Couch 181: The Symmetrical Couch

Your definitely not whingeing. When I'm at my lowest nothing gets cleaned at all.

Pet Lovers

Well, the little dog is going to cost 13 junior cats! This is a terrible financial decision, but I am not going to feel bad about it. I'm not. It needs to be done. So there.

Your post reminded me of this Song by Lana del Ray.

Every now and then the stars align
boy and girl meet by the great design
Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones
Everybody told me love was blind
Then I saw your face and you blew my mind
Finally you and me are the lucky ones, this time.

Poor dog.

Is there an option to spread the cost over x months?

Thanks, Color--that's nice to hear. It took a long time for me to build up to being OK with most feedback. But I find that, so long as it's not a personal attack (as happened in a past thread that ultimately got shut down...), it can be helpful to get different perspectives. And really, one of the things I'm working on with this T is to listen to myself above all others, to take others' comments into consideration, but put them through the LT filter. Since one of my issues is to often put more weight on others' opinions, above my own, something I've been doing my whole life. So, I guess this kind of acts as therapy in itself, posting on here. Plus, typing out stuff about my sessions is helpful to me in general, but there's something else to sharing them (otherwise, I'd just journal).

That's awful...for some reason, my first thought was, I wonder if the T was having a relationship with the client's mother, and things went bad? Either that, or

LT

I wondered both the same things I feel for the clients too, I can't imagine what they are going through right now. I'd lose my mind over this if it was my T

It really doesn’t surprise me when therapist’s act bat **** crazy. I never would’ve gone to thinking abuse was the reason. I doubt I would have been much bothered other than thinking well that is crazier than even I thought she was.

My vote is T having an affair, and the mom deciding to break it off

I'll just put it on the credit card and pay the minimum until I'm dead.

The vet just looks in her mouth and says, "Oh, God, I can see the bone."

Amazingly, she's in pretty good health otherwise. The vet was real nice about it - matter-of-fact, sympathetic, no shaming (I mean, I got the dog literally 3 days ago, so the state of her mouth isn't my fault, but that wouldn't stop a lot of vets from being dicks).

It's okay. There's no other option (short of putting the dog down, I suppose) so there's no point worrying, right?

It's fine. Everything's fine.

I'm quitting smoking to offset the cost. Beavers is going to get all smug and say something nauseating about "silver linings."

Junior cat is very pleased that he is now a nationally known denomination, and wonders why Franklin is still on the $100 bill?

I mean, what did Franklin ever do except get zapped by lightning? Junior cat is too smart to get zapped by lightning. (Also it scares him, along with thunder, fireworks, and fans.)

Hahaha. I thought of Junior cat as soon as the bill was put in front of me and may have let out a small hysterical giggle.

ETA: fans? Thunder, lightning, and fireworks I get, but fans? Do they let out electrical sparks or something?! That'll cost you at least 6 Junior cats.

Yup. Ceiling fans especially.

“It’s spinning...on the ceiling...”

I got a new rescue kitten yesterday. She's so cute. She's a Snowshoe mix. I named her Amelia. She's very skittish though and really shy. I currently have her in the guest room with her food, water, and potty box, so my other cat and dog won't bother her until she gets used to things. My sister is coming next weekend though for my grandpa's funeral and is going to need the guest room, so....I hope kitty warms up soon. Kit.

Informal couch poll:
Is there a difference in meaning between the following statements?
1. “I care about your success.” Or “I care about your well-being.”
Vs.
2. “I care about you.”

Came up right at end of session and T said he’d have to think about it (he’d said first to me.)

The success one I'd say yes there is, they dont sound to be accepting you unless you succeed in whatever they want you to succeed in. I think it's maybe the same for wellbeing.

Saying "I care about you" means exactly that, they care about you as a person not what you can or cannot do.

On the face of it, yes. But keep in mind that, one, the first might mean the second, just the speaker doesn’t feel comfortable being so direct, and two, the second has to happen before the first happens. So in fact saying the first indicates the second.

Did you have a therapy appointment today? From a therapist, I would prefer to hear the first, not the second.

ETA: and I don’t think the first means at all you have to be successful for the speaker to care. It means they want to help you succeed.

Also, coined new term. I commented about something to T at end of session. He said he wanted to think about answer. Didn’t want to give me half-baked answer at end of session. T: “You don’t want to eat raw batter.” Me: “yeah I don’t want to get therapy salmonella.” He was amused and saidcwas good term.

I agree with Whispershadow. I would much rather someone say they care about me than they say they care about my success or my well being. Usually former T would say she cared about me. But if I had a hard time with SH or SI she would say she cared about my well being. Like trying to make it important to me that I not hurt myself or worse. But saying I care about you is more inclusive and just all around a more accepting statement imho. Kit.

For me there would be. Two brings to mind the quote "I do not love you except because I love you" . The person's care is not dependent on being successful in the traditional sense, and would still be there if all I did was eat potato chips in bed. But then I would also find fault with the well being being bit. The person cares if I'm stable and not acting out but not me.

That's a tough one. I'm not sure. I think I'd rather hear "I care about you". It feels more personal, but the other statements would be nice to hear also. My therapist hasn't said what's in #1, but he has said #2 and seems to have no issue expressing it thankfully, because it's something I need to hear. I think your T does care about you.

I love this!

Therapist care within the therapy limits. It's the harsh reality but true. He isn't gonna care about you more than the other clients, or more than his family/friends. He's going to care about just like he does the other clients, and for me, that seems like 1. Typically 1 is what most T's will say to clients... the other can bring too much personal feelings into things and confuse clients etc.

Trust me, I hate this all too, I've debated it myself but I've had to accept that all he is gonna ever do is care about me as a client, and wish the best for me as a person , try to help me get there. I'm not more important than any other clients etc.

Yes there is a difference, but if your T feels one, go with it. It's a typical T thing because of the therapeutic limits. Just be glad he DOES CARE and he wants to help you grow.

If it's any help, I'm sure your family and friends are for sure #2 and many people here on the forum, lots of people care about you, in various ways

My T always says "I care." When I'm struggling, I have to clarify if she means she cares about me. She always says yes, but never says the whole phrase "I care about you." It's frustrating. So I can see how "I care about your success" or "... wellbeing" might not be fulfilling.