be angry, sad and scared just don't get stuck there.

velcro003 · Jun 16, 2018 at 10:19 PM

What happened with your T, Raine?

Your post reminded me of this show I am watching, Dr. Foster. She belittles her friend who was grieving deeply (and unhealthily) for his partner who died a slow, awful death because what she is going through "is so much worse!" What she is going through is that her husband has been cheating on her for the past 2 years, and his partner is pregnant. I find that "logic" awful, and no one should compare each other's pain. So, I get what you mean, but pain is pain.

DP_2017 · Jun 17, 2018 at 08:21 AM

after the sad news of the T who passed away recently off here... my T and I had that very chat.. I told him how scared I was of him dying. he understood. He said, unfortunately I am human, so things happen but I am gonna do my best to not die. He promised to reply to texts etc always now so I at least know he is still alive and ok.

It is a very scary thought. I can't fathom. I just had a huge loss in my life this year so it's on my mind often, honestly, even losing him as a T someday, seems like it would be like a death. I'm hoping badly we can keep in touch because I probably wont handle things well at all otherwise

Very understandable to feel this way

RaineD · Jun 17, 2018 at 12:24 PM

My T has cancer, and he recently told me he might get really sick soon and have to close his practice. Aside from being devastated, I'm realizing that none of my real-life friends really get it, or even come close to getting it. It makes me angry and sad. And it makes me alone.

nottrustin · 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaineD

My T has cancer, and he recently told me he might get really sick soon and have to close his practice. Aside from being devastated, I'm realizing that none of my real-life friends really get it, or even come close to getting it. It makes me angry and sad. And it makes me alone.

I don't think most people understand the bond we have with our T's only a few really close people understand my bond with T. So I have just taken to saying a really good friend is soon or passed away. That they all see. to understand.

RaineD · Jun 19, 2018 at 03:06 PM

I'm heartbroken. I didn't think anything in this life could be so painful.

Jun 23, 2018 at 01:45 AM

I totally understand. I would be heartbroken if anything happened to my therapist. There are times she has gone through that have been very very painful for her, various life events that have been hard on her as well as health issues, and it just scared me and made me worry so bad.
I dont think people who havent been in our situation can possibly understand, unfortunately.

Jun 23, 2018 at 09:44 AM

No, I don't understand. A therapist or psychiatrist are professionals, thus in my books, so should be the relationship. To say one has a special one discounts the one he/she has with every other client. It doesn't make sense to me and this sounds rather obsessive. But that is my opinion and I realise it isn't for everyone. That they are ill is the business of only them and their family. Their obligation is to ensure that arrangements be made for continuing care. To have worry for them is natural but this sounds rather too clingy to me.

As for the comparison between your loss and your friend's I think it is unfair to discount their feelings. Perhaps the anguish they feel very much is on par with that which you feel. It seems a little self-centred to assume you are the only one in pain.

Taylor27 · Jun 23, 2018 at 10:11 AM

What your feeling is normal big hugs

When my therapist went on sick leave 2 years ago it was very hard for me. My relationship with my therapist is proffessional and he knows i care about him and it's ok. Im so sorry you are going through this it's so hard. It's not self centered to feel the way you do.

rainbow8 · Jun 24, 2018 at 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justafriend306

No, I don't understand. A therapist or psychiatrist are professionals, thus in my books, so should be the relationship. To say one has a special one discounts the one he/she has with every other client. It doesn't make sense to me and this sounds rather obsessive. But that is my opinion and I realise it isn't for everyone. That they are ill is the business of only them and their family. Their obligation is to ensure that arrangements be made for continuing care. To have worry for them is natural but this sounds rather too clingy to me.

As for the comparison between your loss and your friend's I think it is unfair to discount their feelings. Perhaps the anguish they feel very much is on par with that which you feel. It seems a little self-centred to assume you are the only one in pain.

I know you mean well by your blunt replies, but I feel like this post is totally non compassionate. Yes, the T relationship is professional but it also real. Losing a T causes the same pain as losing someone in real life. It's definitely not just "okay, I'll just see another T". I know you don't understand that but many of us do.

Raine, I am so sorry that your T is sick and that you are going to lose him. Your feelings are understandable, and yes, it is painful. Many hugs to you.

Taylor27 · Jun 24, 2018 at 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I know you mean well by your blunt replies, but I feel like this post is totally non compassionate. Yes, the T relationship is professional but it also real. Losing a T causes the same pain as losing someone in real life. It's definitely not just "okay, I'll just see another T". I know you don't understand that but many of us do.

Raine, I am so sorry that your T is sick and that you are going to lose him. Your feelings are understandable, and yes, it is painful. Many hugs to you.

Very well said Rainbow

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ruh roh Run of the Mill Snowflake Member Since May 2015 Location: here and there Posts: 4,468 9 5,077 hugs given	Jun 16, 2018 at 05:29 PM #2 It's hard when an relationship ends when we don't want it to, regardless of the method. I would think that while your friend can't relate to the kind of relationship you have with your therapist, he could understand the kind of loss that comes from someone else doing the leaving (whether that's through break up or death).
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jun 16, 2018 at 05:35 PM #3 Oh Raine I am sorry you are hurting. Losing somebody we care so much about and spend a lot of time with IS scary. However, as my best friend has told me several times this week, it is okay to be angry, sad and scared just don't get stuck there. __________________
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RaineD Grand Member Member Since Aug 2017 Location: United States Posts: 950 6 962 hugs given	Jun 17, 2018 at 12:24 PM #6 My T has cancer, and he recently told me he might get really sick soon and have to close his practice. Aside from being devastated, I'm realizing that none of my real-life friends really get it, or even come close to getting it. It makes me angry and sad. And it makes me alone.
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RaineD Grand Member Member Since Aug 2017 Location: United States Posts: 950 6 962 hugs given	Jun 19, 2018 at 03:06 PM #8 I'm heartbroken. I didn't think anything in this life could be so painful.
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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,439 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.4k hugs given	Jun 23, 2018 at 10:11 AM #11 What your feeling is normal big hugs When my therapist went on sick leave 2 years ago it was very hard for me. My relationship with my therapist is proffessional and he knows i care about him and it's ok. Im so sorry you are going through this it's so hard. It's not self centered to feel the way you do.
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