Struggling deeply

Ya... but I know him to be dismissive of feelings quite often. So I'm not shocked. We've had several convos about similar stuff. I can't remember much about the session but I remember just crying like crazy about how I've never felt this close to anyone in my life and I just don't know what to do.... and he said "well, there is other people you can try to trust or get support from" something along those lines. It was like, umm ok?? He also refused to answer a question I had because I asked him to be honest and he said he couldn't. That hurt.

I've known they are for quite some time, sadly I was too attached to care.

I've only cried a handful of times in therapy, once he hugged me. the other time he talked very kindly to me during it.... this time, just silence... so it was weird.

It could be, who knows? Maybe I'll ask friday. I've got lots of things to ask. Since there is no real therapy gonna happen anymore in the last few sessions anyway.

Unfortunately, he is leaving the therapy field so he probably doesn't care if it's ethical, although he said he is still renewing his license, which makes no sense to me

oh man, DP, i wasn't expecting this when i opened the thread. i am so sorry.

Just want to say I’m sorry DP. Anyone would find this painful.

Hey, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Just out of curiosity, what is his new job?

So sorry to hear it, I agree, a longer notice might have been useful. It must hurt so much, but maybe eventually it will turn out to be a good thing. As long as you have posted, you have doubted if he is really good for you and also considered terminating yourself? Maybe your gut feeling has been right all along. If you are not interested in new T, maybe some support groups could offer some help? Also I don't think him changing jobs (even with short notice) doesn't mean he never cared. From what you have told, he cared a great deal.

A Siberian puppy is the only RX. I am so filled with conflict about therapy right now, that I don't want to write it here. However , a dog is always needed.

I'm so sorry DP. WTF at your T. You don't deserve this.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hope that in time you can heal from this in some way, whether it's by trusting somebody else or with different means. Although it might be not my place to suggest this (and I'm sorry if it offends you, this would not be my intention), maybe getting a second young dog while your dog is still with you is an idea to consider? Not only will a young animal require some energy and offer distraction to you, but having them together for a while would sound beneficial to both of them.

Usually you dont want to let a professional license lapse after you get it. It is far easier to keep renewing it than to restart it. Thats what i was told.

I am so sorry you are going through this DP! I didn’t expect this bombshell when I opened your thread. I honestly don’t know what to say other than that we are all here for you if you need us! Sending you hugs and lots of good thoughts—you will come out of this horrid experience!

Yes, that's true. However, in my neck of the woods, sustaining accreditation requires a minimum of 90 client hours with at least 3 clients over the year, in addition to evidence of professional development and supervision.

So sorry to hear this DP, what an awful thing to go through and not helped by his lack of thought and care. That's no notice at all, especially in your situation. Sounds like he wants out of the profession and hasn't given much thought about how to do it in an appropriate way. I'm sure he did care about you and probably still does. Most therapists are f*ed-up just like us, that's what attracts them to the profession - if they don't get decent training and proper depth therapy themselves, plus ongoing supervision, they are never going to know their own sh--t and will be more prone to acting out. Doesn't help you though, please be kind to yourself lovely xx

Makes sense except he's leaving the profession... so it seems like an excuse or waste of money to me.

My guess would be he's leaving the profession but isn't 100% certain he will remain out of the profession.

C kept his license here in VA even when he moved to AZ. Fear of commitment I guess.

Thanks for the dog suggestion. My dog is too old and doesn't enjoy other dogs anymore. I wouldn't do that too him and I'm too worn down to add another. I volunteer with dogs sometimes.

I just am paying the price for allowing myself to get close to someone, I knew it would end badly if I did. He's only proving my theory.

I knew he was looking to leave the career, we talked about it. I just didn't expect it so randomly. Especially being a T and knowing how tough holidays can be for many, he's kicking us all in the face this time of year. All because this lame new job is more important. I used to love being with him every week.... he made me feel like I mattered, like someone really cared, at times I felt loved. He made me feel happy again. Now I see I never really mattered, and he didn't care. He's easily deleting me from his life. Like the useless piece of crap I am.

I'm trying hard to delete all his emails, pics and texts. I know I need to delete him as well. I just can't believe this is happening to me. I thought he was better than this. He's been so good to me, and he knows Christmas is my hell, but why not add more fuel to my fire this year? Sigh...

*Oh and the job is at a call center*

"He's kicking us all in the face all because this lame new job is more important."

Oh hey... that sounds familiar. hugs.

...I bet $50 he loathes his new job. Call center work is ridiculous AF.

LOL when he described it, I thought the same thing. Sounds like it was impulsive, first place to offer him anything that he's applied to but much further away then he wanted to drive, but said something about how it's all there was. So he made it sound like he had no choice. So stupid.

In my experience, therapists are among the most unreliable of people. Their "people skills", which allow them to make it easy for others to feel close to them, aren't necessarily matched with real caring. So, yeah, it ends badly.

But -- they aren't all people, by a long shot. And now you know. And can avoid people like him. But not necessarily everybody.

I don't think "life lessons" like this are a part of what I signed up for in therapy. I think it really sucks.

But it is what it is. You know now what it feels like to feel close to someone -- even if they turn out to be unreliable. It's not impossible to find someone reliable who you can be close to, too. But -- when one hasn't done it yet it can seem impossible. I sure know that world. One day at a time, though, things can change.

^ therapists are still people. I've always seen him as a flawed human, and he's showed many of his flaws to me.

He's been kind, funny, compassionate, caring etc... but it's all an act. That's the problem. People can be fake, lure you in, pretend to like you, pretend to care, you never know until it's too late. So avoiding getting close is the best option.

In another note, the crisis line is such garbage. They sound so rehearsed, it's annoying. I hung up. Not in the mood for more fake people

From my experience the past few years, the loss of relationships and the grief associated with the loss has been the most difficult. I'm not sure it matters what role the person is in to us, or whether the loss is voluntary or involuntary (I primarily mean death as involuntary). I don't share the perspective that a voluntary breakup, or a person choosing to leave, means that you have to view the past differently than the day before the breakup. The relationship is the relationship before it ended, and the ending doesn't rewrite the rest of it, IMO. I also don't think that what one person does means that everybody will always do this or people always do this. Figuring out how to manage the end of a relationship without making the other person into something evil and keeping myself together has been something helpful to me. Although I don't always get the ending that I want, working towards having a better ending, one that honors the relationship and what it has meant to me, has made me feel better and stronger.

You still have some time to work on the ending, and I'd encourage you to do so, whether you want to say to him some of what you have said here, or just grieve, or find a way to move forward that benefits you and your life. You know best about what is useful for you, i'm just making a suggestion.

I remember you saying your T had loose boundaries in a lot of ways. Hearing that he's taking a call center job, I can't help but wonder if maybe he got in trouble somehow and now he HAS to quit doing therapy. Just a thought.

Good points. But. . .another option is learning (better) how to distinguish when they are being fake and luring you in and when they aren't. And "not going there" when they are like that. That's been a real struggle for me. Because I have had to feel and accept the need and the longing that let me to get lured in, and then the hurt and intense pain from when those longings were disappointed or rejected in the past.

I know why he switched careers. He's been open with me about it but its personal and I'm not posting it here. For sure not this. If he was in trouble for t stuff, he would not be renewing his license

I'm not upset he's leaving. It's good for him. I'm upset with short notice and no contact ever after all we been through. Makes the last 18 months of my life seem fake and pointless.

Honestly you can't ever really know. People change and are good at faking. Think of marriages that go decades then enf in divorce because of stuff the other person didn't know or could not handle. Anyone is capable of hurting you. That is why dogs are better than people