Dear T: I Really Need to Tell You Something...Part XXXIII

i wanna be high

Did you miss me today or just my money?

I wish I could somehow just delete my email from your inbox if you haven't seen it yet (being on vacation). I should have asked one of my friends to hold my phone for me so I wouldn't have had the opportunity to send it in the first place. 20/20 hindsight.... I don't know if you read it and won't answer it since I'm not your client anymore, or if you just haven't seen it yet. I didn't even mention my car accident, I wasn't asking for email therapy, just want the sand tray pics.... sigh.

Oh and today is 3 weeks since I saw you...

Dear T,

Hey good session yesterday. I really appreciate how comfortable I feel in your space and how you are a master at encouraging me to say what's on my mind, but in a so not obvious way. It reminds me of watching the best movies-- I don't think "hey this is such a good movie" because I am absorbed in the story. It's only afterwards that I think, dang, that was amazing. So, thanks, that was amazing.

Miss you so bloody much it hurts.
I want to lay my head on your chest and fall asleep.

Thank you for your reply. And that you can identify with the way I'm processing everything. I signed off "Love you". I've never done that before. Did you notice?

Wish you were here so I can talk to you. Yeah I could call but it's not a big emergency. Plus you're on vacation...again.

Thank you for the lovely hour today. You were so kind and focusing so hard on being totally attuned to me. Thank you for that. I really miss you but I feel like I might be able to cope with it this week. You've given me hope again.

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I wish Tapatalk let you delete without having to edit and type something else.

Is there no option when you go to edit? I use browser on my phone and there's an option though I'm pretty sure there never used to be.

What were you referring to when you said the dual relationship thing "applies to us too"? I didn't want to ask because I'm hoping it means you think we should stay in touch after termination. But I don't want to burst that bubble if you don't mean that. Maybe you just mean that we travel in similar circles.

Well you'd said you were coming back from your trip today. I won't be calling though. I don't want to anymore really. Now that I realize the only reason I emailed when I did was cuz I wanted the comfort of connecting w you after the accident. That I didn't even tell you about. Stupid, thou art my middle name.

eta: But you know me. I will call soon whether I want to or not because I feel like I owe you an explanation for emailing so soon.

today my boss asked me if I like big black c*ck

I didn't even know what to say and walked away

Oh my! That's horrible. Can you report him to somebody?

Uhhh...Jesus. I would have done the same thing. Has your boss made you feel uncomfortable before?

I decided to do a big thing. Next month I'm going to participate in a project where I talk about my mental health and how it affects my life. I've never talked about it publicly before. And I'm nervous about how my family will react to it, but more than that, I know that you will see it and I'm worried how you will react.

I'm hoping to be able to speak at our next session, but I may end up handing you a piece of paper. This has been really overwhelming.

You're the best. Love you.

yes I'm thinking about telling his boss

yeah he makes a lot of lewd comments

It's sexual harassment and I'm sorry you're going through this. I had a boss do this to me.

Is the guy who said that to you African-American? Like was he referring to himself? It's a screwed up thing to say no matter what, but seems an extra level if he was basically propositioning you.

no he's a white man. he wasn't pro positioning me. I walked up to the dishwashing area where he was and he just blurted it out