[DP_2017]

Has anyone done this? Does it help to erase memories?

I am possibly considering this type of therapy if it will help erase T from my mind. So it will feel like we never met.

At this point, I think it's the only way forward, to let him go completely....like he has done with me. I wish I was trained to not care anymore like T's are.... but I'm not so I need something else to get to that point.

Just wondering if it's worth trying, if this stuff actually works.

[toomanycats]

I have done it.
No, you do not erase memories. If anything, it brings more out.

[DP_2017]

Ugh.... that sucks

Thanks for an honest answer TMC

[zoiecat]

DP I am so sorry that you are still struggling with this. I do not think there are any ethical treatments that will ever "erase" your memories.

Although it has been slow going for me due to DID and years of trauma, EMDR seems to be a good option for you. It appears that this termination has really traumatized you. My T has always stated that it will not make you forget your trauma; you will always remember it but EMDR takes the pain out of the memories. It may be worth a try. Hopefully it could help you remember him in a realistic, positive therapeutic sense and take away the pain and longing of seeing him again some day.

[Rive1976]

Hypnosis brings up memories not erase them. If you want help with them effecting you, you need EMDR but it wont make you forget. It will make your memories more bearable. Since I have done EMDR I am rarely triggered anymore. I used to have anxiety attacks at even the mention of something sexual. I can now watch Law and Order special victims unit with no problem. Things are still triggering in therapy though but that doesnt mean it would be the case for you.

[DP_2017]

Ya I could maybe, another person suggested CBT to help too... I just want my mind to stop. I'd happily swap minds with someone else if I could.

I don't think there's anything wrong in wanting to catch up someday but I have to live as thought that may happen rather than it never will, the never is what has caused me this crazy sadness. It's completely like my dog all over again. Only this makes me feel worthless.

I really don't want therapy at all. I am not sure I will ever benefit from it and I know I NEVER want closeness with anyone again, period. So I'd run as fast as I could from anything that felt like that in the future, even with a T. Not sure why anyone would want this in their life but to each their own I guess

I'll keep debating. I just want my T. Everything else is settling and settling depresses me.

I have not tried hypnosis and doubt I am the kind of person who responds to it much but I know both professionals who use it and clients that apparently benefited. It definitely does not erase memories. I don't think there is anything healthy that would erase memories, only brain damage, dementia or some serious forms of mental illness. Especially the kinds of memories you want to get rid of. I think time is what can change it and maybe engaging in things that take your mind off, but I doubt the memories will ever vanish as long as your brain is intact. I would not wish for amnesia either - many people who have it would give anything to be cured from it, it is not a good experience.

[DP_2017]

I'm trying to stay busy. I work a lot, I have trips planned, been watching tons of movies and doing art projects but there's still always times where I'm alone with my thoughts and it comes flooding back and my sadness hits me. This is way worse than losing my dog... probably partly because with him i had about 6 months to prepare but also, I knew he was gone forever.... with T, he's just cut me out. Knowing he's chosen others over me and is happy with others, that kills me. That's where the worthlessness kicks in. I can't bear it somedays. I've cried myself to sleep often. Idk what to do. I'm lost

I had started to do hypnosis with a therapist (related to trauma) but had to quit for logistical reasons. It seemed more like meditation to me.

Speaking of mediation, I've been doing guided medications from youtube; they have been really helpful in supporting changes in my thought patterns.

Here's one possibly for you:

Her voice/tone may seem annoying at first, but the way it plays out is really cool. It seems to have a way to strengthen your mental abilities to control your thoughts and overcome things. For example, in the meditation, all the sudden your mind has the ability to redirect the sun. I think the sound and strong visualization reinforces the thought patterns because it taps into other areas of the mind that merely talking doesn't reach.

And they are free.

[DP_2017]

Thanks! I'll look into that. Better than risking therapy drama again

Here's another one. I think these are hypnotic and make you feel more empowered so may be good when you are feeling powerless. You just have to get past the awkward voice tone, which I was able to do and now don't mind. Her stuff is super helpful.

