Couch 172: Couch me if you can

Knowing I've committed to 3 months of weekly sessions with t makes me feel both relieved and a little well, scared, yes. Because I think I've just peeled back another layer of protection and am now even more vulnerable and while a long-hidden part of me is leaping for joy at finally being seen, the rest of me is shaking in my boots. Does this make any sense at all to anyone?

I know there's www.care.com and www.sittercity.com, not sure if they charge or not.

Care.com is the one I’m complaining about. Sittercity isn’t that great.

Is it possible for a new SSRI to make you sort of silly? Because I just laughed for like 5 minutes at something kinda random, to the point that H was asking me if I was OK.

I don't know, but kinda wouldn't surprise me. You can always call your pharmacy n ask the pharmacist.

What is a corporate job? Is it anything that's not govmint, non profit or self employed?

I saw her tonight. She was great, and sat with me until I called them back again to let them know when I could come in. I need to call back again tomorrow (ugh) to talk to the day staff to finalize it, I guess. My T also offered to visit me on her day off next week.
My babies LOVE me being depressed. They get to cuddle with me 24/7.

Thanks guys. I am going to be a wreck these next few days.

MacHinery

Isn't this the basic nature of therapy?

I have to tell someone about the weird crap that happened in session. I was talking then i became aware of something on top of me or covering me, then i got this feeling i shouldnt be there. I told t this and we talked about it a bit, i kept insisting it was wrong and i shouldnt be here, then t suggested i stand which i did eventually and i could physically feel this thing fall down like when a towel falls down. I sat down and t said should we open a window and let it out, i said no it should be right on floor. I looked on the floor while a part of me was yellingwhy are you looking at a clearly non existent thing?. I was kind of spacey. Like a dissociative thing i think.

(((velcro))) I hope you find it beneficial.

I suppose? I guess I am just referring as applying to businesses as corporate because they are not in someone’s home like I do now with nannying but rather in an office and doing all which that entails for the specific position I applied for. Like answering phones, typing, managing accounts or what not. I may be referring it wrong when I say corporate.

Art, on the T thing-your thoughts and feelings make sense. You are starting work to figure that out so it makes sense.

LT- I know when I was SSRI’s until my body adjusted-I was always stupid silly but the side effects are different for everyone.

Yes. But it hadn't been for awhile.

ETA: and I have to remember that this has happened before. Each time it has we have gone deeper. I think this is gonna be the deepest yet. Reaches waaaaaaay back.

I am not much of one for taking pictures - but it was basically like this:
https://theseasidebaker.com/sous-vide-creme-brulee/

oh my looks yummy!!

I like the texture the sous vide gives it - to me it is much softer than in a simple water bath in the oven. But some people like the other texture a little better.

Now i want creme brulee, and custard tarts and bread and butter pudding. Art how about we have a custard fest?

Thanks, Jersey. This seems to confirm my belief that the Zoloft I'd been on for the past few years was no longer doing anything for me. Because this is a tiny dose of Lexapro (never tried this one before), and I'm noticing this effect like 4 days in.

I only stayed on lexapro for a short time years and years ago, but that was among many of the SSRI’s I had that made me be real stupid silly.

Eventually we gave up on SSRI’s and I went on Effexor which is a SNRI and had much more success with those but that’s a mood stabilizer and not everyone needs those. Also, the effects of coming off of that are horrible. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Now I don’t take anything.

I tried Effexor and then Cymbalta (also and SNRI) a few years ago and had a bad psychological reaction to both.

Oh right and also physical reaction when I went up on Cymbalta with some fun leg twitching things. Since I went right from Effexor to Cymbalta, I didn't have to deal with Effexor withdrawal, but I've heard it's the worst to get off of. I've tried most SSRIs at some point over the past 15 years or so (plus Wellbutrin, Lamictal, Abilify, and, very briefly, Gabapentin), but not Lexapro yet. I'm really sensitive to meds, so can be hard to get up to a therapeutic dose without lots of side effects. Like Zoloft and Paxil were OK at lower doses, but when I went up beyond a certain point, I got agitation and restlessness, and considering I'm partly using them to treat anxiety, that...wasn't good!

Lexapro worked really well for me for many years.

Prozac worked for me for a few years, until it didn't anymore and I had my breakdown in 2009. Then I went on a combination of Zoloft and Trazodone that year and stayed on them until sometime in late 2012 or early 2013 (after I started seeing t) when I went off them. Actually I had quit the Trazodone well before that because it gave me such terrible nightmares. But that's when I stopped taking the Zoloft. I didn't wean myself off as slowly as pdoc told me to, because I was just done with the flat emotions, and I got brain zaps for a short time from going off it too fast.

I went off Cymbalta last May. It was terrible—dizzy spells and extreme mood swings.

In other news. I just put on my weekly pot of red lentil chili. I'm hungry but I'm gonna wait til it's done to eat dinner. It won't be long in the pressure cooker.... mmmmm