[DP_2017]

I didn't want to post here anymore as it was causing me to feel more tense and worrisome with my own therapy but it looks like it's all ending soon anyway.

Got a bombshell that t is leaving in just a few short weeks (before xmas) and going to a whole new career.

Since we have been super close, I thought there might be hope to keep in touch or something but he said no. Went on about ethics even though he isn't going to do therapy anymore, for some reason, is renewing his license. I can't even deal with this.

Last year I had the worst loss of my life around the holidays with my beloved dog and T helped me through it, now I'm losing him before xmas and no one to help. I feel like our whole relationship is a lie and he was only nice to me out of pity.

All I can take away from this is that it was a bad idea to trust and be close to someone, something I wont allow to happen again. I knew he seemed 'too nice' to really actually like me or care.

I'm not sure how to even go on, I've got nothing in my life anymore. Just my other dog who is almost 16 and wont be here much longer either. I WONT go to therapy with anyone else, especially after this... no way. I can't try trusting someone again, not worth it.

Only 3 sessions to go and it's goodbye forever, idk how to cope. I'm not even sure I can go to the last one. I'm just so broken. Angry I ever tried therapy in the first place.

[Lrad123]

Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry, DP. This would take quite a while for me to process. He really should have given you more notice. This is clearly about him, not you. Hugs.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry, DP. This would take quite a while for me to process. He really should have given you more notice. This is clearly about him, not you. Hugs.

Claims his new job gave him only that time, so he "had no choice" but he did, he could have fought a little harder for clients, but instead we get abandoned because new job is more important.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Claims his new job gave him only that time, so he "had no choice" but he did, he could have fought a little harder for clients, but instead we get abandoned because new job is more important.

Totally. I’ve never met the guy and I’m mad at him.

[Salmon77]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'd be really upset in those circumstances.

I guess my take is, all relationships end eventually, one way or another. Like you love your dogs and it's worth having them, even though you know the grief has to come along someday. Maybe there is a way to appreciate the good you got from your relationship with your T, despite your grief that it's ending.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'd be really upset in those circumstances.

I guess my take is, all relationships end eventually, one way or another. Like you love your dogs and it's worth having them, even though you know the grief has to come along someday. Maybe there is a way to appreciate the good you got from your relationship with your T, despite your grief that it's ending.

I'm more angry at the "fake" relationship it all was. How he lead me to believe he wanted more, and we acted like friends, and then I can't even send email updates? I'm just complete garbage to him. I was sobbing and he didn't try to comfort me or anything, like he usually would. He had no real kind words, other than there are other people out there.

[mugwort2]

I am so terribly sorry how you are feeling at this moment. Its really horrible he didn't even try to comfort you when you were sobbing in his office. Sounds like a real insensitive phony creep. Please don't believe every therapist is like him. Some are genuinely caring. My suggestion is take a break from therapy&focus on your own needs,

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by mugwort2

I am so terribly sorry how you are feeling at this moment. Its really horrible he didn't even try to comfort you when you were sobbing in his office. Sounds like a real insensitive phony creep. Please don't believe every therapist is like him. Some are genuinely caring. My suggestion is take a break from therapy&focus on your own needs,

Up until this session, heck, even on our session walk, I believed 100% he truly cared and was real about it... that's the problem, you never can know if someone is true or not until it's too late.

I am take a lifelong therapy break. I've no interest in these mind games anymore

I am so sorry DP.

What I can tell you, with 100% certainty, is that you can handle this and move past it.

Your therapist sounds very ethical, though it is awful to get such short notice that your relationship is ending. It is common for therapists not to have relationships with clients after therapy is over. It might help to read others’ postings about how personal relationships after therapy did end badly and undid much of the work done in therapy. It’s really not a good idea, but extremely painful to reconcile at the moment.

I am many months post-termination. A termination that was tremendously painful. When I went no-contact with my therapist, a part of me hoped to have a real relationship down the road. After some time and distance, that want has nearly disappeared. I don’t know her enough to miss her (not in any real way) and she wouldn’t have a place in my life now anyway.

It might help to start working with a new therapist to process the loss. Similar to you, I never had a desire to do ‘real’ therapy again. At least not yet. I think support with any major change can be crucial, and the person that helped me with my termination made some great observations that I still hold onto.

Thinking of you and wishing you a fast healing.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by PurpleMirrors

I am so sorry DP.

What I can tell you, with 100% certainty, is that you can handle this and move past it.

Your therapist sounds very ethical, though it is awful to get such short notice that your relationship is ending. It is common for therapists not to have relationships with clients after therapy is over. It might help to read others’ postings about how personal relationships after therapy did end badly and undid much of the work done in therapy. It’s really not a good idea, but extremely painful to reconcile at the moment.

