Anger Management

T is working with me on my anger issues, among the other stuff we are doing. On Friday, he had me do some biofeedback and we talked about me doing breathing twice a day for 10 min.

Well, I failed again yesterday when I got frustrated with my son when we were trying to have our pictures taken, so we ended up having to leave. Then on the way out of the store, a woman talking on her cell plowed into my son. We traded some comments to which I ended up raging at her. I wasn't really mad at her I was frustrated with the whole picture taking debacle.

I just feel awful, almost two years in therapy, several meds, and I still don't get it. My husband tried to make me feel better by saying '95% of the time you are fine, it's the 5%'. Oh and then we can add PMS to the mix too which is probably what put me over the top.

However, I can see myself trying to explain that to a judge one day...gee your honor the PMS made me do it. Because I am afraid I will end up in a fight one of these days.

I've had these issues my whole life and for the most part, I am tons better than I used to be. What does that matter though if I can't control myself???

What else can be done at this point? How else can I deal with this anger? Before it is too late...

But Almeda, that is wonderful news! Two years ago you wouldn't have made that connection between the idiot on the cell phone and the picture taking debacle. You can't change behavior that you don't "see"/understand. Next time you'll catch yourself a little sooner in your rage against the idiot phone woman, only giving her a good, "Can't walk and talk at the same time I see? I suggest you pay better attention in the future so no one charges you for assault; if my son were in a car, I'd have you in jail!" and then you walk on, finished with her.

Maybe you can help yourself by making "rules" for your anger. Like, you can only say true/real things to the other person (notice I didn't say "positive" you do not have to be "positive" when you're angry). Can't call someone an "idiot" because they won't be. So most names are out. It will pretty much limit you to "I" statements. "I wish. . ." or requests, "Would you please. . ." Slowing down your mouth :-) until your brain can figure out what to say according to the rules will keep your thinking engaged and it won't slip as often into rage. It will fix the "flywheel" :-) But linking your anger with anything, an item you wear/carry, etc. so you see and think of it will slow you down a bit and give you some extra space for the breathing and thinking. Wear a particular piece of clothing when you go out in public and call it your "anger shirt" or something.

Anger, even strong anger is not "wrong" just how it is expressed. Trying to suppress anger in the photo shoot or not looking at your disappointment that it wasn't going the way you wanted it to and mourning for that is the sort of thing that gets me in trouble.

My parents made a "sign" (my mother crossed her two index fingers into an "X" in front of one eye :-) so my father would know when he was telling a joke one time too many (he couldn't remember who he'd told and would tell the same "new" joke he liked over and over). You could do that with your husband and son so they could help you realize when you were starting to go overboard and slow you down?

It sounds like you're doing great though; a couple years ago you wouldn't have had a clue, would have just been thoroughly frustrated and not seen any connections?

almedafan, it sounds like you have come a long way with your anger and have it 95% under control. That is great! Please pat yourself on the back. Are you able to take what you learn in therapy about anger management and apply it? Do you find what you are learning in therapy useful? Do you think there is a better approach to anger management for you? I know that sometimes a court will order a person to take anger management courses as part of the ruling on various things (crimes of passion where anger is an issue?), so there is a whole industry out there that offers anger management courses. Might taking a specialized, intensive course be useful to you? Your T might have some advice on that. I hope you will share with him your frustation over the pictures/cell phone incident and see what he has to say. How could you have coped better?

I think it sounds like you are doing great. Tempers are short during the holiday season--shopping, crowds, family issues. Extra stresses and pressure at this time of year--it's tough!

Thanks gals, I have been beating myself up since Sunday. Can't I just stop obsessing about it already!

I see T tomorrow, can't wait to give him the good news. I am looking into the classes Sunny.