T asked for help

The thing is, I think you can see it - your posts now and in the past indicate your awareness. And many people in abusive relationships see it, too. That doesn't always make it any easier to disentangle oneself because, as you said, strong feelings are involved. There can also be other dynamics, such as learned helplessness, dependency (emotional, financial), etc. I don't know if any of those fit your situation, just saying. I am not judging you regardless of what you choose to do. And whatever the outcome of your decision, my goal will be to provide support, not to cast unnecessary and unhelpful judgements. This is a support forum, and I have found most people here do want to honor the spirit of that. Sometimes things do go off track, but many times what someone interprets as criticism isn't meant to be.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I don’t like being told what to do and the more people insist or tell me what I need to do the more I swing the other way. It’s not that I am rejecting or battling, it’s more about a frat of being controlled all of my life and if I get the slightest sense of it happening I feel triggered, angry and hopeless. I also feel like I am not being understood or people want to make their own judgements or not believe me. I see they are really trying to help.
I need help but sometimes I don’t know how to accept it without fighting it.

There can also be other dynamics, such as learned helplessness, dependency (emotional, financial), etc.



Thus I can relate too. My t always points this out how helpless I become and says it’s part of trauma. She also says I become the victim which I was very aware of feeling on here.
Thank you for helping me to see. I see that 99% of people want to help but there are a few that try add matches to the fire and that’s when I feel misunderstood and angry because they are judgemental.

As someone who has been where you are and then made the mistake of having a dual relationship, I offer this advice out of genuine concern, and with hope that it will prevent you from the agony I had to endure when I came out of the fog.

You have a history of trauma. As a trauma victim, myself, you will need to learn to make your own choices for your best interest. And I think you can.

It might be good to ask yourself what are your deepest fears if you don't help your therapist. You've talked about wanting to leave this relationship in past threads. What do you want for your future? In 5 years, what do you want your life to look at?

Myself, I got lost in the fog and the relationship. I'd give anything for all the time I gave my T back. I wish I had invested all that time into myself and my own therapy and healing. Now I find myself older, and I still need to do that work. The fog was part of my own avoidance. The real work is hard. But it does get better.

Again, I hope I make sense. I struggle with words since the TBI.

Weaver, I'm sorry you struggle so hard and trust me, I understand. I'm not able to give you any advice but I hope you'll make the right decision which will be positive for you. Please keep sharing your thoughts here. It can be therapeutic... both recieving comments of others, but also reading your own posts. It helps you organize your thoughts and look at them more objectively. At least for me it sometimes has this effect.

Pardon me for jumping in where I probably don’t belong as it's been many years since I was in therapy.

How about opening up a discussion such as

“I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I don’t mind helping you, but for my own comfort, I should probably get a different therapist. Would you be OK with that? (or What do you think of that?)”

This would be in your own words of course. This puts the ball in her court. At the very least it will open up discussion on the topic and let her know you feel some discomfort about the situation.

Well I did this thing for t. It was very weird and different and I actually came out not really liking my t very much. I found her quite selfish and annoying so maybe this is a good way of breaking my attachment to her!
Also, I wasn’t comfortable seeing some of the stuff I did on her computer

Maybe a blessing in disguise, as you say. Sorry it wasn't good.

....and let that be a lesson to all of us.

Uggghhh- hope you can work through it. Hugs.

I hope you find a healthy solution out of this. It's my opinion, but your therapist seems completely out of line and unethical, and I think you deserve better.

Thank you everyone. I realised a few home truths here. I seen things on her laptop that no client should see and it made me wonder who has seen my information.
I am going to see another t next week because I feel so angry and betrayed.