Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX

You asked me if I regretted the way things ended with my best friends. It was painful but I can honestly say no I don't. This, whatever this is between us - is starting to feel the same for me.

Yeah, the call from the office secretary about you canceling tomorrow's appointment was not the phone call I needed this morning.

Why can’t all our sessions be as good as today’s was? Except the parts where you nodded off...but when you were with me, you were with me.

Dear T: don't leave. Kit

My social anxiety is excruciating and people think I am just faking it or something? The admin at work told me I was ruining the flow of things. Why do the only people that think I am okay -- are the ones who understand me. People at work, I don't know what they think. I want to go out on disability. I don't have a choice. Nothing I can do with what I"ve been given. I've not chose this path. I am not respectable, most people DON"T get me. I try so hard and it's all for naught. I wish I was a normal, respectable person. But I'm not. I am going to take an Ativan.

I am not sure how much more of this [therapy] I can take. You did nothing wrong today. I just can't handle it anymore. I give.

Existential perplexity. Will I work my way through it ? You seem to have , so maybe I can , with your support. I wish it wasn't so difficult though.

My r*pist messaged me again. How can I heal when I know that I’m still on his mind... the world doesn’t feel safe

well i think i might keep on going. for a while there i was tired and lost on the mountain, but i have looked back and saw how far i had come and the old me would have said well lets see whats on the other side. so in the spirit of the old me i will keep on going and forge a new path.

Let’s stop this game. I’m crying uncle. Please put me out of my misery.

I hope I can see you tomorrow

I really need to tell you this. It is killing me withholding it from you. I also know it is a deal breaker so do I tell you and know that will end therapy but I’ll feel better for having told you, or do I not tell you and let it eat away at me??

I'd like to explain, but I don't know how to. When I try to explain, people want to fix, and I don't need fixing...I'd just like to be witnessed.

I sent an email on Thursday- it's 7pm on tuesday now....

It's the constant checking I hate the most.

P.s Saw stupid boy 1 today.He is in the same selected core elective as me, which only lasts 6 weeks.

I wish this were easier. I don't know how to get past this feeling that we are just two strangers. I wish I could stop dissociating in session. I keep thinking I'm beyond that, and then I prove myself wrong.

It's frustrating. I think you try to help as best you can. I just don't know how to be more receptive to the help.

Dear T,
I miss you... not the current you, but the old one.
The old you that I could afford to see. The old you that was not mean to me. The old one that I could trust and turn to in bad times.
Now I'm in a bad place and have no one to talk to. You are too far (emotionaly)

Hey T: A little sad that I didn't get to see you tonight bc I am not leaving until tomorrow. Now I have to wait a whole week.

E: I'm going to be really sad that tomorrow will be our last session together. I've really liked working with you.

I wish I could trust you with this information. But I can’t.

I hope you felt ****** and bad after today's session. I hope even if you don't understand what you should have been saying/doing, you could at least tell you were failing miserably and did not feel good about how that went when I left.
You have an entire week to think about it.
And I have an entire week to sabotage myself as some kind of stupid tantrum because I feel hurt and bitter
Next time you can tell you keep swinging and missing maybe consider asking me what I want/need from you instead. Y'know, communication. You're supposed to be good at that stuff.

I'm back 2 hating u

Please be in today. Please don't cancel. Please?

Dear T,

I'm going to try looking for a new therapist today. In the past I had a lot of trouble finding one but this just isn't working, it hasn't been for a while.

-Butterfly

A T should NEVER be angry at a client. There is something wrong there.

We're doing what we need to be doing, T. Love you.