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  #776  
Old Apr 09, 2019, 06:40 PM
Anonymous43207
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I hated arguing with L.
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  #777  
Old Apr 09, 2019, 06:43 PM
Anonymous52333
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I wish I would have just told you what I really wanted last night. I wonder if you'd have given it?
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  #778  
Old Apr 09, 2019, 08:16 PM
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velcro003 velcro003 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2008
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I feel like a waste of space, T, and a waste of an hour tonight. You asked what you could do to help. Nothing will help me I feel. I feel bad even wasting your time.
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  #779  
Old Apr 09, 2019, 08:56 PM
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nottrustin nottrustin is offline
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It was a great session tonight. I feel a little bad that we did minimal actual therapy. However as you said I really dodnt want to stir everything up since you are on vacation next week. I find it weird that you felt the need to explain taking 2 weeks vacation in 3 weeks. The last few weeks you have revealed quite a bit of personal stuff. I like that you are real and show your own vulnerabilities but I fear knowing you to much and getting hurt again. You are awesome though.
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  #780  
Old Apr 09, 2019, 10:00 PM
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LabRat27 LabRat27 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2018
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I was fine for the first hour after
But then I started thinking about it

when I said "don't" and told you not to say those words, I really meant it. This was the first time I was even able to use them with you, even in writing. Hearing you repeat them felt unbearable.

I can't even feel good about anything else you said today because then I remember this part and feel sick
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  #781  
Old Apr 09, 2019, 10:01 PM
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Omers Omers is offline
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T, I was so happy and excited all day. I am going to have you AND Pdoc... but my joy set my son off and now I am down again. I keep thinking about the hug and how it made me feel. I also keep hearing you tell me “you are really good at disassociation”. Is it Monday yet.
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There’s been many a crooked path
that has landed me here
Tired, broken and wearing rags
Wild eyed with fear
-Blackmoores Night
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  #782  
Old Apr 10, 2019, 10:39 AM
Echos Myron redux Echos Myron redux is offline
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Nice sesh dude.
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  #783  
Old Apr 10, 2019, 02:04 PM
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Lemoncake Lemoncake is offline
Roses are falling.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemoncake View Post
15 days, 12 hours, 7 minutes and 8 seconds...
Day 5 and I'm actually doing okay! Just tired though.

14 days, 13 hours, 28 minutes and 22 seconds.
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  #784  
Old Apr 10, 2019, 03:20 PM
Anonymous56387
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Dear T,

When I feel your presence, it calms me down. Thank you.

--EG
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  #785  
Old Apr 10, 2019, 03:25 PM
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Omers Omers is offline
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T, thanks for replying even though your reply doesn’t feel right. I think I am just misreading it because I wanted a different answer. Something shifted when you were away for a week. The hug last session sent the emotions right over the top. I’m sad I don’t know how to connect with you and how to be present with you. I am sad and frustrated I have to wait so long between chances to try again. I bounce from dissociative to hyper vigilant without any rest in between. I want to be in that in between space, that balance spot. I am feeling let down by your reply and angry at myself for feeling let down... but it is all a big circle.
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There’s been many a crooked path
that has landed me here
Tired, broken and wearing rags
Wild eyed with fear
-Blackmoores Night
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  #786  
Old Apr 10, 2019, 03:32 PM
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LabRat27 LabRat27 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2018
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How does it make you feel?
Not your thoughts about it. Not your reaction to how I feel about it.
What is your initial personal emotional reaction to the concept itself, before your therapist brain kicks in?
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  #787  
Old Apr 10, 2019, 04:35 PM
Echos Myron redux Echos Myron redux is offline
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Oh and your hair is getting long again. You look like Philip Pullman. And I know you will have cut it by the next time I see you. You always do.
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  #788  
Old Apr 10, 2019, 06:15 PM
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susannahsays susannahsays is offline
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I almost walked out of the session today. You weren't very nice to me there in the beginning.
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Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face.
-David Gerrold
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  #789  
Old Apr 10, 2019, 09:14 PM
Elio Elio is offline
...............
 
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ok, how do I even talk about this splitting that is going on, you know about, I know about it - I can't seem to reconcile it and I'm too embarrassed that it has/is happening.

Why do I have to be so messed up at such a young age? And why can't you just be mommy, letting me live there for a while?

What will you think if I actually do bring in that chair? Can I trust you if I bring it in? I hate this.
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  #790  
Old Apr 10, 2019, 09:19 PM
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susannahsays susannahsays is offline
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Did you move your chair???
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  #791  
Old Apr 10, 2019, 10:00 PM
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DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
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I bet as much as you love snow, you are *****ing about this blizzard. I wish i could text and complain about it with you, like we used to God I miss texts from you. I don't get that happy feeling anymore when I get a text alert.

I miss you like crazy still.
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  #792  
Old Apr 11, 2019, 03:04 AM
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junkDNA junkDNA is offline
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Location: the woods
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remember when I texted you "I'm all growed up" and you texted back that that gave u chills s
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  #793  
Old Apr 11, 2019, 11:17 AM
Echos Myron redux Echos Myron redux is offline
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I'm in love with you again this week. Sigh.
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  #794  
Old Apr 11, 2019, 12:33 PM
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Lemoncake Lemoncake is offline
Roses are falling.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Seattle.
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Day 6

Week 1 is nearly over. I went 30 mins into my normal session time without even realizing it.

I did gym and I was mainly happy today, just stupidly tired.

Possible trigger:


13 days, 14 hours, 58 minutes and 51 seconds...
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Last edited by Lemoncake; Apr 11, 2019 at 02:20 PM.
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  #795  
Old Apr 11, 2019, 01:47 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Dear T,
I totally peeked a couple times to make sure you didn't have your eyes open during the 3-minute meditation/breathing thing. And you didn't. Wonder if you checked, too? (Probably not, if you do this daily, like you said.)
Love,
LT
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  #796  
Old Apr 11, 2019, 04:57 PM
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Omers Omers is offline
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T, I hate my brain right now. If I am brave I am going to have a lot to talk about Monday and maybe some strange requests. I want to have you call me and leave me a message telling me you won’t hurt me but I don’t know when you are leaving for the weekend... and honestly, I don’t know how a I would respond to it. Hopefully I will have a new project to show you.
__________________
There’s been many a crooked path
that has landed me here
Tired, broken and wearing rags
Wild eyed with fear
-Blackmoores Night
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DP_2017
  #797  
Old Apr 11, 2019, 04:59 PM
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DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
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Baby T

Ugh stupid winter ruining everything. At least I still can go tomorrow. Hopefully I'm able to get in and read the letter right away instead of wasting time and not getting around to it.
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Grief is the price you pay for love.
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  #798  
Old Apr 11, 2019, 06:41 PM
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SummerTime12 SummerTime12 is offline
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You’re really messing with my head Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX
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  #799  
Old Apr 11, 2019, 06:55 PM
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piggy momma piggy momma is offline
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Location: Canada
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It’s Thursday and I haven’t emailed or texted you yet this week. I guess it’s been a quiet week. I’ll see what I can drum up over the weekend for you
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  #800  
Old Apr 11, 2019, 07:13 PM
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nottrustin nottrustin is offline
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T I am really missing you. Today all of a sudden I thought about you and a huge rush of sadness came over me about all the things on life you are not here for. Then my daughter was contacted by my brothers family. You are the only person who truly understands how hard cutting him out of our life has been. He is so toxic for me but has beautiful children. Plus the signs of your presence has stopped.
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Last edited by nottrustin; Apr 11, 2019 at 08:08 PM.
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