Should I Report My Former T?

I reported my former t because I did not want others to get hurt by him

I truly don’t think DP was trying to patronize you or imply in any way that you’re not smart. I believe she was just clarifying that she doesn’t think it’s bad to report in all cases, just that she personally would typically lean towards choosing to not report.

Oh was she? I hadn't realised that. Can you explain this point a bit more please? The subtleties of DP's post must have passed me by.

I'm still utterly flabbergasted that people here think it's some sort of criminal offense to ****ing drive on a public road. The way your therapist behaved by dropping like a hot potato is ridiculous and now that you gave more details it almost looks like an abusive relationship: one time your therapist loves you, gives you heart notes but as soon as it becomes too much for her (a situation entirely created by her it appears) and she feels it's getting out of hand boom! she's out and it's over. Really creepy behaviour on her part imo. On that basis alone, I'd think you have a case even though I don't know the rules about this in the US.

Would it make you feel better or worse or nothing? That is how I would decide.

Thank you for your opinion. I disagree that those things were not unethical. I think they inadvertently intensified my attachment to her, an issue she knew I had all along. I think it was negligence on her part. Sure, there is nothing specific in the guidelines that say drawing heart notes is wrong, but I think she acted from her emotions and was not being objective from the beginning. Even if she changed her behavior after realizing it was harming me, it still harmed me.

I'd like to try to clarify, if I can. There is no way to "make" her take that responsibility, to see what she did that was wrong, that hurt you, that misled you, etc. But the wish to see that happen -- a wish for justice -- unfortunately, in my view, does include an element of something like vengeance sometimes. Justifiable so, in my view. Even if you go by the religious teachings that we are not to take vengeance into our own hands. Still, we may feel it sometimes.

And it may conflict with other feelings -- loving somebody even if they hurt us, not wanting to hurt them because we love them, or because we believe in not hurting other people.

And that conflict can be very difficult. I know mine have been.

As others have said, what do you want to accomplish? Do you have a realistic chance of doing that? Will you be OK after filing a complaint even if the complaint is dismissed?

Thanks so much for your concern. I have thought about it lot and I beleive I have more “reason” to hope if I don’t report her. I know that I’d have to be completely and 100% okay with no chance of reconnecting with ex T if I report her. I know, without a doubt, she’d never want to see me again if I reported her. That is one of the main reasons why it would be so hard for me. I’d have to completely let go of her.

Okay, so coming from someone who just got news that the T they reported was found guilty, I’m iffy on whether or not you should report.

I want to start off my saying that I 100% believe that your T did some messed up things, especially telling you that she loved you and sending you notes with hearts. I’ve had quite a few Ts now, but none of them has ever done anything like that. That seems like a major boundary violation to me. Sure, Ts say that they enjoy working with you and they value your therapeutic relationship, that’s fine, that’s wirhin boundaries. I have even had two Ts tell me that I was one of their favorite clients that they ever worked with, and that starts pushing it, but given context (unfortunate termination due to circumstance), it was appropriate, in my eyes. But the hearts and the love? If a therapist said that to me, it would probably really mess me up. Now, I was looking through the list of all of the Ts that were disciplined in the last 10 years in NY state and the reasons why, and boundary violations came up quite frequently as a reason for discipline. The problem is, I’m not sure how those people proved it. I’m assuming they had either written proof or a recording of proof. There has to be concrete proof and not just a he said/she said type thing. If you have any of those notes saved, if you have any emails, voicemails, etc saved that show that your T crossed these boundaries/was inappropriate, then I personally think that you might have a case.

As far as the wrongful termination part. It seems like a wrongful termination ethically, but I’m not sure it can warrant disciplinary action. Ts can terminate you if they feel you crossed a personal boundary for them and because of that, they don’t feel like they can effectively work with you. I don’t remember 100% of the details of your previous posts, but did T give you a termination session and refer you elsewhere? Because if so, then she did do her job and you probably can’t get her on that one.

As far as the suicidal thoughts piece, it’s okay for a T to hear about your suicidal thoughts and not do anything about it at that moment, as long as you are not acutely actively suicidal and in danger of hurting/killing yourself or someone else. That’s the only time they have the duty to act, and you have to prove to the board that something happened to you (ie a suicide attempt) as a result of T’s negligence, and that T knew that you were a danger to yourself acutely and needed to be hospitalized. In my case, I had concrete proof in the form of voicemails T left me and I had a very serious suicide attempt. I don’t know your full story, but my interpretation of what you said is that nothing ended up happening as a result of your T ignoring this, and if that’s the case, technically she did make the right judgment call.

I know some of this you probably don’t want to hear and people can be a little harsh on here when it comes to talking about reporting Ts. I do want to re-iterate that I believe what your T did was ethically wrong and I don’t hold a high opinion for her in the slightest. She’s way too overly sensitive for this job if you driving by her house bothered her that much. I’ve heard of way worse things that clients have done to therapists and those Ts didn’t terminate. It would be different if you did it repeatedly...but one time...my god...

That all being said, I like the suggestion of several people above. I think you should write a complaint and with it see what concrete proof you have. It doesn’t mean you have to file it, just writing it might be a therapeutic exercise. Writing it might also bring out how you really feel about the situation and whether your gut tells you to actually submit it still after you’re done, or if even writing it will be too upsetting to you.

Keep in mind, you don’t have to know she’s guilty to file the complaint, that’s for the board to determine. Nothing will become public record unless she’s disciplined (at least that’s how it works in my state), but the negative thing is that it can really mess up her life for a little while and distract her from her work with other clients.

How I made the decision on whether to submit the claim or not was by examining why I’m doing it and who would benefit from it. Ultimately, I ended up doing it for both me and my validation, but mostly for all of her other patients who she could really harm with her negligence. Ask yourself, are other patients in danger of her actions? Is she fit to be a therapist? Would she benefit from re-training? Did she ever help you and what did you gain from your therapy with her, outside of the negative aspects?

It’s really a decision that only you can make, but there are a lot of things to consider. I hope this reply helps some and I wish you luck.

Therapists bad boundaries are always harmful to the client. Your ex t def had them (bad boundaries). Hanging out in your dorm was not ok. Good grief...passing you heart notes During group? Wt actual f?

Don't treat me like one either. I don't HAVE to agree or see things your way, I'm not a "women advocate"... most people who have F'd me up in my past are women, I don't see them as special in any way. People are people, some suck and some do not....both men and women.

Report him for what exactly? He did nothing wrong.... the relationship we had helped me and it made me happy.... I'm just upset that he left so suddenly and is now hiding behind ethics but its nothing bad and he's not a T anymore... so why ruin his life? Let him live and be happy. I assure you , no amount of time will change it. If no amount of time has made me want to report my mom for her ****, this surely wont....

Not EVERYTHING needs to be reported, that's kind of my point.

Why are you asking for opinions if you're dead set on your own?

I think the biggest problem is how Psychology Boards vary by each state. Some seem to take things more seriously than others for example in some states sexual misconduct is criminally illegal. In some it's not. I assume that can also apply to many complaints and the members of the Boards decisions

Have you spoken to TELL? When I reported my ex T2 they concluded that she was ethical to terminate once she had any negative feelings toward me but was not ethical in several other parts of our therapy including HOW she went about termination. S8ubmitting a complaint felt terrifying but worth it just because I knew she would receive it and maybe hear me when I said this wasn't ok.

Sorry DP! I think I wrote this wrongly and I should have addressed myself to justbreathe.
I agree that your T didn't do anything wrong, it's just a really sad situation with him leaving.