What seemingly random things will your T not disclose?

nottrustin · Jun 24, 2019, 10:14 AM

Based upon a couple of conversations I have had with EMDR T the last couple of weeks, I wonder if it MIGHT have something to do with how the conversation is going and not necessarily that he is hiding the information.

On occasion she and I will be talking and she will tell me something and then realize what she said. Then she will say she dint know why she told me that. On example was Qe were talking about me being unable to sleep the night before. I told her I wasnt sure if I took my meds and was afraid to take them. She told me that happened to her the week before and she ended up taking 2 doses of her birth control and the side effects.

She has never refused to answer questions but I cant imagine me asking anything more personal than that. However, I could see her realizing I am trying to avoid a discussion by asking her questions so her not wanting to answer.

Jun 24, 2019, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Just remember the relationship you have with your therapist is NOT like that of others. They are not even an acquaintance. Please keep this in mind. It is not for them to develop a personal connection with you. Professionally, they are required to remain uninvolved. So don't expect to know anything personal about them. Please don't put them in the difficult position by expecting such or asking. Please. Please respect their job and professionalism. If they feel it appropriate then and only then will they divulge things about themselves.

About the only thing personal I know about my psychiatrist is that he has a young adult son who is headstrong and lacking in responsibility. It was worded simply as, 'If only he had a little of the motivation your son has' and we left it at that. It was more of a positive comment on my life than telling me about his own. The closest to having a personal relationship is that he has a painting of mine on his wall - and this he purchased.

The only thing I know about my therapist is that she practises an earth based approach to her spirituality. We have not discussed this but I know this based on objects I recognise as such placed about her room. I doubt most people would. The closest I have gotten personal with her is that I brought an eagle feather for inclusion amongst these objects in her office. I made it clear it was not a gift to her but to her other clients.

I know there will be many who disagree with me. But that line we do not cross of professionalism must start somewhere. For me it is strict. Others though may find it a softer line with some grey area. Regardless though, it is up to your mental healthcare professional to make that line clear about what they divulge and what they absolutely won't. It is your job to respect that. If they wish you to know anything they will tell you but it is your job to respect their professionalism, and not ask. We shouldn't no matter how much we might wish to, jeopardize their job.

I agree with the majority of what you wrote. Regarding this last sentence, I don't think the client has any wish to jeopardize the therapist's job. Even if there was such a wish or the client for some reason desperately desires the answer to a question, it is on the therapist to explain why it shouldn't be answered. Therefore, the therapist's job is not in jeopardy.

BudFox · Jun 24, 2019, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Just remember the relationship you have with your therapist is NOT like that of others. They are not even an acquaintance. Please keep this in mind. It is not for them to develop a personal connection with you. Professionally, they are required to remain uninvolved. So don't expect to know anything personal about them. Please don't put them in the difficult position by expecting such or asking. Please. Please respect their job and professionalism. If they feel it appropriate then and only then will they divulge things about themselves.

So the idea is that people with relationship problems should put their trust in a mechanical relationship devoid of personal connection with someone who reveals as little as possible and who answers to no one? What could possibly go wrong...

I'd say the client is in the difficult position in this scenario.

Echos Myron redux · Jun 24, 2019, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wishfulthinker66

just remember the relationship you have with your therapist is not like that of others. They are not even an acquaintance. Please keep this in mind. It is not for them to develop a personal connection with you. Professionally, they are required to remain uninvolved. So don't expect to know anything personal about them. Please don't put them in the difficult position by expecting such or asking. Please. Please respect their job and professionalism. If they feel it appropriate then and only then will they divulge things about themselves.

About the only thing personal i know about my psychiatrist is that he has a young adult son who is headstrong and lacking in responsibility. It was worded simply as, 'if only he had a little of the motivation your son has' and we left it at that. It was more of a positive comment on my life than telling me about his own. The closest to having a personal relationship is that he has a painting of mine on his wall - and this he purchased.

