[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by blackocean

Also OP I don't think your desire to have a stone is pathological and am a little frustrated for you that he has suggested it is pathological and caused you such anxiety about it, that something that should have been a small thing, a minor gesture of support, has become such a big deal between the both of you. Some people are sentimental and like to hold on to things that remind them of other people and places that make them feel safe or carry good feelings. I have bones and rocks on my desk from places I have visited, for example, or small items that remind me of friends. Rubbing smooth stones itself is therapeutic for anxiety, but especially if it is attached to a safe or happy place or person.

Therapy is meant to be such a place, in a way. As is common, when we started doing trauma work and I started panicking my therapist helped me find grounding memories of "safe places" to bring to mind when I am beginning to feel overwhelmed. He emphasizes that he wants to make the room a "safe place." You have very high anxiety and abandonment fears and a stone you can hold that reminds you of your therapist/the therapy room is a coping object. He could see it as a positive thing and encourage you to hold the stone instead of emailing him again when he hasn't emailed back, for example. If he knows you SH, this is especially weird. SH is the maladaptive mechanism and carrying/holding a stone is the healthy one--if the latter could help prevent the former then he should not be making you feel bad about needing it.

I think sometimes people don't consider the necessary distinction between "normal" or "common" and "pathological." No, most people don't need a transitional object from their therapist, just as most people don't need a cadre of happy memories in store to keep them from having a panic attack when triggered; I don't see how an object that eases the pain of separation for the unhealthily attached client outside the therapy room is maladaptive and necessary to "correct." I get that you are working on attachment in addition to anxiety and he is worried about dependency, but you still need a way to deal with these negative feelings when they get overwhelming. SH is harmful, the stone is healthy. There is literally something called a Worry Stone that is marketed and sold. So I just don't get it, unless there's something I'm missing.

Thanks, blackocean. It helps to know you understand about the stone and the need/desire for transitional objects. And like you said near the end, he may be worried about dependency, but not having the stone isn't going to prevent me from being dependent. I see it as a way to cope in between. Maybe T doesn't understand how it helps, but I think the important thing is that it *does* help me, and I don't want it taken away until I'm ready. And yes, I was using email this weekend, but it was about my fears of the stone being taken away today. All I wanted was for him to say it was OK to keep it--if he'd just said that in the very first email response, I wouldn't have bothered him anymore.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

All I wanted was for him to say it was OK to keep it--if he'd just said that in the very first email response, I wouldn't have bothered him anymore

I would encourage you to try not to visualize the situation like this, at least not if you want to kick this transference and accompanying anxiety. Sure, you would have liked it better if he’d said that straight off, but he did say you’d talk Tuesday about the things in your email. But you still wrote and sent the following emails. That’s not “bad,” but that is the part you played here.

We’ve all blamed other people for things we’ve done, but in my experience it’s never helped me deal with the situation any better or grow from it.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I would encourage you to try not to visualize the situation like this, at least not if you want to kick this transference and accompanying anxiety. Sure, you would have liked it better if he’d said that straight off, but he did say you’d talk Tuesday about the things in your email. But you still wrote and sent the following emails. That’s not “bad,” but that is the part you played here.

We’ve all blamed other people for things we’ve done, but in my experience it’s never helped me deal with the situation any better or grow from it.

I think this is a key point here. If I was on the other side of your email, I would think that "let's talk about this in session" was responding to your email. You listed off a number of things that you wanted to address in the next session, and I'm not sure I would have know that the stone was something (which you didn't say until a later email) you wanted an answer to Right Now. You could have communicated more clearly in your own email the first time, said something like "could you please answer this question before Tuesday in your reply"). I don't get the sense given his straight forwardness that he is with holding; in fact as others have said I think he is doing his best to give you what you want, including reassurance that you and he are okay. I think if he could have known what you wanted, he would have given it to you (as evidenced from his later email).

I think it is the responsibility of the person who needs questions answered or has very specific needs to ensure her communication about those is crystal-clear, especially over email because it is easy to lose track of what needs to be responded to in an email with a lot of different content in it. Email as a communication device is almost guaranteed to muck this up, which is why many therapists caution about doing therapy over email.

I don't email with my T, but I do email with lots of people about substantive things where it's important to reply clearly or tag it for a phone or in person meeting in the future. Sometimes I write different emails for each subject, like scheduling in one email and a substantive issue I'm replying to in another. I also spend extra time trying to see how the other person reads it and edit accordingly. But, mostly I've learned to request very specific things I need and answer very specific questions, if it seems like too much for an email, I pick up the phone.

