[ScarletPimpernel]

It just seems that not only are you walking on eggshells with this T, but you're also training him on how to be a therapist. He says he'll be honest with you, that's great, but the way he reacted about the stone shows that he doesn't have his **** together.

I know you're trying so hard to make this work. I hope your T gets his **** together and helps you process your relationship with ex-mc and other men.

[ruh roh]

I'm glad it went well, LT. I laughed out loud about his comment re not having fantasies about mc. ahaha

DP made a comment that everyone has sexual fantasies and I just want to represent the tiny minority who do not. I actually did not even know where you were going with the hints, LT, so it's a good thing I'm not a therapist.

[DP_2017]

Ruh Roh

There's always exceptions. I hate generalizations but I think he said it that way to try to make me feel better about the issue I had that made that come up anyway..... I was sharing it because our T's seemed to both think similar and I would agree it's fairly common for MOST people to have them.

[Lemoncake]

I'm glad you had a good session LT.

I'm one of those people who didn't get the hints until you said it point blank. I think you're very brave for being able to be so honest about your feelings.

[Echos Myron redux]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I'm glad it went well, LT. I laughed out loud about his comment re not having fantasies about mc. ahaha

DP made a comment that everyone has sexual fantasies and I just want to represent the tiny minority who do not. I actually did not even know where you were going with the hints, LT, so it's a good thing I'm not a therapist.

FWIW I usually find you very insightful and you have unbelievably good memory for detail. I think you'd be a much better therapist than many of the therapists who get an airing on this site!

[Anne2.0]

I think you could put together your posts into a book that people would get something out of reading.

One thing that strikes me is whether you and your T are on the same page with respect to your goals in therapy. Maybe what you are interpreting as his lack of comfort with content is not that but his desire to keep you moving forward rather than backwards. I think that interactions have different impact and value depending on whether someone is trying to improve the intimacy in her marriage, or trying to heal from rejection or loss of/from significant others, or achieve other personal or professional goals.

I find your therapy interesting because very little of mine is spent on the relationship, although I have questioned him about his reactions in both little and larger ways, but from time to time. But I'm not in therapy for relational reasons and I don't have specific relational goals-- although a side benefit has been when working on my stuff, my relationships get better.

You don't have to share, obviously, I'm just curious about whether you feel (beyond whether a session is good or not) that you are making progress on the things that cause you pain (or maybe that's not even it, anyway, as maybe your life is exactly the way you want it.

[Erebos]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

It just seems that not only are you walking on eggshells with this T, but you're also training him on how to be a therapist. He says he'll be honest with you, that's great, but the way he reacted about the stone shows that he doesn't have his **** together.

I know you're trying so hard to make this work. I hope your T gets his **** together and helps you process your relationship with ex-mc and other men.

You know I am not sure, in some respects I think he knows exactly what he is doing.

He is making her work it out. I don't think he is as dumb as it appears.
LT has a very fixed view of how she expects therapy to go, and he knows it.
No point in agitating that if it isn't necessary.

I Dont think i am over crediting here, I have seen this tactic before.
Alot of his "things" the tape, the stone, some like keeping things moving forward. They dislike fixed objects that provide a focus to the past. And would expect the same explanation of what you hoped to gain from it. And would state the same draw backs.

My pdoc is not dissimilar to this guy except without the sugar coating. And alot more experience and abrasive, but there are familiar tactics.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

It just seems that not only are you walking on eggshells with this T, but you're also training him on how to be a therapist. He says he'll be honest with you, that's great, but the way he reacted about the stone shows that he doesn't have his **** together.

I know you're trying so hard to make this work. I hope your T gets his **** together and helps you process your relationship with ex-mc and other men.

Thanks for the wishes, Scarlet. I feel like he's been understanding more the past few weeks. Particularly in the sense of reassuring me that just because something makes him uncomfortable doesn't mean we can't talk about it. And that he'd never drop me for being uncomfortable about something. It seems like he's finally come to understand my deep-seated fear of rejection and abandonment and is doing things to make me feel safer.

He's supposedly going to talk about the stone in his consulting group that was meeting today, so I'm curious as to how that goes. (Though wish he'd gotten consultation about it closer to when he initially gave it to me and apparently felt uncomfortable about it.) But it does feel like he's trying more lately to understand why he's reacting how he is to some things I say and taking some responsibility for that. He's far from perfect, but going to keep trying with him for now. He seems pretty invested in making it work with me and has said things like he's feeling this out with me. (Would I prefer a T who'd already "felt it out" with past clients? Sure. But if he's willing to examine himself and work with me to meet my needs, I'm willing to give him a chance.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I'm glad it went well, LT. I laughed out loud about his comment re not having fantasies about mc. ahaha

DP made a comment that everyone has sexual fantasies and I just want to represent the tiny minority who do not. I actually did not even know where you were going with the hints, LT, so it's a good thing I'm not a therapist.

