[thalia_]

This July my therapist of 25 years died. She had been on medical leave since March, but she had told me she would be back in the Fall, and I didn't think it was life-threatening.

Then early in July my psychiatrist called to tell me she had died. Apparently she had had pancreatic cancer but still had been expected to survive (I guess it was caught very early...but not early enough). But she ended up dying of an infection.

I had been seeing another therapist for Eating Disorders and for the past five months she has taken over. She's been wonderful, but now she's retiring.

I am in horrendous grief. I'm supposed to find another therapist, but the ones I've seen - I think they're probably very good - but I feel physically nauseous after seeing them.

I don't have close friends really. Friends are hard for me, which is why I've always been overdependent on my therapist.

My life is falling apart in other ways too, but I don't really care. 3 days days after my therapist died I was fired from my job of 8 years for unrelated reasons. I didn't care at all. I wished them well.

I'm devastated by the loss of relationships which aren't even really real.

[DP_2017]

I'm so sorry. You are like the 3rd person here who had this happen this year. Very sad.

I know it's not at all the same but I'm losing mine, he is quitting therapy, and banning me from his life forever... so it feels like he's dying. I also don't have friends, I only have online friends, a friend out of state and my dog. My T was everything as far as local... and now I'm gonna be alone again.

All my best to you in trying to somehow heal from this pain. So sorry

[katydid777]

thalia, and DP 2017 I am very sorry for your loss. I realize they are two different reasons, but that doesn't stop the pain from it. I went through my T moving away in Jan. I found out 3 days before my last session with her, and that was only bc I was going to change the apt. then I was told. It took me 2 to 3 years before I felt comfortable talking to her. Then when she was gone, I couldn't see a T for over 6 months bc I was so hurt, and felt betrayed. I just wanted the two of you to know you are not alone, and here on PC, we will give you support!!!!!!!

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by thalia_

This July my therapist of 25 years died. She had been on medical leave since March, but she had told me she would be back in the Fall, and I didn't think it was life-threatening.

Then early in July my psychiatrist called to tell me she had died. Apparently she had had pancreatic cancer but still had been expected to survive (I guess it was caught very early...but not early enough). But she ended up dying of an infection.

I had been seeing another therapist for Eating Disorders and for the past five months she has taken over. She's been wonderful, but now she's retiring.

I am in horrendous grief. I'm supposed to find another therapist, but the ones I've seen - I think they're probably very good - but I feel physically nauseous after seeing them.

I don't have close friends really. Friends are hard for me, which is why I've always been overdependent on my therapist.

My life is falling apart in other ways too, but I don't really care. 3 days days after my therapist died I was fired from my job of 8 years for unrelated reasons. I didn't care at all. I wished them well.

I'm devastated by the loss of relationships which aren't even really real.

Thalia, I am so sorry. I know the pain all to well. My T of 10 years had a tragic fall and died at the beginning of July. I have friends and an amazing husband but none of them have ever been in therapy and dont really understand but they try. The only other pain I have ever felt like this is the birth of my mother. I am still in shock and cant imagine never seeing her again. About a year befor her death I started seeing an Emdr T who has become my regular T. She is a wonderful person and therapeut but she will never be T. If you ever want to talk message me.

[PurpleBlur]

Originally Posted by thalia_

This July my therapist of 25 years died. She had been on medical leave since March, but she had told me she would be back in the Fall, and I didn't think it was life-threatening.

Then early in July my psychiatrist called to tell me she had died. Apparently she had had pancreatic cancer but still had been expected to survive (I guess it was caught very early...but not early enough). But she ended up dying of an infection.

I had been seeing another therapist for Eating Disorders and for the past five months she has taken over. She's been wonderful, but now she's retiring.

I am in horrendous grief. I'm supposed to find another therapist, but the ones I've seen - I think they're probably very good - but I feel physically nauseous after seeing them.

I don't have close friends really. Friends are hard for me, which is why I've always been overdependent on my therapist.

My life is falling apart in other ways too, but I don't really care. 3 days days after my therapist died I was fired from my job of 8 years for unrelated reasons. I didn't care at all. I wished them well.

I'm devastated by the loss of relationships which aren't even really real.

The relationships are very real...thats why you are grieving her. let yourself.

[RaineD]

Thalia, I'm so sorry you lost your T. I lost mine to cancer two months ago, and I still miss him every single day. My friends aren't very helpful right now. Most have never lost anyone important, and they just don't understand. Grief can be very isolating.

