Couch 181: The Symmetrical Couch

LT for me those 2 statements mean something different.
If I am at work and my boss says “I care about your success” I would take that to mean she cares very much that I do my job right, push forward and continue to make money for the company. I would not internalize that statement as meaning she cares about me. Don’t get me wrong, she would be sad if something bad happened to me so on a level she does care.
If my best friend said that same statement then I would internalize that she does care about me very much. I think it depends on the relationship. Coming from a therapist- I wonder if I would think that statement had a bit of selfishness to it? “I want to see you succeed because then I know I did my job well” but..pay no mind to me, LT-I’m stubborn so I would probably tell a therapist they are selfish for saying that because they would want to know they did their job to help a client.

I don't trust therapists any more, not after what they said to me years ago.

I can see where someone would think they were the same.
I don't think it is unusual for therapists to tell clients they care about them - both of the women I hired said it to me. I have no idea why, I did not believe them, and it creeped me out -but they said it.

This whole discussions reminds me of “Message: I care.”

Guy needs cue cards.

The one I saw years ago cared more about his pay cheque than anything else and another professional called me a time waster and told me to go home.

Thanks, that helps. Yeah, I think even if he just said “I care,” it would feel better. I guess he did say that in his email, like “I think it’s important to consider all the evidence for whether or not I care.” That suggests it’s about caring in general. I’m thinking this is just a boundary thing of his, I don’t know. Or maybe I’m the first client who hasn’t been content with “I care about your successs/your well-being.” I feel I challenge (and confuse) him in many ways, and maybe this is another? I feel he’s trying really hard to work with and help me, but I’m just pushing against what he’s comfortable with at times. Or maybe not even what he’s comfortable with, but what he’s used to. Like “I’ve been doing things this was for 15 years, now suddenly this client is challenging that. How do I handle it?”

I think I just seriously confuse him at times. He’s trying...maybe cue cards would help though? Or a TelePrompTer?

Oh that reminds me, he was comparing a certain type of person or reaction—being most influenced by the person you’d seen/talked to most recently—to Trump today. I was like, “So basically you’re telling me not to be Trump? I think I can manage that.”

What do you think he is confused about? His feelings for you or your feelings for him? I dont understand what you mean by "challenging", either. That you are a challenging i.e. difficult client, or that you force him to extend himself in ways he hasnt before? And how are those different or similar?

I have just realised everything in my house is a cat toy. Some much for the rotate the toys around idea

I hate depression. I hate knowing exactly what i need to do to help alleviate it but not having the motivation to do it. How do you wrangle motivation. I dont want to see my gp because she will send me the local health service and all pdocs there have a one size fits all approach which doesnt really work for me.

I think my attachment confuses him. He's not used to clients being attached. I think I do force him to extend himself, and he's admitted to that. Like "Oh, now I realize how working in this way can help, thanks for helping me understand that."

It's a cigar space craft!!

Disgraceful!

I feel like I'm a bad friend, I wish I was better at offering support and advice. Thank goodness I'm not a T, I'd have no clients

I used to be hard on myself with that as well but then I started to figure that if I was a bad friend they would stop telling me their stuff. So I let myself off the hook with that.

I need to go to bed. My head is pounding. I’m pretty sure I used too much bleach when I cleaned my bathroom and kitchen earlier. I can still smell the bleach and it’s hours later.

It looks like Mr Hanky the Christmas poo from South Park.

Tonight isn't a good night. I'm kicking myself for shutting down in therapy tonight, I can't bring myself to even use his footrest or sit on the couch. Ughhh.

Please be gentle with yourself, therapy is hard work.

They are going to have a hard time proving that unless they have finally discovered radio frequency emissions from that thing. It's accelerating away from the sun, which could suggest it's accelerated by solar radiation pressure. But I'm pretty sure that just has to do with the geometry of the object and doesn't prove it's a spacecraft.

On a lighter note, I love how new Gmail keeps giving me reminders to reply to my H's email from 5 days ago. Like...uh, I see him in person every day.

I found a new trigger this morning while I was dropping off my ballot: a large conglomeration of cops/police cars with lights running. They had blocked off one lane of the road for the ballot drop-off (my state does vote by mail, but you can also drop-off on election day) with motorcycles and cars and there were a bunch of cops standing around. Took me right back to that damn night. Then this Black Sabbath song came on.
And now I just feel buried under this weight and I'm crying at my desk and I want to call my therapist.

I'm not very familiar with PTSD, but has T gone through grounding techniques to help you learn how to soothe yourself? When do you next see T? Could you draft him an email and reach out?

Calling is okay if you feel really bad, flashbacks are really hard sometimes, your therapist will understand.

But it's been fiveeeeeeeeeeee days already!