I am many months post-termination. A termination that was tremendously painful. When I went no-contact with my therapist, a part of me hoped to have a real relationship down the road. After some time and distance, that want has nearly disappeared. I don’t know her enough to miss her (not in any real way) and she wouldn’t have a place in my life now anyway.

It might help to start working with a new therapist to process the loss. Similar to you, I never had a desire to do ‘real’ therapy again. At least not yet. I think support with any major change can be crucial, and the person that helped me with my termination made some great observations that I still hold onto.

Thinking of you and wishing you a fast healing.

He sadly isn't very ethical. Blurred a lot of boundaries. I've seen many posts of people being able to send email updates now and then. He even told me once that I could do that but now that he wont be having that company email anymore, I get cheated.

He isn't even gonna be a T, so i don't think the post contact is as huge a deal as he is making it

Of course I'll get it through it, with more anger and hate toward humans and more distrust of people in general. Thanks for the well wishes. Def wont be fast healing. I've got no real life support now.

Originally Posted by DP_2017

He sadly isn't very ethical. Blurred a lot of boundaries. I've seen many posts of people being able to send email updates now and then. He even told me once that I could do that but now that he wont be having that company email anymore, I get cheated.

He isn't even gonna be a T, so i don't think the post contact is as huge a deal as he is making it

Of course I'll get it through it, with more anger and hate toward humans and more distrust of people in general. Thanks for the well wishes. Def wont be fast healing. I've got no real life support now.

It sounds like he’s doing you a huge favor then.

Though I am over the roughest stages, I am still processing what I consider to be a huge therapy fail. When I have ‘bad days’ I vascillate between missing her and rage (about therapy as a whole, feeling used and manipulated and, the deterioration and mental pain I endured for years).

I still don’t have life support, but from all this mess do have a deep appreciation for how hard I worked to break free from a therapy addition and stand on my own two feet. You CAN do this, and if you need to, again another therapist can me useful to get you past the initial phases. Or to let out some anger with.

[DP_2017]

I appreciate the suggestion of a new t but it's not something I ever plan to do again. I don't trust people, I can't afford most therapists and I really don't think it's that useful based on my own experiences and stuff I've read. I'd rather not go down that mess again. I need to save some sanity

Right now I just need to cope with this big loss.... and getting through this hell of a holiday season

We (the community) are here if you need some virtual support.

Sadly there are plenty of us that have gone through this agony and can offer advice or reassurance.

[toomanycats]

Oh god, DP, I am so so sorry. I know that agony so well. I wish I had something helpful to say, but I don't - my heart just breaks for you.

[Waterloo12345]

Am so so sorry DP. That is a horrendous thing to happen to anyone but with your backgrd as you've written her it must be hell. I know it would be hell for me. Not helpful I know in how to cope, how to live, **** me the guy has made me so so angry at him. How can he do that. 3/4 weeks notice? I need that for a 1 week holiday...

[Glowworm80]

Oh DP I am so sorry to hear this news. It's absolutely terrible that your T didn't give you more notice although I know it would be very difficult no matter how much notice he gave. 3 sessions seem far too little especially considering how close you seemed to be. Also, the timing is horrendous I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

I don't find it unusual that he didn't comfort you when he was crying as I thought that's how a T is meant to behave normally. But you say he would have before normally comforted you before? Do you mean physically? Maybe his lack of any emotion or comfort indicates that he is not too happy with leaving you and also finds it hard but overall it is that he needs to do for himself or the best thing for him to do in his own life right now. I don't know obviously I'm only speculating here and could be completely wrong on it all. It doesn't mean that he doesn't or didn't care about you as a person and didn't really enjoy your time together.
It really sucks that he won't allow contact such as email updates once you are finished. The no friendship rule I do understand as besides ethics it just seems there have been so many stories of it going wrong. I only hope I get more notice than 3 sessions. I hope you do go to the last few sessions and that you will be able to get some small bit of closure from them.

[downandlonely]

I'm done with therapy too. Never found it that useful. Now I go to support groups for other people with mental illnesses and find them much more helpful. Plus they are free.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Waterloo12345

Am so so sorry DP. That is a horrendous thing to happen to anyone but with your backgrd as you've written her it must be hell. I know it would be hell for me. Not helpful I know in how to cope, how to live, **** me the guy has made me so so angry at him. How can he do that. 3/4 weeks notice? I need that for a 1 week holiday...

right? He claims his new job didn't give him a choice but I feel he could have said, I have to do part time for now, I have to close my current clients properly. So it just feels like this new job is more important.