Thanks, RR! Yeah, I was amused by that comment, too! Helped lighten the mood a bit. T can be quite funny at times.


It's possible T had no idea where I was going with that either. (Might be something to ask him, out of curiosity.) I mean, I partly talked about all the ex-MC stuff to cover for it, too. Which now makes me worry that he thinks my thoughts about him are the same as for ex-MC...when they're very much not. Like those sorts of thoughts about T take on a very different quality than they did with MC (without going into TMI territory!) Figure I'll clarify that Monday.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I'm glad you had a good session LT.

I'm one of those people who didn't get the hints until you said it point blank. I think you're very brave for being able to be so honest about your feelings.

Thanks, Lemon. Yeah, I'm really starting to wonder if T got the hints either, TBH. I actually think that's a recurring issue with me, that I assume someone knows what I'm getting at, when really they don't. In this case, I wouldn't have wanted him to figure it out without my choosing to share it. But in other cases, I think I can feel hurt or misunderstood if someone doesn't jump on the subliminal or subtle messages I think I'm giving.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I think you could put together your posts into a book that people would get something out of reading.

Thanks, Anne. I've thought of doing something like that at some point actually--there seems to be a serious lack of info out there for clients dealing with things like transference (a few blogs, plus a couple books touch on it a bit, but I haven't seen much else in firsthand experiences). Would probably have to use a pseudonym though!

One thing that strikes me is whether you and your T are on the same page with respect to your goals in therapy. Maybe what you are interpreting as his lack of comfort with content is not that but his desire to keep you moving forward rather than backwards. I think that interactions have different impact and value depending on whether someone is trying to improve the intimacy in her marriage, or trying to heal from rejection or loss of/from significant others, or achieve other personal or professional goals.

You're definitely on to something here. He's said a few times that he really doesn't want to replicate the ex-MC relationship, because he doesn't think that would be healthy for me. I think much of this, from what he's said, is his trying to look out for my well-being, not wanting me to get attached to or too focused on him, but instead to focus on my outside (as in, not therapeutic) relationships. I think for a while there he was trying so hard to keep me from being attached that he went too far in the other direction.

At one point, during the initial stone discussions (stonegate?), I said I needed him to meet me where I am right now, which is somewhat attached and with some transference, and to move forward from there. Like to accept where I am right now instead of trying to prevent something that already had occurred from happening. I think he understands more now what I need, that he can meet some of those needs (like reassurance that he's not going to terminate because I say/do something that makes him uncomfortable) while also not encouraging dependency (which I think ex-MC did to some extent--encourage dependency, I mean).

I find your therapy interesting because very little of mine is spent on the relationship, although I have questioned him about his reactions in both little and larger ways, but from time to time. But I'm not in therapy for relational reasons and I don't have specific relational goals-- although a side benefit has been when working on my stuff, my relationships get better.

My therapy with ex-T wasn't really about that either, though there was some negative maternal transference going on (she's a lot like my mom, plus the same age as her). But then all the transference stuff with ex-MC sort of unearthed some of my attachment needs, stuff from childhood, etc.

You don't have to share, obviously, I'm just curious about whether you feel (beyond whether a session is good or not) that you are making progress on the things that cause you pain (or maybe that's not even it, anyway, as maybe your life is exactly the way you want it.

I definitely think I'm making progress with this T--it's one of the main reasons I've opted to stay with him. I feel I've made more progress with him in 9 months (granted, part of that was twice-weekly sessions) than in the last 3 or 4 years I was with ex-T and ex-MC. Even though this isn't something we've necessarily worked on that much, I've found myself being more social--inviting friends to do things instead of waiting for them to take the lead, going to yoga classes, etc. I think he's helping my relationship with H. I'm understanding myself better. And I guess I'm just feeler stronger, more self-assured. The thing is...I can't say for sure if some of that could have also been a result of getting away from ex-MC. But I think T helped me with that, too (yes, there was the whole rupture with ex-MC in December that led to the end, but I was starting to detach from ex-MC in the few months before that).

I guess overall I just feel more empowered and hopeful under current T. (that was probably a much longer answer than you were looking for!)