[LonesomeTonight]

Session in 45 minutes. Pocket riders welcome!

[elisewin]

Good luck LT!

[LonesomeTonight]

I was really weepy, but session went well. He seemed very understanding, and boundaries haven’t changed. More later.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I was really weepy, but session went well. He seemed very understanding, and boundaries haven’t changed. More later.

I'm glad the session went well. ((hugs))

[Elio]

Originally Posted by guileless

I've seen this several times before. I struggle with understanding how the different ones feel. I understand it from a diagram perspective, what does it feel like or look like from a living perspective?

These 2 diagrams also do not show the other extreme where there is basically no us, where the you and I exist in the same box so to say; however, there is not a unified us. Where does that fit in feeling and looking like in terms of relationships?

[LonesomeTonight]

T today. Lots of anxiety after email exchange over holiday weekend. He retrieved me, said "Hey" quietly as I approached him, and I said, "Hi," struggling to look at him. Sat down. He asked how beach had gone, and we discussed that for a few minutes. And then briefly about D's first day of school. It was clear he was trying to help us reconnect (and show he didn't hate me) before addressing the main topic, and I appreciated that.

T: "It's been a long time since we've seen each other." Me: "Yeah...I guess we need to discuss the elephant in the room, huh? I typed some stuff out" gesturing to my purse. T: "That looks like a lot!" Me: "Well, it's two copies in case I can't manage to read it to you." T: "OK." I struggled with how to start.

I said how at first, I could only read part of his Sunday email and started crying. That I felt like a kid who knew they were in trouble and was just awaiting punishment in session. Which made sense because I feel like this was coming from a child part of me, not the rational adult part. That the child part had been triggered and that's what led to the other emails. (I was crying at this point and set the tissue box on the couch next to me.) I said how later, I'd been able to read the rest of the email and was talking to a friend about it, who pointed out the caring in there. Which I realized after she said it. I'd initially just focused on negative part, as I do.

Then I explained about the other emails. I said how Friday I'd been talking to another friend about returning stone today, and I started crying. Then later I thought about it and cried again. Which led to my initial email. Me: "I feel like...the stone is a symbol of your caring. So giving that back just feels like...I don't know, like some of the caring is going away. Even though I know it isn't. It's just hard for me to internalize the caring. Not just with you, but with other people, too." T: "You've mentioned that before." Me: "Yes, I think it's something we need to address, how I can do better with that." He agreed.

I said that I'd kinda expected his "let's talk Tuesday" in the first response, but that maybe that combined with him wanting to change the time of session bothered me. Because I assumed that was for another client, and I know I'm flexible because I work from home, but that also has made me feel taken for granted before, like with ex-MC. T: "Did you consider that maybe it wasn't for another client?" Me: "Well, I figured if doctor's appointment or something, you'd have needed more time." T: "Did you consider it might not be any of those?" Me: "Like...maybe you wanted to have lunch at noon instead of 11 or 1 today?" T nodded. Me: "OK. I think it was just, in my head, the combination of me struggling with stone, with what I thought was you trying to accommodate another client, like I felt just like a time slot to you. And I know I'm not, but..."

I added that T said he'd told me about the only replying to emails in the morning over the weekend, but he actually hadn't. T: "I thought I did?" Me: "You didn't in the phone call." T: "I thought I did the previous session?" Me: "No." T: "True, you would have remembered that. I'm not trying to place blame on either of us. I trust you that I didn't tell you." Me: "OK. It's just that if I'd known that, I likely would have dealt with the emails differently. Really, if any little thing had been different, I'd have dealt differently. It was a perfect storm of sorts, with having just spent 4 days with my parents, which likely dredged up stuff, your being away, not knowing about the email schedule." T: "I understand that."

I said that when he sent the email (in late afternoon) confirming the new session time, it was in response to my email about "I wish you could give me your answer about the stone before Tuesday." So to me, because I didn't know about the only responding in the morning thing, it felt like he saw that email and just completely ignored it, which was sort of triggering for me. Me: "Even if you had just said something like, 'I'd rather discuss it in person,' that would have helped because you'd have acknowledged it." T: "I get that. I don't think I'd actually read that email when I replied. I was on my phone and just hit reply and didn't even see it." Me: "Oh."