The only thing i know about my therapist is that she practises an earth based approach to her spirituality. We have not discussed this but i know this based on objects i recognise as such placed about her room. I doubt most people would. The closest i have gotten personal with her is that i brought an eagle feather for inclusion amongst these objects in her office. I made it clear it was not a gift to her but to her other clients.

I know there will be many who disagree with me. But that line we do not cross of professionalism must start somewhere. For me it is strict. Others though may find it a softer line with some grey area. Regardless though, it is up to your mental healthcare professional to make that line clear about what they divulge and what they absolutely won't. It is your job to respect that. If they wish you to know anything they will tell you but it is your job to respect their professionalism, and not ask. We shouldn't no matter how much we might wish to, jeopardize their job.

🙄🙄🙄🙄.........

stopdog · Jun 24, 2019, 07:16 PM

Clients get to ask whatever they want. A therapist's job is not jeopardized by a client asking a question. The therapist, like the client, may decide to decline to answer any question - but the asking is not wrong.

NP_Complete · Jun 24, 2019, 08:06 PM

I most definitely have a personal connection with my therapist. It has limits, but it's still there and it's real, and I don't believe it's one sided as he's said I affect him as well. He's also said that even though it is a different relationship, it's not less than other relationships. I don't think I could do the work we do together without a personal connection.

LonesomeTonight · Jun 24, 2019, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Clients get to ask whatever they want. A therapist's job is not jeopardized by a client asking a question. The therapist, like the client, may decide to decline to answer any question - but the asking is not wrong.

Yes, I agree with this. It's up to the therapist to decide on and hold the boundaries about what they will and will not disclose. The client should be able to ask pretty much anything, and it's up to the T to decide if they want to answer or not and how much information to give. Like if a client asks if a T has kids, the answers could range from "I prefer not to answer" to "yes" to "Yes, I have 2" to "Yes, I have 2, they're ages 8 and 10" to "Yes, I have 2, Timmy is 8 and Katie is 10" (I picked those names randomly). And to potentially give more info about them, as my ex-MC did (by choosing to disclose on his own throughout sessions, not in response to my asking).

My T said he had a son, and I asked his age. He told me his age then pointed to his picture on his desk. As far as other questions, he's said he wants to protect his privacy, and I've respected that and not asked any more. (It's sort of complicated by the fact that my ex-T told me something fairly major about current T's son before I started seeing him, which is something in common with my daughter. I eventually told T what she said, and he didn't dispute it at the time I shared it, but then it sort of became an issue later on when I brought it up and he said she may not have had accurate information. But that's an entirely different story...)

InnerPeace111 · Jun 24, 2019, 10:32 PM

I am a little different in regard to this matter. I will not ask my T personal questions as I would never want to find myself in a discussion about why it’s important for me to know this or that about her. I imagine that would make me feel awkward and uncomfortable for the most part. Instead, I just let my T disclose to me whatever information she chooses to and whenever she chooses to do so. I find it keeps my therapy neat and clean. I enjoy that part of my therapy. And I learn little things about my T here and there. That is absolutely priceless to me.

Jun 25, 2019, 03:58 AM

I've never really thought about asking personal questions to my therapist. The session goes by so quickly, and I have so many issues that need to be addressed. Sometimes he does disclose something personal, but I hardly notice because of being pressed for time.

BudFox · Jun 25, 2019, 08:35 PM

It's in the therapist's best interests to not reveal much, personally or professionally, because it keeps them out of trouble and keeps the client guessing.

But the more opaque the therapist, the less basis there is for trust. And that burden is 100% on the client.

The client is expected to trust a stranger, and surrender control to an all-knowing parental or god-like figure who dribbles out a few disclosures here and there..

Seems to me the question about pets isn't just about pets, it's about figuring out who you are dealing with based on the way the conversation goes.

velcro003 · Jun 25, 2019, 08:51 PM

I'm not one to ask personal questions of people in general, and definitely not of my T. But my T is not opaque, she is quite transparent and she has divulged a number of personal stuff over the years. Nothing outrageous, and always in line with whatever I am talking about at the time, but she doesn't seem to be afraid to share some of her personal self.

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What seemingly random things will your T not disclose?

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