You can just google different emotions or states of mind and the words youtube and guided meditation and look at the videos. They are endless. I use them for sleep now too and fall asleep to things like this

[winterblues17]

I'm sorry you still struggling so much, I am aswell. I wish there was a way to just switch the care and sadness away but I don't think there is. keeping busy as others have said does help momentarily distract but still the sadness is always there.
As others have also said hypnosis seems to be a way of remembering more than forgetting, so I'm really not sure what the answer is to this. Time I suppose, but who knows. I feel as bad now as I did the day o said goodbye, and although it hasn't been long, the pain hasn't eased at all yet!
I have started with another T, she's nice enough, and it's a good place to talk about how hurt I am over all this but it's hasn't helped me with the longing to speak to my ex T (actually don't like saying that)

I would imagine it is also worse than losing a dog because it is a human after all with whom you interacted on a human level. I think it is very much what you have in your signature: "Grief is the price you pay for love". And grief does not usually vanish with a couple weeks or even months. The fact that you actually allow yourself to experience it and hurt is much better IMO than pushing it away or applying some artificial "pain killer". For me the only fully felt grief I allowed myself so far was about losing my father a few years ago, in fact more his long gradual decline (slowly losing the person who was not only a good father but also one of my best adult friends), his actual death was more like a relief in the end. I got into some creative rituals to process it, like looking over items that were left from him on cozy Sundays and remembering all the things he taught me, going to places I knew he would have loved to visit as well and thinking about him, writing letters to him (I never wrote real letters to him alive), talking to our old friends about him and reaching out to some people I did not even know personally but I knew they admired him, talking to my own friends about the many positive influences he had on me, etc etc. It was ongoing ~for two years after his death. I was idealizing him during that period more than ever but it helped me. I remember him in a much more realistic/objective way now and no longer feel a need for the rituals but it really helped for a while.

I think that experiencing the loss of an important person for those of us who otherwise have avoidant tendencies can be very hard, especially for the first time. But can also be part of some serious growth, integration and new beginnings. Of course it rarely feels that way when the pain is intense

[NP_Complete]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I got into some creative rituals to process it, like looking over items that were left from him on cozy Sundays and remembering all the things he taught me, going to places I knew he would have loved to visit as well and thinking about him, writing letters to him (I never wrote real letters to him alive), talking to our old friends about him and reaching out to some people I did not even know personally but I knew they admired him, talking to my own friends about the many positive influences he had on me, etc etc. It was ongoing ~for two years after his death. I was idealizing him during that period more than ever but it helped me. I remember him in a much more realistic/objective way now and no longer feel a need for the rituals but it really helped for a while.

Thank you for this. My father died a few months ago and I've been struggling with feeling like I'm not grieving enough or correctly. I know there's no "right way" but it's how I feel. I really like the idea of writing him a letter and visiting places he would have loved. I even envision sharing any letters I write with my therapist.

Sorry to hijack OP's thread.

[lesliethemad]

My sadness lessened and turned to anger for a couple of months, and now about 6 months later, i feel pretty calm and it doesn't pop in as much anymore. probably only my own toxic shame here and there over our weird dual relationship lingers more than anything. i once felt like i'd die without my therapist. now i don't even care. i never thought while i was going through the sadness that it would get better. but it did.

I watched a lot of TV as distractions. GLOW was great. and then The Haunting of Hill House was also good. dealt a lot with grief.

[susannahsays]

As others have said, you can't erase memories. I think it's great that you're looking into options to help alleviate your pain, though! As for EMDR, I've heard of people doing it by themselves without a therapist. I don't know if that method is at all legitimate, but you could look into it. And for meditation, there are many apps you could use, I believe (I find meditation very triggering due to my own issues, so I can't recommend one, but I've heard other people raving about them). I also know that lots of people find yoga helpful psychologically. You don't have to go to a class - there are plenty of videos on YouTube. I think netflix might have some, too. If you enjoy art, there are also art therapy books you could use.

