My therapist laughs at me?

My therapist laughs at me. Not when I am pouring my heart out or anything, but not when I am trying to be funny, either. What I mean is that he sometimes laughs at the way I phrase things or how I say things, the way you might laugh at a child for doing something cute or endearing by accident. I don't know if I find it condescending or comforting but it is odd. He is my father's age and it makes me feel some kind of paternal connection with him. Does your therapist chuckle or laugh at the way you word or say things?

Could it be that the therapist is laughing with you and not at you? My own T will sometimes smile, laugh, or even guffaw at some of my phrases. And it serves a purpose. Not that I am sounding silly, rather an indication I have perhaps misread something that was actually quite obvious. So she will chuckle on occasion. But she always then will rephrase what the question was to begin with.

My therapist definitely laughs sometimes when I put things in unique ways, and I'm not always trying to be funny but I do use words in interesting patterns and am pretty articulate in general.

I don't experience it as laughing at me and not necessarily laughing with me (although that happens too), but as a humorous response to something I say. I like that he responds with humor to something not necessarily intended as humorous. It makes therapy more like delight and play rather than always being so humorously serious all the time.

You can't really control other people's honest reactions to you. If you want them to stop, you can ask, but for me it's been more useful to allow people to say what they feel rather than try to script their reactions to me-- as long as it's not abusive or otherwise breaking some kind of boundary for me. It promotes greater connection and I myself appreciate having more rather than less freedom in my relationships with others.

Yes, both of the women did. The second would then almost immediately say she was not laughing at me but that my phrasing/delivery/syntax was funny. The first one said she thought we were sharing a sense of humor. I was not and I think she said it to justify her mocking me.
I think they think they are bonding with the client when they do that sort of thing. I think it is calculated.

Yes, she does. Sometimes I experience it as laughing with me because it causes me to see that I'm being ridiculous. Sometimes I'm already laughing too. Sometimes it ticks me off and I call her on it. Sometimes it ticks me off and I don't say anything. I'm kinda all over the place on this.

Yes, my therapists (past and present) often laugh when I say nothing seemingly funny, but, so does everyone else. Often times it's in the way I phrase things. Other times, I have no idea why. I recently asked my 80-year old friend how she was doing and her 45-year old daughter started roaring...at everything thing I said. Apparently, I'm quite the comedic boob. lol. It used to bother me, now I just roll with it. It usually ends up making me laugh, too. Actually, I guess I have learned to embrace it.

My T often laughs at his own nonsense, and when I make an obvious joke. But he doesn't laugh when I'm being serious.

One of my therapists is very, very careful not to laugh at me unless she is absolutely sure I am joking. Either that or she does not understand my incredibility sophisticated but somewhat dry and understated humor. That's actually one of the few things that I don't like about her.

The other therapist laughs at me all the time. Generally I'm being funny on purpose, so of course I like that. Sometimes though I am not. Once it really hurt my feelings and I told him about it. He apologized and said that he sometimes laughs when he gets nervous, which was a rare self-disclosure, and helpful.

I would suggest that if you feel hurt by him laughing, tell him. Yes honest reactions are good. But sometimes people who were bullied as children can have a visceral reaction to being laughed at when they don't mean to be funny. It can absolutely feel mocking and cruel.

If it bothers you, I would talk about it with your T. My former T would laugh sometimes when she found something amusing. I don't laugh much in therapy or real life so sometimes I was puzzled by it, but I knew by her overall attitude toward me that she was caring about me so I just would brush it off.

it doesn't really bother me too much, I just noticed it kept happening. I guess it makes me feel our age difference a bit because, as I said, his laughing is like the way you laugh at a child when they do something amusing or phrase something in a silly way. but that's not necessarily bad. I haven't been going very long (maybe 3.5 months) and have never been to therapy so I guess I am still figuring him out and also figuring therapy out in general.

to give a couple examples:

--sometimes I will say just say "yeah" or "okay" a few times as he is telling me things, and he will start chuckling to himself, and I will say, "What? What are you laughing about?" and he will say "You say that like you want me to shut up" or "to get me to shut up," or one time he mimicked my "yeah" back to me.

--one time he was telling me I should write about what happened and explaining how he would go about it, and I think I said "yeah" or "okay" while he was explaining, and he stopped and laughed to himself and said "You aren't going to do it."

--due to being completely dead inside from abuse, I have a flat affect and tend to say things in a very deadpan way, no matter what I am talking about, and sometimes he will chuckle to himself briefly when I say things and I think this is why, because I am basically Daria and he finds that amusing? e.g. one time I said my friends in high school started doing coke and heroin, and he asked me why I didn't start doing coke or heroin with them, and I said "Well, it seems unpleasant." I wasn't at all trying to be funny or sarcastic, it was just deadpan, but he laughed to himself.

I don't know what happened to my previous comment here as it never showed up.

Basically, I am not at all upset with my therapist for this and don't really care to bring it up with him, but I can't tell if he finds me endearing or is mocking me? It makes me feel like a little girl because, as I said, it is the kind of chuckle-laugh you might have to yourself when a kid has done something cute or silly, but I am in my thirties, so. Some examples:

--sometimes when he is telling me something I say "yeah" or "okay," which admittedly isn't very engaging but I am a little awkward and weird, and when I do this he laughs to himself for a bit, and when I ask "What? What are you laughing about?" he says something like, "You say 'okay' like you want me to to shut up" or "to get me to shut up." Or one time he mimicked my "yeah" back at me.

--another time he was telling me to try writing about an experience and explaining how I might approach it and I think I said "okay," and he stopped in the middle of explaining and started laughing to himself and said "You aren't going to do it."