I said that's what led me to send the Sunday night email, where I said I was bothered by his not responding. T: "That was the email that aggravated me a bit. Your tone seemed very insistent that I respond. And I wasn't technically working, so I felt pressured." Me: "I'm sorry." T: "So I felt a bit aggravated by the email. But only a bit, and it only lasted for a short time. I don't still feel that way." Me: "OK. I was just really worried about what you would say to me today."

T: "Were you worried about termination?" Me: "No, because you reassured me in the email, which I appreciated. I don't like to disappoint or hurt or frustrate or anger people, and I was afraid I did one or more of those to you. And it would be hard to hear you say that." T: "As I said, I was just a little aggravated, none of those other things." Me: "OK. And I was also afraid you'd change the email boundaries, like take away email. Even though I know you said you would never change them without warning. But the fear is still there. But I hope you get that I understand, that I'll set my own boundaries and avoid this in the future." T: "I know you understand. I'm not changing anything." Me: "Thank you."

Somewhere in there, T said he hadn't really decided for sure about the stone when I sent my first email. He said he was leaning toward letting me keep it, but wasn't 100% certain. T: "And I didn't want to say to keep it, then end up retracting it. Because that probably would have been devastating to you." Me: "Well, maybe not devastating..." T: "It would have really affected you." Me: "Yeah, OK, devastating may be the right word. So thanks for not doing that."

I mentioned how many of these fears were due to his being an authority figure to me. Me: "It's funny, someone on a PC thread said they didn't see their therapist as an authority figure. Which confused me a bit. But I guess you probably don't want to be thought of as an authority figure to clients, right?" T: "No, I think of myself as a collaborator." Me: "OK, it's just hard for me to think that way. Because...I feel like you hold all the power here. I mean, yeah, in theory I could terminate whenever and you'd be out a client." T: "You have the power to leave, but I can't terminate you." Me: "Well, I know you say that ethically you couldn't unless I threaten you. But you could probably make it miserable enough for me that I'd choose to terminate." T: "I wouldn't do that. I would never just flush you away." Me: "Thanks."

Me: "...But in terms of power, like with the stone, it felt like your feelings, your discomfort was more important than my being comforted by it. It just feels like you're the one in control. I just want you to understand how vulnerable I feel with you sometimes" (I was sobbing at this point). I forget if he said anything to that, think he just gave me a kind of sad look.

Was near end of session. I said how I wanted to take some stuff from this experience and work on it in future sessions, because this type of thing affects other parts of my life, too. T: "I think a good topic is something you said right in the beginning about the stone. How you need the symbol of caring. That it's hard to internalize. That would be something good to start with next session." Me: "I agree." T: "And if the stone helps with me...who you've only known, what, 9 months?" Me: "Almost a year." T: "I'm sorry, I'm awful with dates." Me: "It's OK. T: "But maybe to think about what might help with other people in your life, too."

Me: "We only have 2 minutes left. Did you want to say anything else?" T: "I thought you wanted to put a shell in the sand tray." Me: "I can just do that next session. I know I've said a lot. And you said in the email that you had stuff you wanted to say." T: "You've actually covered it all. I feel like you understand what I wanted to talk about." Me: "Oh, OK. are you sure?" T: "Yes. And I feel like starting a new topic now is a bad idea. So why don't you just put the shell in the tray." I pulled a ziploc out of my purse and held out a couple shells: "Any preference?" T: "No, they all look good." We joked about my bringing a huge shell that would cover whole tray. I picked one and nestled it in the sand.

Confirmed Friday, scheduled for both Monday and Thursday. Went over and paid for session and last week's phone session. Me: "I understand if you need to charge me for the emails." T: "No, they didn't really take me that long." Me: "OK, thank you." He shook my hand, saying, "Good luck out there." Me: "You too." T: "Hope your D had a good first day of school." Me: "Thanks." T: "See you in a few days." Me: "See you then. Thanks."

It was an emotional session for me, but also a comforting one. It felt like T and I understood each other and connected, which is what I needed.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Sounds like your session went well, glad to hear that!

Originally Posted by Elio

I've seen this several times before. I struggle with understanding how the different ones feel. I understand it from a diagram perspective, what does it feel like or look like from a living perspective?

These 2 diagrams also do not show the other extreme where there is basically no us, where the you and I exist in the same box so to say; however, there is not a unified us. Where does that fit in feeling and looking like in terms of relationships?