My heart goes out to you, DP. I wish I could do something to help. It's hard to hear that you feel worthless and are crying yourself to sleep. I can only watch from the sidelines and cheer you on, I guess. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I'm not sure this is of any help, feel free to ignore me or tell me off if it bothers you.

I've repeatedly had instances where people in my life left. Not all for the same reasons I'm sure. Some died. Some were teenagers who changed their minds of who to be friends with. Some were people I exhausted mentally or overwhelmed. And with some the contact just stopped after a while, whether it was because of somebody not answering or nobody reaching out to the other one anymore.

Some of these things hurt more, some less. People from primary school that got lost somewhere along the way? I probably barely even remember their names. People (and pets) who died? I grieved for a while and at some point it got better. If I think back of those people and animals, I'm sad they're not here anymore. But I have nice memories of them and still love them and keep them in my heart.
People who I thought were my friends who suddenly ran away from me and started ganging up on me? Those experiences made me scared of people. They made me hide in my room and cry for months or even years.

But all these experiences had one thing in common: it got better with time. I'm pretty sure I missed my best buddy in kindergarten the first time we didn't hang out as usual, and was devastated by most other losses. But by just keeping on, it got better.

I have new friends now. I'm planning on getting a new pet. And at some point I've realized that the people who truly just hurt me did not deserve a place in my life anyways and I found better people instead.

I can't tell you what exactly your solution will be. I've never managed to forget any of my memories. Not even the most painful ones. But the pain got a lot less. With some experiences it never went away completely, but with most it got to a level where I could function normally and would think back of them once in a blue moon. I hope that you can somehow manage to get to a similar point, where maybe you realize that some of the things you went through with your T were horrible, but other things were nice. And where instead of thinking back of therapy as something that brought pain you can think back of both the joy and the pain.

[toomanycats]

I agree w/ ChickenNoodleSoup. It gets better with time.

My stepmom of 15 years who I called mom disowned me, and even that pain passed in time. More time than you might want, but it passes eventually.

[blackocean]

Have you ever watched Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind? not sure it holds up as a movie, havent seen it in awhile, but this is basically what it’s about and it’s cautionary because your memories are important to keep. Maybe give it a watch

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by blackocean

Have you ever watched Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind? not sure it holds up as a movie, havent seen it in awhile, but this is basically what it’s about and it’s cautionary because your memories are important to keep. Maybe give it a watch

Love this movie. It does illustrate how even the sad memories are important to keep.

[giggles6211]

I have tried hypnotherapy and was very much a skeptic going into it. This is my personal experience, and, as we all know, no therapy is a one shoe fits all.

Hypnotherapy was very challenging for me to get into that relaxed state; when I could relax and share without being so guarded, I remembered more. The memories tended to be deeper, and I was able to identify the good and the bad since I typically minimize things and see through unrealistic rose colored glasses. In that state, I was also able to feel more powerfully, and that's where healing came from because I was able to work through the grief cycle.

[DP_2017]

Nope I havent seen the movie but I want to. Typically my sad memories remain blocked. So normally my mind does a great job of keeping the unwanted crap at bay. Just lacking right now with T. I want to be as free of him as he is of me. (and yes his memory is **** to begin with, he probably knows who I am still but likely doesn't remember too much about me)

[Omers]

I too would suggest EMDR over hypnosis. Hypnosis did not help me at all with trauma and one therapist that used it was super inappropriate and really messed me up for a long time. EMDR doesn’t erase it but it does take the sting out of it.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Has anyone done this? Does it help to erase memories?

I am possibly considering this type of therapy if it will help erase T from my mind. So it will feel like we never met.

At this point, I think it's the only way forward, to let him go completely....like he has done with me. I wish I was trained to not care anymore like T's are.... but I'm not so I need something else to get to that point.

Just wondering if it's worth trying, if this stuff actually works.

my t does hypnosis but I'm too scared of that

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Thanks! I'll look into that. Better than risking therapy drama again

Have you considered a female therapist?