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Erebos

You know I am not sure, in some respects I think he knows exactly what he is doing.

He is making her work it out. I don't think he is as dumb as it appears.
LT has a very fixed view of how she expects therapy to go, and he knows it.
No point in agitating that if it isn't necessary.

I Dont think i am over crediting here, I have seen this tactic before.

Alot of his "things" the tape, the stone, some like keeping things moving forward. They dislike fixed objects that provide a focus to the past. And would expect the same explanation of what you hoped to gain from it. And would state the same draw backs.

My pdoc is not dissimilar to this guy except without the sugar coating. And alot more experience and abrasive, but there are familiar tactics.

Oh I don't think he's dumb at all (though he has said once or twice he fears I'm smarter than him). I think he's trying to challenge me and keep me from falling into the same trap/pattern as with ex-MC. He's trying to look out for my well-being. Does part of me just want someone warm and fuzzy like ex-MC could often be, who will let me be attached to him, who will encourage that attachment (in the name of "working through transference"), who will let me text and e-mail and call as much as I want? Sure. Will that help me move forward? Most likely not (unless it was a T extremely skilled in dealing with transference/attachment who knew how to keep me moving forward in the midst of that). So I think he's trying to do what's best for me to get me mentally healthy and not dependent on therapy and to have good relationships with other people in my life. I can know that cognitively and rationally, but the more emotional/little kid part of me still wants the other stuff because it feels good in the moment. I think I just need a sort of balance for now.

[feileacan]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Even though this isn't something we've necessarily worked on that much, I've found myself being more social--inviting friends to do things instead of waiting for them to take the lead, going to yoga classes, etc. I think he's helping my relationship with H. I'm understanding myself better. And I guess I'm just feeler stronger, more self-assured.

That has been my general experience in therapy as well. We talk endlessly about our relationship and seemingly random stuff without heads on addressing anything in my external life. My T knows very little about my external life because I just don't tell him anything what's going on there. And yet I can see things changing in my external life without much conscious effort.

Somehow this process associates to me to a set of balloons. Like you blow one balloon and somehow another balloon somewhere else is almost like magically blown as well, without anyone really explicitly doing it.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by feileacan

That has been my general experience in therapy as well. We talk endlessly about our relationship and seemingly random stuff without heads on addressing anything in my external life. My T knows very little about my external life because I just don't tell him anything what's going on there. And yet I can see things changing in my external life without much conscious effort.

Somehow this process associates to me to a set of balloons. Like you blow one balloon and somehow another balloon somewhere else is almost like magically blown as well, without anyone really explicitly doing it.

Thanks for sharing your experience! I think working through stuff with a T, where it seems a safer environment can definitely have ripple effects on outside relationships. I like your balloon analogy! I feel like it's practice in a way.


It's funny, when I was first talking about this with current T (months ago), I was saying how I was standing up more to ex-MC and that then translated to other relationships (like H and my mother). T seemed rather surprised by that. That playing stuff out in the relationship with a therapist could affect outside relationships. My reaction was, "Wait, this surprises you???" I know this isn't the best thing, but I feel I'm teaching him quite a bit about therapy. (And he's been in private practice for 15 years! Plus has some experience before that, like in psychiatric hospitals, student health services, etc.) Sometimes I feel he should be paying *me* for providing him with continuing education credits... Yet he seems open to learning and understanding, and I think that's the important thing. He's definitely been adapting to me and my needs in many ways.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Thanks, Anne. I've thought of doing something like that at some point actually--there seems to be a serious lack of info out there for clients dealing with things like transference (a few blogs, plus a couple books touch on it a bit, but I haven't seen much else in firsthand experiences). Would probably have to use a pseudonym though!

You're definitely on to something here. He's said a few times that he really doesn't want to replicate the ex-MC relationship, because he doesn't think that would be healthy for me. I think much of this, from what he's said, is his trying to look out for my well-being, not wanting me to get attached to or too focused on him, but instead to focus on my outside (as in, not therapeutic) relationships. I think for a while there he was trying so hard to keep me from being attached that he went too far in the other direction.

At one point, during the initial stone discussions (stonegate?), I said I needed him to meet me where I am right now, which is somewhat attached and with some transference, and to move forward from there. Like to accept where I am right now instead of trying to prevent something that already had occurred from happening. I think he understands more now what I need, that he can meet some of those needs (like reassurance that he's not going to terminate because I say/do something that makes him uncomfortable) while also not encouraging dependency (which I think ex-MC did to some extent--encourage dependency, I mean).