The left hand side has 'shared' emotions. When I'm sad, you are sad. When I'm angry, you are angry. When I'm happy, you are happy. There's parts that are not shared, but in my experience, those happen when the people in the relationship are not together mostly. Most of the time together, it's when one person feels X the other feels X too. The relationship is experienced the same way for both individuals, either we're good or we're not, it can't be that one person feels the relationship is okay while the other is currently upset about it.

The right hand side doesn't have that. In that case, I can be angry, while you are perfectly happy. Or I can be sad while you are angry, and so on. However, there's still some kind of relationship, some kind of feeling part of a whole. Yes, I am angry right now, but there's other parts to 'us'. There's good parts too and that's why I'm still in it. Me feeling angry will change some things about us, and if I constantly am angry, then some day 'us' might not exist anymore because you feel too uncomfortable with the 'us'. But you don't necessarily feel uncomfortable because I do, but because of the relationship.

If both people are just in a box but there's no us, that means there's not really a relationship. There's no sense of belonging. I'm currently happy, buying some bananas in the grocery store. The guy waiting in line behind me is currently sad and just broke up with his girlfriend. I might acknowledge him. I might see he's sad. I'm neither affected by it, nor do I have any feeling of being connected to this person on a relationship level.

[susannahsays]

I am glad to hear you got what you needed from your session.

[Echos Myron redux]

Sorry LT. Happy to post here instead of on IST. My last response on this, as you know my thoughts already.

Just in response to the poster on IST. I don't care how many times he has refrained. He compared LT to a stalker sifting through someone's trash. Unacceptable. Flat out unacceptable. You don't have the right to say any old **** that pops into your head when you are sat with a client. I'd like to see one study, just one, that suggests unabashed "honesty" in the way he practices has any therapeutic merit. Because I don't believe it has any at all.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

Sorry LT. Happy to post here instead of on IST. My last response on this, as you know my thoughts already.

Just in response to the poster on IST. I don't care how many times he has refrained. He compared LT to a stalker sifting through someone's trash. Unacceptable. Flat out unacceptable. You don't have the right to say any old **** that pops into your head when you are sat with a client. I'd like to see one study, just one, that suggests unabashed "honesty" in the way he practices has any therapeutic merit. Because I don't believe it has any at all.

I agree, this T would not work for me, but she knows how I feel about that. For whatever reason, she seems to like working with him though so I just go with it. Not my choice to make.

Speaking of.... I do think, LT, it might be good to really decide again if he is a good match for you, while he has some good qualities and I'm not at all disputing he cares, he does.... I don't think there is enough trust in him on your end... and after a year, mostly 2x a week even, that is a bit concerning to me, in that, I don't see that changing. I see you getting stuck in this pattern over and over and over still... due to some trust issues, and I have trust issues, I get it but at some point, you have to learn to trust and just let things be, and go with it. It's scary no doubt but you will really grow from it by doing so.

I'm not saying you have to leave him, just saying to consider things like this going forward, I gave you some good suggestions too about dealing with your anxiety, and those have helped me, so I'd say, it's worth at least trying.

I'm not saying either, to email him again because of this..... I think his reply to you was really nice and should be able to get you through the weekend and even in similar times in the future when you feel down, I'm just saying, something on one of your ends has to change, or this pattern will keep repeating in the future. I don't want to see you years from now, still unsure if he cares etc. I'm really rooting for you to make progress and grow, I'd love to see you happy.

I missed "He compared LT to a stalker sifting through someone's trash" - was it mentioned on a recent post? I personally like LT's T based on the shares on the forum and think someone like him would be more compatible with me and helpful to me more than most of the other Ts I read about and have experienced. I would not feel thrown even by that comment or many of his other comments and would have loved to received similar directness from my own Ts, which I had asked for, but they refused. I easily see how he is definitely not for everyone but not every person who goes to therapy or wants help with mental health has the same needs, sensitivities and preferences. I also have the impression LT find him overall useful, more than her other Ts before, and posters on this forum are often trying to convince her otherwise. Why? And am I missing something?

[DP_2017]

^ No... I'm just saying there's a lack of trust in the relationship, it's concerning because the same patterns still get repeated. I don't personally KNOW him, so I'm not gonna say he's **** or whatever, I just know he isn't for me... and it's worth her considering IMO if going forward it's best for her to keep cycling the same patterns. As I also stated, I personally, off this forum, shared some ideas with her how to handle her anxiety in the future.... I just want to see this pattern change and her to be happy and more content with things with her T. It's her choice in the end. People here hate my T but I wont leave him, so it is what it is. We all have a right to post our thoughts on this as she has shared it with us.... but it will be up to her what she does. Just good to give her various views on things from the outside looking in

[LonesomeTonight]

Will address all of this in a bit once H and D leave for the morning!

