Understanding therapy - help greatly appreciated.

I started therapy 7 weeks ago. Before it began I did some reading so as to have a better notion of what to expect, as previous reading had been purely theoretical.

On the first day I asked my therapist to explain how it worked. She kind of evaded the question.

The more sessions I have the more mystified I become as to how it works and how it could be of benefit. I have re-read old stuff and found new material, I have picked the brains of a friend who knows a lot about therapy ..... and drawn a blank. The threads in this forum might as well be written in another language for all I can relate to them. I can grasp how therapy can work for those with past trauma, or with phobias and the like, but for other things it seems to make as much sense as phrenology (actually, it makes less sense).

Can somebody please explain how it works? I find it easy enough to talk about things, but fail to see how doing so could possibly help. If I could just understand, then maybe I could believe in it.

It depends what you are seeking.
What are your goals?
What do YOU want out of therapy.
You can only expect results from something you can define as a problem.

vulnerome, I agree with stormy, the answers you are looking for depend quite a bit on what you are looking for in therapy. Why are you there? What do you need help with?

I wonder if your therapist appeared not to want to answer your question about "how therapy works" because she too doesn't know your goals yet. You might tell her that you felt she didn't want to answer your question and explore that. Maybe you can get more clarity.

My current T (my second) likes to call himself a healer, rather than a therapist. That fits with what I am looking for. He says only I know what I need to heal, and we explore that together. I lead where I need to go, and he comes along on my journey. It is so great to have a knowledgable and caring companion who sticks to me like glue as I tramp through the maze of paths in my forest. What has been very healing for me is our relationship.

What kind of therapy?

To feel better is a goal. It doesn't have to be any more specific than that, depending on the type of therapy you are doing.

Behavioral therapies have goals to change behavior by changing your thought processes and often include 'homework', for example.

Other therapies examine, explore, and anaylze your life and relate what's happening now to early developmental relationships. The sessions are spontaneous and you talk about whatever comes up and the therapist listens with a trained ear to hear the connections and associations in the things you talk about; then you talk about those associations.

Some therapies are about 'doing' and others are about 'being'.

Talking to her again about how you feel that she avoided answering the question might be a good place to start.

Therapy is not for everyone nor does it go the same for everyone. Your therapist is the only one that can help answer how the relationship between you and her is "supposed" to work; if you aren't getting satisfaction or understanding from her, you shouldn't be giving her your money.

Well I tried again to get her to explain it today, and she couldn't, or rather what she said did not stand up to argument. She did say she was a psychodynamic therapist and explained what that meant. And then it all went a bit wrong and I ended up quitting.

Since then my boyfriend went a bit nuts and forced me to go back for 6 months.

As to what I want to gain.... I guess I want to get better at living life and to feel ok most of the time. I went to therapy because my psychiatrist suggested it and because that is what people do when they are struggling with things in their life.

I just don't know. And whilst the thought of losing my boyfriend is making me consider sticking with it, he has so torn my confidence today that I don't know whether I can.

So, back on the drink and generally gah.

Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies.

I'm so sorry, vulnerome, that you're struggling with this. But it sounds like you're only in therapy to please your boyfriend and that can never work. Therapy is for you, personally, and if you are not getting anything out of it it is a waste of time and money for you?

I'm hearing "get better at living life and to feel ok most of the time" as a pretty clear goal. If you don't feel that way, it's something you'd certainly want.

For me, if a therapist can't explain how they can help me, I'd lose them. There are lots of bad therapists out there (I met one recently). If you don't like this lady for any reason, shop for a new one. Therapists are like any other consumer service, you can start, stop, comparison shop, etc.

I like cognitive therapists and I think you might too. I say that because you seem to want clear structure, goals, etc.

Cyran0

Yeah, CBT sounds interesting. Really what I want is advice on how to do stuff and CBT seems the best geared towards that.

www.guidetopsycholoby.com Here's an interesting site that might be helpful to you.

I would encourage you to stay with your therapist for a while and see how it goes.

What happened that made you feel like quitting?

you sound a bit like me - you want answers that are a bit more scientific and concrete, but i'm not sure you'll get that from a psychodynamic therapist.

CBT is more structured, and has clear goals and time frames. It is also more clear on how it is supposed to work and you are told what your part in it is. I think DBT might also be a more practical here and now therapy. Lots of psychiatrists like CBT because there have been many RCTs showing it's efficacy.

A question I ask therapists is probably similar to you: show me the randomised control trials that show their type of therapy is beneficial for MY particular problems.
I want a timeframe for when I will be able to know if it is beneficial and worth continuing, and I don't accept some vague answer.
I also want some objective evidence/assessment to measure if I've improved - not some vague I think I might be a bit better
I also want them to give me a clear management plan - there should be a purpose and pre-defined goals for every session if I'm going to bother spending my money on it.
i also want to know how what we're doing in session is either part of the treatment plan or how it will change the management plan.
This is a rather medical model of things but it is what I feel comfortable with and I don't think it is unreasonable but many therapists are uncomfortable with them - I also do my own research and find journal articles and ask about them, but I never seem to get satisfactory answers. I remember I read an article contradicting what my t told me, her reply was I haven't read that study - not exactly convincing.

That's it exactly Smiley. Those questions should come in useful.

Many thanks to all.

Id make the same recommendations as Smiley. My first contact with therapy (when i knew nothing about it) was with what i now know to be a psychodynamic therapist, who wouldnt answer any questions about therapy or anything really, except that whenever i said i didnt think it was helping so i thought it would be better for me to leave iwas either told i was tyriing to guilt trip her or that i was 'fleeing' therapy, whihc just made me feel cowardly and weak. As a result i wasted a year on a therapy that was actively detrimental to me, let alone helpful.it does sound like you are expecing therapy to me more in line wiht CBT type approach so if i were you i wouldnt definitely try to get that.

I too wanted to Understand therapy when I first started. My T works analically also and would only smile when I asked her. She did mention once that the way it works in becoming a T one must have undergone their own analyst. This really explains it all for me, since I've now been with her for 3yrs I know how it works, I am listened to, my feelings are reflected back to me in a way I get to understand them, I am finally cherished by someone and heard, I internalise my T's good enought ways and get to replace the not good enought tape in my head, it takes time to take in this experience, its not something someone can just get. LIfe is all about a life time of change, we change each time we meet someone in life.

That's interesting about the guilt-trip. Mine said something about being "dumped" in a sad voice. Obviously they are human too and i must be hard to be rejected but I thought it was odd. Before I left I moved to shake hands with her, but she wasn't moving so I said "er, do we shake hands?" and she goes "we can shake hands if you like".

Anyhow, being forced to go back to her - apparently I am to beg if she refuses to take me. Fun times!