My therapy with ex-T wasn't really about that either, though there was some negative maternal transference going on (she's a lot like my mom, plus the same age as her). But then all the transference stuff with ex-MC sort of unearthed some of my attachment needs, stuff from childhood, etc.

I definitely think I'm making progress with this T--it's one of the main reasons I've opted to stay with him. I feel I've made more progress with him in 9 months (granted, part of that was twice-weekly sessions) than in the last 3 or 4 years I was with ex-T and ex-MC. Even though this isn't something we've necessarily worked on that much, I've found myself being more social--inviting friends to do things instead of waiting for them to take the lead, going to yoga classes, etc. I think he's helping my relationship with H. I'm understanding myself better. And I guess I'm just feeler stronger, more self-assured. The thing is...I can't say for sure if some of that could have also been a result of getting away from ex-MC. But I think T helped me with that, too (yes, there was the whole rupture with ex-MC in December that led to the end, but I was starting to detach from ex-MC in the few months before that).

I guess overall I just feel more empowered and more hopeful under current T. (that was probably a much longer answer than you were looking for!)

That was great. I’m really happy to hear it. That sounds like amazing progress.

[LonesomeTonight]

T Monday. Went back, sat down, both commented on the bad weather (hot and humid). He said I mentioned this right at the end last time, so no time to talk about it, but he wanted to say again how sorry he was that I didn't get into the PhD program. I thanked him and said was OK. He asked more details about the rejection e-mail. Then discussed a bit where I wanted to go from here, like in terms of career (I won't bore you with that part!) That took maybe 15-20 minutes? He said we didn't have to spend lots of time on it, and I said what we were talking about was helpful, but I also didn't want to spend all session on it.

I said how I felt pretty good about how things had gone last session (when I admitted to having had some sexual fantasies about him), that there had been one little thing I'd worried about, but I realized I didn't need to e-mail, that it could wait till Monday. That the worst thing that would happen, if he was thinking what I was afraid he would, is that we would just talk about it, and I would explain, and it would be OK. T said he was very impressed that I was able to figure that out on my own and sort of comfort myself.

He asked if I wanted to share what it was. I then proceeded to give a very long-winded explanation. I said how he'd mentioned the thing about the client with the sexual fantasy, telling him this was where she would rip his clothes off--which was a few sessions ago--when I asked him about that last session, I had figured that he might realize I'd had similar thoughts about him (or why would I bother asking?) I said I'd tried to cover for that by talking about the thoughts I'd had for ex-MC. Which were more about closeness than straight-up sex. And I was concerned that T would think those were the sorts of thoughts I had for him.

T: "Well, you've told me a couple times that you don't have those kind of thoughts for me, so I didn't really think that." Me: "Oh. OK. But...just to clarify, the thoughts...the sexual...ones...that I had for you, they're...very different in nature. I mean, I'm not going into detail, but. The ones about you are...more...just...purely...sexual." T: "OK. Like I said, we can't control our thoughts." Me: "Yeah, OK, I was just making sure."

Side note: I think I need to bring this up to him next session. But I was thinking about it later, and I think I may be surprised that he just believed me, that he took my word for it when I said the feelings I had for him weren't like what I had for ex-MC (both when I'd told him that previously and Monday). I think maybe I'm used to people not believing me...like when I was maybe 18 and felt a connection to my (very openly) gay boss at the store where I was working, and I felt it was completely platonic, but my mom didn't believe me and said, "Me think thou dost protest too much." (That's just one example, there are others.) I think maybe I just assume people will think I'm lying, that I actually feel more for others than I do. And that those feelings are wrong. Which is kind of a depressing realization, the assumption that people won't believe me...

OK, back to session. I said, related to that, I was concerned he'd note things like "wearing a low-cut top," and read meaning into it, like I was trying to come on to him. When often it's just what I happened to throw on and maybe I didn't realize how low-cut it was until I was in the car. Or, like that day, I was wearing a dress because it was really hot out, not for any other reason. Or how one poster on here said their T made a comment about them wearing red lipstick that day (and the poster said it was just to make themselves feel good, nothing to do with the T). I said how I always wear lipstick (kind of a rose shade) because I have really pale lips, and usually a bit of makeup, as I also have pale skin and don't want to look sickly.

He said he doesn't really pay attention to that sort of thing, that he might make note of body language, if I was showing anxiety, but not what I'm wearing and what makeup I'm wearing. That made me feel better. I also said I could see him making a note if I showed up really done up in some outfit that wasn't the sort of thing I'd normally wear, or if I was wearing heavy eye makeup. He said in that case, he'd probably just ask me if I was going someplace right from session, but not assume it was about him. Which again, made me feel better.