I don't have any great advice. I haven't really figured out how to navigate the situation myself...

[guilloche]

(((Thalia)))

I am so so sorry for your loss, and everything you're going through.

Do you think it would help to see a therapist that knew your therapist? I'm wondering if that might give you someone to talk about the grief, and the relationship, with who can really "get it" - in terms of having know your therapist? (I don't know, it's just an idea.)

Please take care of yourself, and do what you can to take care of yourself right now.

[growlycat]

Thalia and all others hurting this time of year I am sorry for your loss.

[Albatross2008]

I'm sorry for the loss of your therapist and the impending loss of your ED counselor. This is a major shakeup in your life, and you're going to feel "off." Like any loss, you will eventually adjust to it, but you don't truly "forget it" or "get over it."

Honor your therapist by remembering what she's taught you, and continuing on the path to recovery. Blessings to you.

[seeker33]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Thalia and others who are grieving. I'm only forced to take a longer break but it's difficult. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling. My thoughts are with you.

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs!

That's hard. Sorry.

My therapist also passed away suddenly this year. I felt a pain that I had never imagined anyone could feel. It was a solitary grief as I was not given the opportunity to talk to anyone who knew her and no-one who has not has therapy could possibly understand the depth of feeling I experienced, so I didn't even try to tell anyone about the pain. Were you able to go the funeral? I know some on here were. That is very hard to have lost your job at the same time as going to work can be helpful, have you found another job? I too found it very difficult to find another T.

[Taylor27]

I'm very sorry Thalia for your loss of your therapist and now another. It's a allot to grieve for. I lost a very good day program counsellor last month she found another job. Hugs. Keeping you in my thoughts and know pc is here always for you someone is always online to listen. Hugs to everyone else for there loss too group hug

[thalia_]

Thanks to everyone who responded *so* supportively. I can't imagine where else I'd find people who understand how excruciatingly painful this is.


And I'm very sorry for the other people have gone through the same thing (and I do know - even a hiatus can be difficult).


I am lucky that one of the therapists I was referred to (and the one I'm going to continue with for now) - did know my therapist and worked in the same office, and she has even been able to explain some of the stuff that happened with my therapist's illness which I was confused about/misunderstood.


But the grief is very very intense. And it's impossible to even explain to people how huge this loss is. Actually both losses are. They're both overwhelming. My therapist who's now retiring has let me text her whenever I needed her - often several times a day (she's been saintly). And that's helped stave off he worst of the grief. So losing her is overwhelming too.


On top of it, last year I went through a severe depression that had me hospitalized for two months and having ECT. My ED therapist and I texted during that time, and that was one of many times she was literally a lifesaver. The depression is obviously much better, but it's still there - with huge mood swings through the day.


And I'm trying to find support to help me get through these losses - I go to depression support groups - but really my urgent problems right now are grief and loss and loneliness. And so they're not really the right place.

And I guess what it is - I just have to deal with the void they've left/are leaving. I can't fill it - at least not now. I just have to cope with it.

[growlycat]

I am so sorry for your loss. Did your t have a plan in place after her passing? Did her colleague inform you or offer services to talk about it? My long term t promised to have a plan in place in the event he dies. Even though he isn’t really my therapist anymore it would help me to know. I don’t know if I’d be allowed to attend services.

I can only imagine how hard this must be. I hope you are ok

[SlumberKitty]

I'm so sorry this happened to you! My T of 10 years got sick with MS and wasn't able to continue seeing clients, so I had to stop seeing her and find someone else which has been marginally helpful? possibly? It was very painful. I can't imagine how much pain you are in. Kit.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I am so sorry for your loss. Did your t have a plan in place after her passing? Did her colleague inform you or offer services to talk about it? My long term t promised to have a plan in place in the event he dies. Even though he isn’t really my therapist anymore it would help me to know. I don’t know if I’d be allowed to attend services.

I can only imagine how hard this must be. I hope you are ok

After going through this with T, I would encourage any T to make sure there is a plan in place. She had talked to her significant other about some of the basics but that was it. He was able to contact a few of her clients through email (this is how he contacted me). There were clients he didnt have contact information. He got into contact with another T in her building whi gave him lots of information on how to handle it all all. He also watched for her clients to arrive so he could tell them. He also offered to see her clients to help find future services. .if they want of course.

I was fortunate that I had Emdr T... Especially since pdoc is now out on medical leave with a brain tumor.