Couch 204: The Refactorable Couch

No, not mean, just insistent.

But do mothers always win, just cuz?

I think thats the issue here. Some people feel the need to draw a boundary with a parent, even if the parent is unable to understand the boundary.

Does the parent always win? Does the child always win? Does the crier always win? Does the bully always win? Who judges "intent" ("not being mean")?

I don't think it has to be a win/lose situation. I don't see the issue the same as you do

Fly/no fly? Visit/no visit?

We are not going to agree.

I don’t see it as visit/no visit. It’s more like visit now/visit later/no visit. Or talk now/talk later/never talk. It’s not binary.

I hope she honors the request for space, NP.

I don't know if this is at all an option, or if it would give you enough space, either - but if she did visit, could you pay for her to stay in a hotel? When the mother comes to visit here, she stays with friends instead of with me. This relieves so much of the stress because it means I have alone time and space to regroup. Another idea is taking a weekend or long weekend away somewhere with her if it would help not having her in your space.

I hear having no visit would be preferable - these are just some ideas that might help if she did visit. They would help me, anyway.

Nope. Because my brain was pruned one way, and yours wasnt pruned that way - you have think cells where i have room for mouth, and vicey versey.

My theory of mind is starting to come together here!

How IS your sinus thing?

Not being snippy but please publish a book with all your sayings. I loved that one.

What forms do your hallucinations take?

I think it may be connected to the huge amount of stress you've been under, if they started recently.

Are you searching for a new T?

Is there a reason you think you've been resechduling?

(I have done the same thing before)

I hope you enjoy the class.

I am afraid it will be exT again and i dont know how to recognise it so i can stop it.

Hugs and head nods all around as appropriate.

I understand, as I'm worried about this with M (T I've met with once and am seeing Monday). Even though he seems different.

Random Thought..The whole College Scandal thing with Felicity Huffman getting 14 days in jail. I don’t think she even needs jail time at all. This crap probably happens everyday with wealthy families-these people just so happened to get caught. I think a better punishment would be to make her pay the whole tuition of a few college students who actually earned their spot and call it a day.

LT, do you think seeing a male therapist is wise? It just seems really risky to me, even if he's supposedly competent to handle the issues you feel you need to address.

I'll also be completely honest and say I'm really turned off that he asked you to commit to one month of sessions. Maybe that's about my own issues, maybe not. Could be I misunderstood what he actually said, and he just said that it can take like a month to see if it's a good fit (which I think may or may not be true), but that's not what it sounded like.

I don't know re: male therapist. He is a bit younger than me (well, going by his undergrad graduation date), which I'm hoping would help. And I initially thought he was gay, so figured less of an issue, but then found something (a public article about his artwork--he's also an artist and art therapist) that shows he's not. I had initially contacted 3 female T's, then added him as well--he was first to get back to me.

I have mixed feelings about the "can you commit to a month with me?" thing. He said it can generally take that long to learn how we work together and see if it's a good fit. I understand he may be reluctant to spend time cultivating a relationship while I'm also seeing another T or two. And I think he wanted to know I wasn't immediately going back to ex-DrT. Like, give him a chance.

At the same time, it feels slightly controlling. Like he seemed reluctant when I said I already had the session with K scheduled for this past Thursday, that she's more someone I'm consulting with vs. someone I'm trying as a regular T. And that it would be barely 24 hours notice if I canceled right that minute (like 24.5 hours). And that I wanted to be able to talk through some stuff about ex-DrT with her to help process it before really working with new T. So then he seemed fine with it. I think T's tend to be taught that clients shouldn't see two T's at once, based on what some have told me. So I don't know.

I do still have a phone consult scheduled (for maybe the 24th?) with a female who does Internal Family Systems, which K said she thinks would be a good fit for me (she has a bit of training in it, but not to the level that the woman I'm talking to does--she's familiar with her). I know in her initial email reply, she said she wouldn't have availability for a session till October, so I could probably get through the month with M first, or just have slight overlap that he doesn't need to know about (not telling him about the phone consult, it's like 15 minutes).

He said he wants to spend part of next session (Monday) talking more about his approach to therapy--we didn't really get to that with all the intake stuff and my history last week. So I'm hoping that will give me a better sense of whether he'd be a good fit for me.

As for male vs. female in general, it's usually easier for me to open up to males. And I had some issues with my older female ex-T. I've also seen a couple male T's in the more distant past and didn't have this issue with them. So, we'll see.

The girl I shared the place with moved out today!



I knew we weren't going to work when she complained about me to the building manager on the very first day she moved in kid you not.

I used to just feel so much tension coming home. It just feels like a relief.

I read this thread about how to drive your flatmate away and this stuff won't paint me in a good light- (anyone who wants to continue to believe that I'm innocent and so awesome that halo top named an ice-cream after me should skip this bit ).

I feel bad and I'm not sure why. Could be due to a weird group therapy session yesterday, could be because I'm starting ICU nights tomorrow night (ew).

I'm going on a second date this afternoon with a guy who seems sweet; not like crazy attractive to me but kindness is soooo much more important to me than hotness lol.

Let me just say - its like we're Twins.

Altho i CANT BELIEVE you didnt eat the chocolate!! You are obviously the Arnold Schwarzenegger to my Danny DeVito

I think you can commit to a month, but at the same time also trust your own gut instinct and leave early if you can just feel it isn't going to work.No must about it as long as you don't pay for the month upfront.

Therapy sessions can bring up residual feelings. Are you getting enough sleep in general?

Do you know what you're going to wear?

I love you Una and I really mean that.



I learnt everything from my "dad" . One thing that I'm grateful to R for is that he taught me that I didn't have to nice to ANYONE.

The old me from three years ago, before I met him would have taken it without a doubt to keep the peace.

Heck I once traveled out of my way for 45 mins + to lend a book to someone from my old high school class I wasn't even close to (who later lost that book ).

I'm not afraid of standing up for myself and copying my Queen Halsey.

"No I won't smile, but I'll show you my teeth"

I actually got 12 hours of sleep last nights and then took a nap a few hours after I woke up—making up for a long week, I think.

I’ve got an outfit picked out—jeans and my favorite sweatshirt

Lemoncake - i thought you meant Leona Helmsley aka the queen of mean circa 1980

And let’s have Lori Loughlin pay even more. Like the tuition of a whole class.