This led to my talking about my mom being judgmental of me. One thing I mentioned was how she'd joke that, in terms of guys I dated, I tended to be drawn to "strays and lost causes." Like referring to how maybe I dated a guy who didn't have a job and/or have a car or who chose to dress himself in thrift store clothes. (I was/am drawn to the artist/musician/writer type). And that maybe I'd laugh with her, but it still bothered me. Because these were people I had feelings for and, in some cases, loved.

T agreed how that could be offensive and said he wondered if it was tied to my mom's anxiety and thoughts about her own image. I said that made sense, that maybe she had a certain image of the types of guys I *should* be dating, and they didn't match it. And how my college boyfriend, who bore a slight resemblance to Bono from U2 (including long, dark, wavy hair), after we split up, she asked me, "Did you actually find him to be attractive?" I was like, "Um, yes?!?" T questioned her motives for asking that, like why ask such at thing? Was she just being clueless or intentionally critical? I did say how she seemed to approve of my H (I guess she found him to be attractive enough, plus at the time we started dating, he was gainfully employed with a car and a house).

T asked if she had always seemed critical/judgmental of appearance things, and I talked again about stuff she would say about my outifts ("Want me to iron that for you before you leave?") or comment how I looked especially pretty one day, usually when I was wearing a fair amount of makeup. T asked if I got the message from her that I had to wear makeup, and I said yes, that she'd come right out and said that at one point when we were on vacation at the beach, and I said how freeing it was to not be wearing makeup. Like she'd said, "I wouldn't suggest you normally skip makeup." Which...how is that supposed to make me feel? I said to T that I have pale lips and pale skin, so I feel in some ways I have to wear something so as not to look sickly, but still...

I said I used to feel I could just run to the grocery store up the block without wearing makeup, that I used to feel that I couldn't go to the mailbox at the top of the block with, say, wet hair, or in sweats, because what if I ran into a neighbor? That I still felt I couldn't stand on my front porch, like when seeing D off to school, while not wearing a bra. (Not to be TMI, but I'm between a C and D cup.) And how it was kind of a big deal when a few weeks ago, I went to the nearest grocery store without wearing any makeup.

T said that was good, that I did that. And he wondered, would I judge other people at the grocery store without makeup on, wearing bummy clothes, etc.? Or...and he sounded really uncomfortable when he said this, if they weren't wearing a bra. I said no, not really, unless they were dressed horribly inappropriately. He said to try to think of myself as I would other people. That if I wouldn't judge them, they probably wouldn't be judging me. And if they were, then "F 'em!" Which made me smile. I glanced at clock and said I guessed we needed to stop soon. T looked over at it, seemed surprised at the time, and said, "We do still have a few minutes left."

I talked more about my appearance, specifically my hair, and said how H had kept commenting I should get it cut. So I felt that meant he thought it looked bad. T said it could just be that I kept mentioning it, that I was unhappy with it, so H was just like, "Go get it cut then." I said true, but that haircuts are really stressful for me. T said something that made me think it was because I feared the hairstylist messing up my hair. I said, "No, I've had a panic attack the last few times I got my hair cut. It's partly the having to tilt my head back in the sink, which bothers my neck, then the feeling trapped in the chair, then it's like they have to spend 20 minutes blow-drying. It's a much longer process than for a guy!"

T: "Are you still seeing 'Betty'? (not her actual name, but similar sort of nickname.) Me (thinking he's referring to my hairstylist, whose name is not Betty): "What?" T: "Dr. P-doc. Because that seems like an awful lot of anxiety for a haircut." Me: "Oh, yeah, I haven't seen her for a while." T: "Are you still on any medication?" Me: "A fairly low dose of Zoloft." T: "It just seems like you struggle so much with anxiety. I hate that you have to deal with that all the time. It seems like it would be so much easier for you if you didn't have to deal with all that." Me: "Yeah, I wish I could find something that worked well on it. There are very few meds, besides benzos, that are strictly for anxiety. And I've tried so many different meds, and with some I've had really bed physical or mental side effects." T (seeming genuinely sad for me): "I'm sorry. That seems really difficult." Me: "Thanks. There are still some I haven't tried, so maybe I could give them a chance? I'll make an appointment with her."