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Will address all of this in a bit once H and D leave for the morning!

Are they going somewhere fun? You should join them if so.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I find it interesting how many people have strong opinions on this topic on here.
I'll chime in here, I don't usually like replying to the in session thread.

I think whether a therapist works for you and how you do therapy is very individual. Yes, some therapists are abusive or not ethical. But the ones that are not still come in all shapes and forms. For example, some people might need a therapist that sometimes gets angry and really shows that. Because they have never experienced someone being truly mad. Others, like me, would probably run as soon as that happened. But neither getting mad or not getting mad is always wrong, it depends on the two parties that are in the room.

I also don't think it's necessarily true that after a year the trust should be strong enough to never freak out about things that might sound like abandonment (or anything else the person in therapy struggles with, really). Therapy is a process. Sometimes things are better, sometimes they get worse again. Trust fluctuates, as does everything else in life. For a lot of more complicated issues, some repetition is needed before things have truly improved.
Some people in therapy struggle with the same thing since they were born. Expecting them to just suddenly snap out of it after a set time frame is silly. Some people will take a few months of therapy and be fine. Some will take years and never be fine. It's not the same for all people. Some ways of solving an issue will work for some, not for others. Not all people have the same experiences in life, the same character, the same way of dealing with problems or the same response to a kind of treatment.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

I find it interesting how many people have strong opinions on this topic on here.
I'll chime in here, I don't usually like replying to the in session thread.

I think whether a therapist works for you and how you do therapy is very individual. Yes, some therapists are abusive or not ethical. But the ones that are not still come in all shapes and forms. For example, some people might need a therapist that sometimes gets angry and really shows that. Because they have never experienced someone being truly mad. Others, like me, would probably run as soon as that happened. But neither getting mad or not getting mad is always wrong, it depends on the two parties that are in the room.

I also don't think it's necessarily true that after a year the trust should be strong enough to never freak out about things that might sound like abandonment (or anything else the person in therapy struggles with, really). Therapy is a process. Sometimes things are better, sometimes they get worse again. Trust fluctuates, as does everything else in life. For a lot of more complicated issues, some repetition is needed before things have truly improved.
Some people in therapy struggle with the same thing since they were born. Expecting them to just suddenly snap out of it after a set time frame is silly. Some people will take a few months of therapy and be fine. Some will take years and never be fine. It's not the same for all people. Some ways of solving an issue will work for some, not for others. Not all people have the same experiences in life, the same character, the same way of dealing with problems or the same response to a kind of treatment.

I agree, I don't think it has to be but it's also a few times a week for most of that year and many times he had to show he cares. I'm again, someone who has trust issues, I tested my T often, I needed the reassurance but like I said, at some point, you have to just let it be and see what happens, try to put some faith in the relationship. Scary moments, hard moments, those happen in therapy and in life sometimes but knowing T is still there and still cares regardless, is healing. I just want to see this pattern change in her future but I think there needs to be a lot more work with this issue going forward... on both their ends. Again, its' her choice in the end. She actually knows him, I don't, I just know how I worked on my trust issues and got to a place where I'm more secure with things. She and I also talk OFF PC, so there's a lot more convos we have personally had than people see here...so she wont be surprised by any of what I'm saying. She also knows I'm coming from a similar background and with a place of good intentions, wanting the best for her

Also yes, my T got angry with me recently and after reflecting on it, I was so grateful that happened. THAT to me, felt like real care.... it helped even more with my trust. I could see how many people would run screaming in that.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Are they going somewhere fun? You should join them if so.

Part fun, part errands. But I have to do work, unfortunately, since D's off 2 days next week (the negative side of freelance).

[Waterloo12345]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

Sorry LT. Happy to post here instead of on IST. My last response on this, as you know my thoughts already.

Just in response to the poster on IST. I don't care how many times he has refrained. He compared LT to a stalker sifting through someone's trash. Unacceptable. Flat out unacceptable. You don't have the right to say any old **** that pops into your head when you are sat with a client. I'd like to see one study, just one, that suggests unabashed "honesty" in the way he practices has any therapeutic merit. Because I don't believe it has any at all.

