Struggling deeply

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Losing a T is ridiculously hard. (((gentle hugs))) Kit.

I am so sorry, DP... have been trying to think of something helpful to say since you posted this thread. I am not sure I have anything useful really, but I do have this very definitive observation and experience. Therapy relationships resemble normal, ordinary human interpersonal relations very very little, IMO. This is not what the profession usually explicitly reveals to clients, but it is the reality, IMO, no matter how I look at it. Having spent a few years on PC and also learning about therapy in my 3D world more, I personally would not be surprised if any therapist did what yours just did. Not even the most idealized, apparently most highly-regarded ones. It is a business transaction after all, and I would be surprised if any provider (T) sacrificed their own primary needs and career strategies over client needs in major ways. Honestly, I would not do that either, in my own professional bubble. I am not a T but am responsible for teams and many people's progress in my own little "empire". Still, I would always prioritize my own needs and adjust the rest "strategically" to hopefully minimize destruction and maximize my gain.

Please don't make the conclusion, again, that human beings cannot be trusted. Therapy was never meant to be a personal, close and intimate relationship, only something that apparently mimics those relationships in obscure ways. There are many many well-meaning, trustable, reliable, good human beings out there. Again, I am very sorry - if nothing else, the T should not have timed this to match the end-of-year holidays!

Its a shock. At least youre having extra sessions these two weeks, hopefully you will be able to process some of it. Feeling abandoned in the present has its roots in the past, so yes it is something you feel with your entire being, and it feels disastrous. Please don't discount your friends here at PC. Esp me - this is first time i edited my words before posting!

Thanks for all the replies.

Not trusting people was something I did long before therapy. I felt I had to trust him for therapy worked but it was never 100%. I never trust anyone that much.

As for 2x a week. I think it's only this week. Usually forbidden but I'm glad he agreed. I wish I could the remaining weeks because I cant get past this in 3 sessions.

I hate how he's already moved on. He's just dealing with us while he has to. The care is gone. I don't matter

Can you maybe reconsider it, like is not that black&white? That the T perhaps made a compromise, and you will need to make a compromise as well now? That it is not that you don't matter, nor it is fully his selfish endeavor, but somewhere in between? You probably had a fantasy to continue this endlessly and be special forever - he may have a fantasy to develop the best relationship possible with you, and then what else, he possibly wanted to move on.

I do think your t cares he was just burnt out by that clinic. See how things go... for now... just breathe and see what happens

No but that’s why there is a ethical code of conduct right? Because some are bad therapists and they don’t care so the APA has codes to protect clients and tells them that there are ethical rules when leaving or terminating and that you have to terminate gradually unless your client had threatened you or something like that

Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct

I dunno if it is a primary need to cut and run rather than make sure you fulfill the ethical obligations of your previous career. Many clients are ok with sudden end or will be ok but DP seems a kind of client that is harmed by this. He could have negotiated half time for the first month or even seen the clients who really need the proper termination process after work hours if he could arrange that

I’m not sure what APA considers “reasonable” and maybe a therapist can chime in but to me this looks like abandonment abd improper termination for DP’s case

I havent been here long but I get why people rail on therapy so much here because if this were a real doc what this guy is doing would violate the HO but it doesn’t matter in therapy

Just wanted to say I feel for you, I'm in the same boat, my last session with my psychologist is supposed to be December 20th. I've been seeing her twice a week for four and a half years....and the ending is so difficult!

Blackocean

He's said on more than one occasion I'm most "strongly Attached " and he acknowledged that I got very little support and he's my most significant relationship.

So ya. I feel cheated. I can't believe he did this so abrupt

Lizzy

Sorry. That's terrible. Why is your t leaving?

Would it help to send him an email? I know he doesn’t typically respond (at least I think you’ve said that) but I find I can articulate intense feelings much better in writing. I think he needs to know exactly how he’s made you feel. Plus, even if you don’t usually email him, I think the rules have just changed and you should feel free to express yourself any way that you need to in the next few weeks. I think you should say some of the things you’ve said here because they are legitimate reasons to feel upset.

what is a call center? like a crisis line?

I emailed to go in tomorrow. We are terrible at email communication so its better in person. I got my questions ready.

Not really. Answering phones for a company. Like telemarketers

Wow that is miserable. he must really want out of the profession. I don't understand that at all.

That’s a...highly unusual career move. Unless he’s going into managing? And I suppose therapist skills might translate into telemarketer skills.

You see him at a group practice, right? I’m wondering if he got fired.

Nope not group practice and no he didnt. He has been job hunting for a long time. I know why but i wont share that here.

Its not telemarketing. Like it in the sense of a company of people answering phones. Idk what he called it. It's like people call and he refers them to therapists if needed

DP. Correct me if I am wrong but I think I remember you saying before that you often have sessions where you chat and don't often get into 'deep' topics. Is he aware of you intense your feelings are? I mean no matter what your feelings are about this what he is doing is terrible. I just mean that I hope you are able to get across to him just how difficult this is for you and how badly you feel about it all when you meet him next.

That's true and I'm angry I focused so much on this phoney relationship. Now I'm even worse off. He played me and I fell for it....again

As for the feelings. He knows sort of. I've said some but I don't think it matters anymore. Won't change anything. So I probably wont say any more on it tomorrow

True, I have a friend who used to be an MFT but is now a lawyer. He kept his MFT license. I doubt he'll ever go back to being a therapist, but he still doesn't want to give up his license.

Sorry, I'm just catching up on this thread. But call center?! Man, he must be desperate to leave the profession.

In terms of a call center, the company I work for is health care. They have a mental health advice line - it's below the level of crisis line and is not with primary MH person. They will listen, be supportive, help navigate the various MH services available, and such. I do not know the level of training/education they have. The one I talked to seemed to have a decent level of training in terms of addressing my stresses, listening, having me felt heard, and understanding why I was looking for what I was looking for based on my therapeutic needs. I wouldn't have been surprised to find out that they were a therapist or had some level of counseling education.

DP - sorry you are going through this, it is a nightmare.

That sounds a lot like what he described to me.

For those wondering, today was a nightmare

At least I know what a phoney he really is.

Did you get any answers to your questions?

what happened?