Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

Being honest about my feelings should not feel like being skinned, right?

I had a "fight" with my mother over the extra classes I'd signed my sister up for, but It's not like I'm wasting my money on drugs or alcohol.

BTW I don't need you. Have fun on your stupid holiday and if you think I'll come back your mistaken. I don't need anyone or your fake love.

You are one of the best Ts in the world

Why do you have to use the calmest most gentle voice when you are talking about my SUI yet you make me feel like a kid being reprimanded and punished. Why can't you just accept me as I am and let me be or terminate me now. This dragging things along only makes me feel worse.

Dear T,
I think you've helped my marriage more than ex-MC ever did...
Love,
LT

I’m really mad that you’re ignoring my most recent email.

I'm just sad that's all.

I need you too.

I don't know where you are and it's already been 12/20 days with zero contact.

I didn’t call you at all last week. I don’t think I’ve called you in almost 2 weeks actually. I’ve been handling things fine myself and feeling decently mental health wise. If you want to cancel tomorrow because your sick go ahead because I am kind of sick myself.

I am soooo glad I do not have to see you again until Thursday. I know you will probably not like or accept what I am going to say. You will ignore me and keep working on the "treatment plan." I hate when you do not let me steer the session where I want to go. Your ethics of always having to deal with what is keeping me from getting better are a real pain. What do you are if I am getting better or not. LIfe happens and I am going to have ups and downs. Can't you understand that?

Ugh, I'm going to be nervous all morning tomorrow, waiting for a text saying you are not working on Tuesday. The more I want to see you, the more I know you are going to cancel.

T,

It was so hard telling you we have to start the termination process. Thank you for witnessing my grief.

Not seeing you last week was fairly manageable. I suspect it had to do with the family gatherings and the ceremony.

Today, the realization that I will not see you again this week is really hard to handle.

Now 13/20.

Whew, I can’t believe you are actually working tomorrow.

Dear T,
Not sure I totally buy the "swollen knuckle for 9 months story" re: your ring, but OK. We did have a good, necessary, "cleaning the closet" (to use your words from earlier in session) talk, and I feel a bit lighter now as a result. May need to continue a bit Thursday, but feel OK for now. And sorry about the "weirdly shaped beard" comment, but, I mean, it was! Glad you were joking about it at end of session. And about wearing my boots that I almost accidentally left there.
Love,
LT
PS: You get on my nerves sometimes, too.

I'm not seeing you the day after tomorrow. Guess what ... my day is already made.

Dear T,
And yeah, there are probably other reasons that I was so affected by your wearing the ring today, but there's no way in hell I could talk about those with you.
Love,
LT

Dear T,

I'm sort of hurt that you didn't offer to see me twice this week.

-c

Dear T,

I don't feel OK today and I don't want to break my promise, but tomorrow is gonna be hell. Maybe if I do my homework, then you won't be that angry, right?

Why do you sometimes say “can I ask you a super weird question?” And then it turns out to be something like “do you color?” I absolutely hate being asked nosy questions that I find to be none of people’s business and I didn’t find that question nosy or weird.

Did you forget about me? You still have maybe 5 more hours to get that email to me before I know for sure that you forgot... or that something happened to you. Chances are you just forgot because let’s be honest, you are in holiday mode still and I’m really not that important to you. It’s not like I’ve been waiting 11 days or anything for a simple email. This is why I hate this. I’m the pathetic loser longing for a two second acknowledgment and you are off living your life.

Is it weird that you getting in touch to tell me off would be better than hearing nothing? Not in a creepy 'need to hear your words' kind of way, more wanting to know you're okay way. Even an emoji would do. I know the office reopens on the sixth, here's hoping x.

I really hope he didn't tell you that you get on his nerves. That would upset me if my T told me that.

He said it with a smile on his face, but still...it did bother me a bit. Maybe that's what's really bothering me, and it's nothing really to do with the ring at all...

Just waiting for my sisters session to finish then we're going to get chocolate.

Day 14 and zero contact with you.