what is wrong with me

T says harmless thing, a true thing and i fall apart.

my heart feels heavy... so very heavy.

i want to cry.. but i dont.

not in crisis but very sad

he doesn't want to hurt me.. i know that. He was so perfect otherwise today.. very gentle, soft spoken... if he does that then i respond, otherwise i lock myself up and i get very resistent. But he was exactly as i have asked. He can't help me... i am seeing that. He is doing exactly what i asked for and i still feel such a longing for gentleness... even though i am getting it.

i am hopeless.

Hi Fluff - I know it is OK to fall apart - especially in the precense of your T. I know therapy is a real battle for me. My sessions used to be on a Friday, and then I would spend all weekend with a "therapy hangover" picking me apart. I think there is nothing wrong with your longing for gentleness - a sign that you want to take care of you in a kind and loving way - nothing wrong with that at all. Maybe you can talk with T and tell him what happened with you after your session - and then maybe he can better help you. You aren't hopeless - nobody is. We are all here for a reason - and I am glad you are here. Hang in there - you aren't alone.

Sometimes it feels like no matter what they do is never enough. Just try to appreciate the gentleness you DID receive. and know that it shows he does care. talk to him about your feelings. you might surprise yourself and actually feel satisfied!!

We are more vulnerable and more sensitive in these relationships than we normally are. Whatever it was that he said that lead to you falling apart must have some significance. Reactions like that in therapy are very important. If you can talk about it and figure out what it was, that could turn into a huge step forward. Nothing wrong with you though, that's part of what therapy does. Sometimes it hurts though, doesn't it? But it will feel better if you process it and understand it.

(((((Fluffy)))))))))
I wish I could take all of your pain away