I missed the stalker post too but for the ones I've read it doesn't seem to me to be outside the realms of competent therapy in the context of different therapeutic alliances.

In regard to length of time I've been in therapy 2x and now 3x a week for about a year and my trust and abandonment issues still going strong so it's hard to set a time line. But I did try to jump recently so as long as individuals are moving forward overall I think it's ok.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I missed "He compared LT to a stalker sifting through someone's trash" - was it mentioned on a recent post? I personally like LT's T based on the shares on the forum and think someone like him would be more compatible with me and helpful to me more than most of the other Ts I read about and have experienced. I would not feel thrown even by that comment or many of his other comments and would have loved to received similar directness from my own Ts, which I had asked for, but they refused. I easily see how he is definitely not for everyone but not every person who goes to therapy or wants help with mental health has the same needs, sensitivities and preferences. I also have the impression LT find him overall useful, more than her other Ts before, and posters on this forum are often trying to convince her otherwise. Why? And am I missing something?

OK, so this was about 6 months ago. Background: A month or two before that, I'd asked him for a transitional object before I went on an interview for a PhD program, and he gave me a stone from his office. The session before the one I'm linking here, I'd mentioned at end of session that I held the stone the other night when I was upset, and it had comforted me. I said, "I hope you don't think that's weird." T: "Maybe about 10% weird." The next session, I asked him to explain, leading to...stonegate.

Here's that session

[LonesomeTonight]

And here's the one we had immediately after that to work through it.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Waterloo12345

In regard to length of time I've been in therapy 2x and now 3x a week for about a year and my trust and abandonment issues still going strong so it's hard to set a time line. But I did try to jump recently so as long as individuals are moving forward overall I think it's ok.

You seem stuck too and it's sad. I hate to see people feeling stuck in patterns in therapy. I'd also encourage you to try some small changes. If one of your ways to seeking reassurance is emailing often, go one week without, if you constantly apologize in session or ask T if they care, go one week without. When you see that T is still there, still cares and nothing has changed, it can help, It's no doubt hard and scary but it's a good way to slowly try to pull yourself out of the same patterns. That is merely my point, not that there HAS to be a time frame, heck I still have some trust issues with my T, mostly due to our rupture, but I've have to learn to let go and just let things be sometimes. See that he is still there and still cares etc. Otherwise it will just be me feeling stuck long term.

I agree that LT has made some small progress, as with most things in therapy, its small and steady and that's ok. Same on my end.... I just am personally trying as a friend to her, to try and encourage her to change her patterns, I know she struggles with it and that it gets her down and she wants to change. Nothing wrong with trying to encourage people, even if it seems harsh seeming. I'd much rather people be open and honest/harash with me about things.

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

OK, so this was about 6 months ago. Background: A month or two before that, I'd asked him for a transitional object before I went on an interview for a PhD program, and he gave me a stone from his office. The session before the one I'm linking here, I'd mentioned at end of session that I held the stone the other night when I was upset, and it had comforted me. I said, "I hope you don't think that's weird." T: "Maybe about 10% weird." The next session, I asked him to explain, leading to...stonegate.

Here's that session

Thanks. I did read that post before and followed the stone story. I don't see in that post mentioned that "he compared LT to a stalker sifting through someone's trash" and read "he also compared it to a fan going onto Bruce Willis' property and taking something from his trash and treasuring it because it belonged to him" - to me these statements don't have the same meaning. But if you guys discuss more privately and there is more revealed that way, my perceptions may be off as I only see the public posts. In any case, I personally like to follow your posts about this therapy mostly because they are so well-written and (as mentioned before several times) the T's style seems like something/someone I would find myself compatible with. He never strikes me as someone lacking reflection, more just sometimes clueless about certain things LT brings to therapy but to me it seems like he in interested in and willing to learn. The content of the stories is also often intriguing because so different from what I experienced in therapy, including my feelings and how I used it - this is where I relate to the T actually. Some people on this forum said before that he is too cognitive in style for working with LT's attachment stuff, which may be true. Of course one can say a therapist should have broader knowledge and experience with clients, which may also be true, but I guess it also depends what sort of modality they are working from primarily and what kind of clientele they have had. At least he does not sound like he makes fake/superficial claims to understand very well something that he does not, which many Ts do, IMO. Another reason I feel drawn to the discussions about this T is because, in some ways, I feel he triggers.frustrates people in some similar ways I sometimes do myself and am curious what exactly it is about.