--I am pretty much dead inside at this point and have a flat affect, so I can be pretty deadpan, and I think sometimes he is laughing at my deadpanning. I don't mean to be but I can't help it, because dead. So for example, one time I was telling him about my high school friends doing coke and heroin, and he asked me why I never did that too, and I said "Well, it seems unpleasant." I wasn't being sarcastic or anything, but he chuckled to himself.

He's done it more than that, but those are the more recent ones I remember.

The way I read these examples, I think he is reacting a little bit like an older relative who finds the things a younger relative is saying to be endearing. I don't at all get a vibe like he is mocking you in any way. I think he is appreciating your candor or directness.

I don't think that means he sees you in a condescending way. I think that, just like clients sometimes get transference and start seeing their T as a bit like a parental figure, T's probably get transference too and sometimes feel protective or appreciative like a parental figure might. That stuff can happen even if it doesn't quite fit the data (i.e. your ages and so on). Just personally, I would tend to see this as a positive sign that he likes you as a client. That's just my personal read on things, from your examples.

I think it sounds nice. I would like it and would not consider it mocking.

I'm glad it sounds more kind than condescending and I do think so too -- I like him a lot as a person (rare for me for an older white man tbh) and have been feeling similarly, that he is becoming a bit of a paternal presence in my life. But I sometimes have trouble determining if I should trust someone and what their motives are, and can overanalyze to the point of absurdity.

I would actually feel the same way. To me, this type of reaction would sound dismissive and borderline condescending. When I want to address something seriously, especially in therapy, I expect to be taken seriously. When I had therapy I definitely didn't come to sessions and paid hefty fees to entertain the Ts. There are certainly moments when both client and T can naturally lighten up and laugh at something together, but it has to feel funny to both. If it is habitually funny to the T only, this is inappropriate and unprofessional. I would definitely tell them that I don't appreciate their having fun at my expense (literally) when I am trying to discuss some serious stuff about myself and my life and that I want them to focus on what I am trying to say instead of finding fun in how I say it. I had only one such moment with my last T and I told him exactly how I said it now. He did shut up and never did it again and was really trying to listen ever since.

My therapist fully gets and shares my sense of humour which, until this very second, I didn't identify as one of the most valuable elements of our relationship. I would feel (and have felt) a sinking sense of futility, disconnect and boredom with a therapist who didn't at least smile at the right times.

That said, she won't laugh if she thinks I'm being too self-deprecating. Sometimes I'm like "come on, that was pretty funny!" She's abridged her former long response in these situations to just "compassion," like she's sparing us both the speech. Sometimes I pre-empt her "oh wait, let me guess, you think that I should have compassion for my younger self?" and she'll smile at that. I'm allowed to make fun of her a little too.

A lot of our exchanges are very similar to what you describe Black Ocean. She'll suggest something and I'll unenthusiastically say "yeah" and she'll see that I just don't have it in me to follow that suggestion and chuckle. But I see it as her laughing at herself for being out of step.

Like sure it would be fantastic to "have more fun" but realistically my life is a shytshow at the moment and that is a totally freaking unhelpful suggestion. So I'll say "yeah" as shorthand for "I really have no interest in continuing this unproductive conversation about The Positive Change I Just Can't Make." She'll see the error in her ways and smile or chuckle, which I will see as her laughing at herself and possibly at the absurdity of my situation (we've desperation-laughed at this together so it's okay) but not as mocking me.

I don't recall my Ts ever laughing at me but I think I would not mind it occasionally, given that it's not just laughing but they come back with something witty. For me in general, this can be a good way to make me pause and think when I am stuck or am exaggerating something, am way too off with my reasoning etc. It only works though if someone's humor and style is not too far from mine.

Blackocean, I wouldn't want a therapist, or anyone for that matter laughing in the way that you describe. I want someone laughing with me, not evaluating my behavior.

I had a hostile team of group therapists who both ridiculed clients and told jokes at our expense. They intensified as I tried to terminate. From the accounts here though, my two seem at the extreme end of the deplorable therapist meter.

It's really interesting how different the reactions are here to the same examples. I guess I am somewhere in between, where I am not sure how I feel about him doing this. I really don't trust men ever and am always looking for ways to ghost them, but I am also subconsciously drawn to men who mistreat me. My spider-sense definitely perked up when I noticed he was doing this. I do like him, though, even if he seems a little old guard white dude, maybe because he is now feeling a little like a dad and it is comforting.... I guess I will keep an eye on it, so to speak.

I really think it is worth bringing up, just to say, I’ve noticed this and I want to 1. Make sure you’re not mocking me, and 2. Let you know that I am unsure how I feel about it. I suspect it is meant affectionately, but if you don’t like it, you have a right to ask him to try to keep a better handle on those reactions.

I probably should bring it up but it is a little awkward and I don't want him to think I am upset because I'm not. I might just bring it up playfully the next time he does it. Like, haha why are you laughing at me? Do you find me amusing?

I'd definitely bring it up in the moment next time. Generally speaking I wouldn't assume he's ever laughing in a way meant to hurt you or be condescending.

But what matters is how you feel about it. If it upsets you, talk to him about it. Maybe it's something that happens other times in your life too and is going to be therapeutic. Maybe he's a little tactless. Maybe it's endearing to him. Maybe 1 million things. You'll never know until you ask.

she laughs at me when i start pulling random things out of my bra that she didnt know was in there- credit card, headphones, cell phone etc lol


and she laughs when i tuck things in there and they disappear like magic.


other than that, no.

My regular T laughs a lot and I love it. I know she's not laughing at me and her laughter is kind and supportive. I can't really describe it - just that it's really nice.

Sorry mine never did, but then again I have always had women as my therapists. I don't see any harm in asking, if it makes you that uncomfortable maybe you should consider having a woman as your therapists.