Couch 181: The Symmetrical Couch

Work has me so stressed out right now. Therapy has me feeling stressed right now; I feel like he's getting impatient with me, but it's probably not true. Life in general has me really depressed. I feel like nothing is ever going to get better. Just venting.

What makes you feel T is getting impatient? You're doing your best and that is all there is at the end of the day. It takes as long as it takes.

DP I have a good cheesy movie for you on Netflix = The Holiday Calendar.

A talented photographer stuck in a dead-end job inherits an antique Advent calendar that may be predicting the future -- and pointing her toward love.

Thanks! T makes is safe, and it's taken a long time to get to this point. I just trust him absolutely not to shame or judge me. And yes it was very sweet of him to offer to do that.

Just the way our session went yesterday. I'm probably reading too much into it.

I emailed him Tuesday after I got triggered by seeing a bunch of police and then hearing a song that made me feel the loss of everything that was before very intensely. We talked about how hard it was to sit at work after that and he asked if emailing him and him responding helped. I said yes, it did. Then he asked if there were other things I could do and I guess I felt like I shouldn't have emailed him. Then later in the session, something triggered a deep sadness in me. He saw it immediately and he said he wanted to know how my mind works that I could switch so rapidly. That made me feel a little bit broken. Also, he was running a little late at the beginning of session and we started about 5 minutes late. I figured he'd give me my full 45 minutes, but he didn't. It was just little things that probably mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, but I'm just in a bad place lately, wanting to SH and having a lot of SI, so they seem bigger to me right now.

Yeah cuz when i find an unexpected surprise of chocolates in my drawers, it means im having a very very bad night :urp:

Sorry. But im laughing so hard right now old lady humor

I think your T will hold your love for him like a badge of honour and will respect how difficult it is to show feelings like that. I love reading your updates because you work so hard in therapy.

Haha.... I'm sorry, Una, but that did make me chuckle.

Una I'm honestly larfing reading this!!

You're brilliant!

The words were all there, right? Lordy, i cleared some phlegm outa my lungs!

Im so sorry, @@. It was very sweet of him. You know im jelly.

Ugh. Beavers cancelled on me today. BAD BEAVERS!

I honestly used to get angry with R for being 2 mins late and I'm not even joking. The 5 min thing would bother me too and doesn't sound small at all.
I would bring it up when I next saw him. But having rapid mood changes doesn't mean you're broken. I think it would show you have such capacity to really feel. And they can get better with time. Any T would prefer to be there for their client in a crisis. I think alternatively he wasn't saying that you shouldn't have emailed, but exploring other methods you could also use to help calm yourself down.

My boss walked in when I had a mouth full of food I was chewing and he kept asking me questions. I’m like dude..wait a minute.
It feels like those times when your in a restaurant and the waiter comes up to ask how everything is and all you could is nod because your busy stuffing your face.

I know that, but I don't feel that. I feel like I'm a PITA and he wishes I'd go away. And that's probably all coming from how depressed I feel lately. I'm really struggling with SI but I don't want to bring it up again. I'm such a broken record. I hate this.

Do you volunteer or take your child?

(((((Argo)))))

Cancelled sessions suck.

*raids the Oreo stash*

Your feelings are valid but our view can become distorted by our pain.It's not easy changing but you're doing your best. I think your T would want to know how much you're struggling right now.

Thanks for talking to me Lemoncake. I appreciate it.

It just now occurs to me that "Beavers" does sound like a children's club, like the cub scouts. In fact "Beavers" is my rude nickname for T born of a conversation on PC about all the strange and (often incorrect) statements of fact T has related. Including, "Beavers don't eat fish." I believe Stopdog may have linked a video of a beaver eating a fish? ATAT may be responsible for the nickname.

Anyway, he cancelled because he's notoriously unreliable.

Nicely put, Lemoncake.

I was wondering what the heck you meant! I think they call them girl guides in cananada. And little mounties

You know they do that on purpose!

PC has felt like one of the very few places that I've felt like I belonged- I wouldn't be where I am now if I didn't have this space.

"It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind "

Yup they want you to offer their food, I had a lot of that in primary school. My new rules: your food is mine and my food is mine.

Rainbows, Brownies and senior girl guides in the UK I think.

It looks like something I'd sign my unborn kid up for.