Couch 177: I Get a Strange Magic - ELO

I thought the same, thing Artie. It's scary how the day slipped away like that.

I think I'm going to try to go back on a mood stabilizer. I've been on both lamictal and lithium before. Might also be time for a benzo. I am such a wreck. Hopefully the psychiatrist won't hold my last appointment against me. I seem to recall telling her I wasn't depressed or anxious, denied all symptoms of PTSD, and said "I don't have that problem!" angrily when she asked about dissociation. In short, I lied my *** off. She was pretty nice about it, though... Just said it seemed like I wasn't in the mood to talk today.

I abhor medication, but lithium was like magic for me. If it hadn't wrecked my kidneys, I would have stayed on it. Lithium, my dear sweet calming balm, I miss you.

Augh. I am about to go on a date with this guy who I dated for several months like a year ago and then dropped when the depression got bad. He texted out of the blue, wanted to meet for drinks.

I'm going because Normal People Go On Dates (and, tbh, because my new shrink thinks that it's unusual how disinterested I am in romantic relationships given my age/gender. I don't especially like this shrink and I recognize that this is an extremely stupid reason to go on a date but him saying that still got to me.) And I liked the guy well enough while I was dating him (smart, very funny, sufficiently good-looking), though I wasn't head over heels or anything.

However, I don't actually want to go because I'm freaking exhausted (working 80h/wk would be exhausting even if I didn't have insomnia/constant physical tiredness from the MDD) and because feel too broken to be in any kind of romantic relationship where someone might depend on me for emotional intimacy. Plus I feel like if I disclose the extent of my broken-ness, any potential romantic partner would high-tail it outta there.

I hate this.

Lithium was the med Smaug had started me on two weeks before she dumped me. It seemed to work well, but once she dumped me I didn’t want anything that woman had prescribed in my body, so I stopped right off.

Perhaps not my wisest move.

I have seen two T's at the same time, and just am starting a second T to my regime.

The first go round my T recommended an EMDR-T, so I saw them both for about a year.

This time, I am adding an art T to my tool box. My insurance and all of my T's have never minded. There was crossover before, but alos the T's kept in contact.
I just met the art-T yesterday, but she said she wants to keep open contact with my T, which I am totally fine with.

It doesn't bother you that they communicate about you?

Lamictal has helped me. Pdoc doesn't want me on Lithium since I have a bad thyroid.

My thyroid is completely atrophied and nonfunctional according to my endo. I don't figure lithium could hurt it at this point, but I wouldn't be surprised if my psychiatrist wanted to steer clear of it for that reason anyway. I was on both lamictal and lithium years ago. I guess I don't really have a preference. I just need something.

Today i got around to talking about G the T who invited me to his house for coffee often, who basically fostered a friendship with me and who skipped town it was awful i have tried to bring this several times before

OMG, how unethical! I hope somebody sues him.

This was about 30 years ago when i was 19.

Whaaa...?! You cant do math... like ts?

the evidence is piling up....

Home from my meeting. Good one this afternoon, I had a bit of an insight re: one of the codependent behaviors - reading it out loud to the group and sharing with them that I had just that moment identified it as something I've been doing my entire LIFE was quite empowering... the recovery pattern is a bit scary... but... I'm ready to start trying it...

On the plus side i only miss 2 sessions while he is on holidays and not 3 as i originally though because he had a spare appt in the week he was working which inwas not aware of. So its only 4 weeks he is away and not 7.

No, because I trust that they are trying to help me.

1. Can’t do math.
2. Has a lot of clocks.
3. Thinks about what she’s having for dinner a lot.

Do we really need to know more?

It amuses me when the self appointed better than everyone else self identified as therapists have meltdowns over the oddest and most unimportant things. Joseph Burgo is a great example or just look around.

I am not crazy enough nor do I take myself seriously enough to be a therapist.

But I do have a lot of clocks and think about dinner almost every day.

Here's Rascal and Penny just now:

I am watching What's Up, Doc. An incredibly annoying movie and I am not a big fan of Barbra Striesand. I do however love Madeline Kahn and I laugh myself silly whenever she is on the screen.

Lovely cats. I haven't had cats in years but when I did, they were the same colors are your two.

Speaking of dinner, has anyone ever made cheese fondue?

I have made cheese fondue but I don't actually like it very much. Not just mine - in general I don't like it much. Mine was no worse than any other I have tried.

Cheese melted with wine, whats not to like?

Eta - spooning catz!