Originally Posted by Glowworm80

Oh DP I am so sorry to hear this news. It's absolutely terrible that your T didn't give you more notice although I know it would be very difficult no matter how much notice he gave. 3 sessions seem far too little especially considering how close you seemed to be. Also, the timing is horrendous I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

I don't find it unusual that he didn't comfort you when he was crying as I thought that's how a T is meant to behave normally. But you say he would have before normally comforted you before? Do you mean physically? Maybe his lack of any emotion or comfort indicates that he is not too happy with leaving you and also finds it hard but overall it is that he needs to do for himself or the best thing for him to do in his own life right now. I don't know obviously I'm only speculating here and could be completely wrong on it all. It doesn't mean that he doesn't or didn't care about you as a person and didn't really enjoy your time together.
It really sucks that he won't allow contact such as email updates once you are finished. The no friendship rule I do understand as besides ethics it just seems there have been so many stories of it going wrong. I only hope I get more notice than 3 sessions. I hope you do go to the last few sessions and that you will be able to get some small bit of closure from them.

We hug often, usually he talks kindly when I cry, but it's so rare that there isn't much to go off. This was the only time I did and he did nothing but sat there. I even went off in anger and he said nothing.

3 sessions, only because I asked for a second one this week. Otherwise it would be 2. I want to ask for 2x a week the last few weeks because it's so hard on me but I feel that's too much and too needy. I don't even know how I'll handle the final hug... it will break me.

[blackocean]

this feels unethical? Is 2 (or 3?) weeks notice normal?

[DP_2017]

I've no idea if it is... he's always said he would do a month or 6 weeks if he left.... but then this and apparently some people wont know until next week, so I assume they are bi weekly which means its it for them

Its' frustrating because he knows that he's the most important person in my life and I don't really have people I trust, even in my own family... yet he's leaving me cold.... I go back friday, I'm bringing a list of questions, it's no holding back time now.

[blackocean]

I feel like it should be one month minimum and longer if together for a long time

2 sessions (you had to ask for a third) seems actually very unethical for a long term therapy and I think he is not caring because he is leaving therapy. because I wonder if you could bring an ethical complaint against him actually if he was leaving to practice therapy elsewhere. but if he is leaving therapy then a complaint dosn't affect him.

[here today]

So sorry. Abandonment by a T sucks.

I very much recommend a good support group, if you can find one. And there's this forum, too, which I have depended on a lot. My current support group has people in it I have learned to trust, over the last 3 years. It's not an "institutional" support group, though -- it just grew out of some people in a meetup group who knew, because we had mentioned it, that we had all struggled with depression.

But I had tried groups for years and that, combined with years of (frustrating, ineffective?) therapy, may have made it possible for me to be somewhat open and also, very important, pick up, sometimes, on how much I could trust the other people about some issues and when I couldn't and yet still kept coming back for the good parts -- which have gotten better as, I think, have I.

PM me if you like about that -- PM me if you like, too, about anything else and I will try to "be there" as best I can.

[blackocean]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I'm more angry at the "fake" relationship it all was. How he lead me to believe he wanted more, and we acted like friends, and then I can't even send email updates? I'm just complete garbage to him. I was sobbing and he didn't try to comfort me or anything, like he usually would. He had no real kind words, other than there are other people out there.

Also I think this is really mean.

[MoxieDoxie]

Let this be a lesson to all that therapists are amazing actors and they do a great job getting you to believe they really care for you so you will tell them all your darkest secrets and it is the belief that keeps you going back week after week.

OMG I am so sucked in too.

[Glowworm80]

I'm more angry at the "fake" relationship it all was. How he lead me to believe he wanted more, and we acted like friends, and then I can't even send email updates? I'm just complete garbage to him. I was sobbing and he didn't try to comfort me or anything, like he usually would. He had no real kind words, other than there are other people out there.

I see one of two things happening here. One is he was being disingenuous in his care during your time together and didn't care about you as much as you felt he did and had been putting up a front etc and, therefore, didn't comfort you in your time of pain. Another possibility is that he did care for you and has shut down his emotions about it as a way of protecting himself which comes across as cold and uncaring. I've seen this type of behaviour in romantic breakups where one person acts like an *** for whatever reason sometimes because they know what they are doing is wrong or terrible or whatever. I am not saying that is what happened as I wasn't there and I am not him so really have no idea but as an outside looking in it seems like it could be a possibility. Either way what he is doing/has done seems strange and is completely wrong IMO doesn't sound in any way ethical either.