Couch 189: The Oxford Couch

I think it depends on the state though. I believe in some locations, anything acquired during the marriage (even if only one person's name is on it) is considered "marital property" in the case of divorce.

well my assessment thingy did not go as planned. they were concerned that my recent stopping of meds coinciding with my downward spiral was something out of their hands, and they wanted me to not drink for a lengthy period of time so that withdrawal wasn't a factor. i have another appt next week to see how things are going.

i bawled in my car for 10 minutes after. it wasn't what i was expecting. last time i went, i went in 3 days later. the guy did call me back and say that he went back and talked to them (they wanted me to make another appt with my doctor about the meds, and i told them it could take a long time to get an appt), and he said he got them to take that part off the table, so i may be able to get in easier. at this time the wait is a week/week and a half.

i actually did get an appt to see my psychiatrist tomorrow (shocking!), that i am going to keep, because the way i am feeling is really untenable. i took the rest of the day off work bc i just am a flippin' mess. god.

and my dad is visiting the weekend of march 16, and i just KNOW the time period they will be able to take me will be then. i cant get out of the visit either.

i feel like such an ***** because i did this all to myself for stopping my meds. i felt like a zombie on them, completely emotionally numb, but this feeling is terrible too. i don't know what to do, or how i am going to be able to work or anything.

HUGS Velcro

Hi Couchies, good morning! HUGS Kit

I opened up to a couple of friends about my recent SH and the need for stitches. I got really nice responses from both. They were both really loving, caring, supportive, etc. It makes me feel like crap in a way though because I feel like I don't deserve those responses since I did this crap to myself. On the other hand, those responses really feel like a lifeline. I know that this was sort of me saying, I'm not okay. There was probably a better way to say it than to SH. I didn't want to tell anyone in case they thought it was manipulative or something. On the other hand, my former T encouraged me to reach out to people because being alone with something makes it so much worse and so much harder. I'm feeling confused about it all really. And still embarrassed, depressed, upset with myself, and also like, why couldn't I just say I wasn't okay? But no one can really do anything with that. I wasn't suicidal. So it's like how can someone help with that? Hmm. Kit

Still had to work today at mom's but she isn't speaking to me. However she had no problem *****ing about me on the phone to her mom. I mean how many times can someone put someone else down in like 10 minutes? Seems tons. Sigh

Hugs, Velcro...Glad you see pdoc tomorrow. I wonder if your pdoc could try you on a different med, or else a lower dose of the one that made you feel numb?

Hi couchies. Hugs all around to those who want n headnods to those who don't! Thanks for being so good to me.

What inspires her to such heights this time?

We are heading home.... still talking over things...

Artie

well i was on 3, so who knows.im just so mad bc i did this to myself, and just don't know how i am going to continue being normal and working and stuff.

My therapist wants me to talk about something today. I had some issues while he was on his last vacation with feeling suicidal. He knows I found the break hard but I didn't elaborate on why. In a moment of weakness, I told him that I wanted to share with him why it was so hard (this was Sunday) and in that moment, I did want to tell him. He told me to write it down if I needed to and we'd do whatever was needed to make talking about it easier. I did write it down on Monday before our session but it feels so cringe-worthy when I read it back. In session, we ended up spending the whole session on another item that I had told him I wanted to talk about and it was a good talk. At the end, he said we should talk about the other thing at our next session, which is about 2 hours from now. I feel so uncomfortable talking about this. I can't give him what I wrote because it's terrible. I thought about rewriting it, but I don't know. I feel like it's not that important to even talk about, but I know he's going to attempt to talk me into talking and I usually cave when that happens. I feel so uncomfortable talking about this and I'm dreading going in there with the expectation of talking about this. I know I don't have to tell him, but maybe me thinking it's not important to talk about is just a defense mechanism. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of being me.

Although difficult, I think you should talk to your T about how you felt NP_Complete. You can do this! It might really help to get it out in the open. HUGS Kit

Whatever happens, I am glad I was honest with h and got everything out in the open. There is a certain freedom in that.

@NP_Complete , I agree with slumber kitty. It SEEMS like its about the t, but it ends up NOT being. Thats why thry sre always so eager to talk about it. They know they are just a symbol. I asked my t the same embarrassing question every time he went on vacation - "are you gonna stop by my apartment on your way home from the airport?" - and every time i worked thru it a little further. But it was hell every time!!! 🤯 tell me your thing is worse than that!

I know that most of my animosity towards Madame T is really about my mother. But T has deliberately taken those feelings onto herself, so it serves her right.

Oh my gosh, I want to lay under my desk at work where the space heater is and just curl up and take a nap. That would be divine. Except I have no pillow. And it's against company policy to sleep on the job. Darn. Kit

On the positive side, the anxiety medications I took are kicking in. Hugs Kit

H didn't buy a car! It looks like he won't buy any car which is actually a good thing (because we owe $30k on the Tesla, buying almost any car will either add onto the debt or simply break even).

As far as debt, yeah I'm screwed. I have 3 credit cards, all maxed out. One is maxed out because of all of his hospital visits. I also owe for 2 of my own hospital visits. I co-signed on the Tesla, so that is another debt for me. And in order to get solar for our house, I had to put the loan in my name because I had good credit. That's $33k. My credit is crap now because of all the debt and because H kept forgetting to pay my credit cards. However, I have taken over paying bills, so hopefully I can keep better tabs on our spending.

what do you do when you feel like you're in a living he11. i have tried distracting today with watching movies, but i keep crying on and off. i don't even like my psychiatrist that much, and i feel desperate to see him tomorrow morning. this is all so stupid bc its my own stupid effing fault. and now itll be weeks before i can go to the IP place, and i have to somehow get it together and be able to work.

Sadly my ultrasound wasn't good, I have to have the surgery still. here's to 6 weeks of hell ahead

The Mars Rover is dead.

Its last words were “my battery is low and it’s getting dark.”

I'm just wondering if anyone with social anxiety has as much difficulty at work as I do? It kind of borders on paranoia and it is exhausting. My T told me to play a game to distract myself from my thoughts, like Tetris, at work, so I will try that. It is really draining to constantly feel like I need to hide away so I can make it through the day.


I feel more relaxed about my attachment with T, I don't feel a major intensity that made me sometimes feel out of control.

Velcro—I’m concerned that you’ve put all your chips on the IP place and you’ve convinced yourself it’s the only solution. Surely there’s something else you can do while waiting? Maybe your psychiatrist will have some ideas, or your therapist. Maybe you can see her more often?