I said I knew we had to stop and got out my phone. Confirmed Thursday, scheduled for Monday. I went over and paid. T: "Do you feel well enough for a handshake?" (We hadn't shaken hands the past 2 sessions since I had a cold.) Me: "I think so?" T held out his hand, and I shook it. Me: "You're probably gonna go Lysol yourself now, aren't you?" T: "Maybe! Have a good week." Me: "You too." T (referring to the intense heat outside): "Don't cook!" Me: "I'll do my best!"

After I left, I realized I'd forgotten to ask if he'd talked about the stone in his consulting group Friday (as he'd planned to). Debating whether to ask at next session tomorrow.

I enjoy following this thread, thanks for sharing all this in one place, LT And I like your T, he is probably my favorite from the ones people post quite detailed reports about here on PC. I don't think I have ever found Ts that were a very good fit with me but, from the way I imagine, someone like yours might be a decent match and easy to work with. Kinda straightforward, direct, practical, relatively uncomplicated and not infusing interactions and experiences with things unnecessarily and in distorted ways. Open about limits, what sorts of things are challenging for him, but also open to reasonable challenge.

I am really glad to hear that you feel like progressing with him, not only in therapy but also in daily life! I am sure you mentioned much earlier but may I ask how you found this T in the first place?

[SalingerEsme]

I am on pins and needles to hear about the stone!

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I enjoy following this thread, thanks for sharing all this in one place, LT And I like your T, he is probably my favorite from the ones people post quite detailed reports about here on PC. I don't think I have ever found Ts that were a very good fit with me but, from the way I imagine, someone like yours might be a decent match and easy to work with. Kinda straightforward, direct, practical, relatively uncomplicated and not infusing interactions and experiences with things unnecessarily and in distorted ways. Open about limits, what sorts of things are challenging for him, but also open to reasonable challenge.

I am really glad to hear that you feel like progressing with him, not only in therapy but also in daily life! I am sure you mentioned much earlier but may I ask how you found this T in the first place?

Thanks! Always good to know people like reading my updates. T's straightforwardness (or "honesty" as he would put it) really took some getting used to, but for the most part, I appreciate it. I also appreciate that he doesn't share tons of stories about himself and his kids like ex-MC did. Would I like to know some more about him (and his family)? Yes. Do I think that would necessarily be a good thing? No.

As for how I found this T, I just looked at profiles on Psychology Today in this area. I felt I wanted a male, in the hopes of dealing with some of the ex-MC issues and to avoid negative maternal transference that I had with ex-T. I also didn't want one who was, like, 70, for fear they'd be retiring soon. And I didn't want one who had just started practicing. That narrowed it down considerably, and I had a good feeling from T's profile on there and his personal website. I also contacted one other T at the time, but this one got back to me almost instantly (like, he was sitting at his computer when my e-mail came through!) and said he could talk to me that evening about scheduling an appointment. He seemed nice on the phone and open to my just seeing him a month or two as consultation (what I initially wanted), and was able to see me fairly quickly, so went for it.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

I am on pins and needles to hear about the stone!

lol. I'm almost afraid to ask him--maybe he decided not to/didn't get a chance to bring it up? Or maybe they all said they would have reacted as he would have? I'll probably mention it today and see what he says, like won't push him for details if he doesn't seem forthcoming.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

He might wait for you to bring it up, if you’re interested it can’t hurt to ask

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

He might wait for you to bring it up, if you’re interested it can’t hurt to ask

I did! Sorta wish I hadn't...will post more later. Took up a significant part of session (with a few diversions alone the way).

[DP_2017]

I'm shocked you still bring it up. I could not even care much anymore knowing how he reacted before.

Sounds like it didn't go so well though Maybe just leave it be going forward.... hopefully something good happened in session though. Sucks when sessions have like no good spots.

[Lemoncake]

I think the stone is important and it's not just a stone. My longest rupture with T lasted 5 weeks, and I kept bringing up the same stuff because I needed to. Therapy is supposed to be about you, not your T's feeling necessarily.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I think the stone is important and it's not just a stone. My longest rupture with T lasted 5 weeks, and I kept bringing up the same stuff because I needed to. Therapy is supposed to be about you, not your T's feeling necessarily.

I guess this has been off and on since mid-May--he gave me the stone a couple weeks before that, but it wasn't till I mentioned getting comfort out of holding it that it became a thing. I'm not sure I can convince T that his feelings aren't supposed to be a part of it...but I was under the impression that part of why I pay him is to keep his feelings out of it? At least that's what ex-T and ex-MC suggested. I sent him a pathetic e-mail, was going to include a more accusatory supplement, but changed my mind. I should probably just terminate.