Couch 208: The Practical Couch

Yeah I think so. And then he insists I stay out of the house; I send him a schedule of what I’m going to do.

On the one hand I appreciate that he’s willing to have me text him at 6am; on the other hand it feels sort of punitive or controlling.

It is controlling. I don’t think I could work with this guy. I mean, there’s this, but also his bizarre cupcake allocation rules.

Hope you feel better.

Having such a t might have totally changed my life, instead of the not my circus not my monkey types i had. My parents were all too willing not to enforce truly helpful discipline - anything that would make me successful in the world and hold me strong against them. I knew it, and i was powerless to defend against it. The devil had me in his grips! So to speak

I know my reaction would be "oh hell no"

The funny thing is that I had very strict parents—only child of two nurses, both terrified that something awful would happen to me. He just thinks that very hands on strict boundaries is the right way to take care of people with BPD, which he believes I have.

Una, do you think you would have liked it or been in the “I hate this but it’s good for me” camp?

I hate the rules and the “don’t reward illness” attitude but appreciate the extra attention... and I’m not sure if it’s good for me or not. I can’t really tell either way—I haven’t SH’d or been inpt since I started seeing this guy (about a year and a half ago) so maybe he’s doing something right? But maybe it’s just Stockholm syndrome, I dunno. My brain’s not firing on all eight today.

Managing my husband's health while I'm at work is a chore. His memory is awful, particularly right now because the pain is so high and he's on more meds than usual. So everything from when to take the next dose of meds to doctor appointments takes constant reminders. I write it down. He sets alarms. Doesn't matter; he still forgets. The kids are there to help, but they aren't quite as diligent at remembering things as I am either. Sure would be easier if I was home, but work is a thing. He's going to have another surgery probably in the next week or so. His implanted morphine pump has shifted/twisted so it isn't laying flat and is rather uncomfortable. They need to go in and tack it down again; somehow it came loose. Just a day surgery, but another medical saga to put on the menu. We're getting it done now though because he hit his medical out-of-pocket months ago and all of this surgery stuff is covered 100%. Come January 1, those deductibles kick in again.

Just to complicate things, this is concert week. I have 8 concerts in the next 10 days. Busy, busy. Thank goodness our kids are there to assist.

She remembered! We celebrated in style by adopting our usual relational pattern - we had a rupture! Why change the habits of a therapeutic lifetime?! What is really special about celebrating in this way is that it is the gift which keeps on giving. I have emailed her persistently and annoyingly ever since and now she is ignoring me. Cheers, here's to another three years!

Ugh, I'm sorry! My rupture with Dr. T that led to me terminating for a couple weeks was right before our 2-year anniversary. Maybe there's something about anniversaries that trigger ruptures...

My parents were strict too, but not in ways that MATTERED, if that makes sense. Its not like it was towards a greater good. It was just to prove who is boss. It was effed. I disciplined myself re homework etc. They belittled or ignored my accomplishments in that regard.

But i didnt understand that thats what was going on. Or couldnt believe it, or accept it. They hated me for doing what they wanted my brother to be doing - getting A's, being "good".

I wanted to join the army out of college, but i was afraid of the discipline, but dang i wish i had.

My long term t in the 80's kinda used to mention re-parenting to me, which i think is what your t is doing , but i could not even hear the term without freaking out. My last t agreed that my parents wrote the book on opposite-parenting - whatever they did was always the opposite of what a parent should do. So i would say, if you can even tolerate it, do it- because it took me a very long time to accept that a helping hand might not be secretly hostile and hurtful - that it might actually be trustworthy. I think thats the real question.

3 year anniversary for me with R on the 16th.....

I haven't emailed to book another session.

Not sure if I would liked having to confirm before I miss a day but at the same time that would = care for me.

I don't have words just sending you love and positive vibes.

Turning it down makes sense to me and that schedule would be hard on anyone. Well done for doing what's best for you. I am so much worse when I don't sleep properly.

I hope you find another job soon.

Dragged myself out for a walk in the woods

I hate Thursday sessions because I know we won't be seeing each other until Monday. This week especially because CPS is coming by tomorrow and T might have to miss Monday because of jury duty. I feel so weak being this dependent on therapy that it upsets me to have all these breaks and interruptions.

Thanks. This is not our first rodeo (more like our 20th rodeo), so we handle these medical things pretty well. Doesn't make us any less tired though. I've gotten much better about prioritizing my obligations to keep myself from totally burning out. Can't do much about the symphony concerts except only commit to the required minimum, but I did bow out of my church choir obligations which does reduce some of the rehearsal and performance obligations. And I am more open to asking for help from those around me than I used to be.

I'm sorry you're in rupture mode.

When do you normally get an email reply back?

If he's handled everything well before once I hope he can do the same thing now. I agree with LT's suggestion maybe you could email him instead as well so you won't have to see his reaction straight away but it's out there.

Hugs, don't know how you juggle so much, my friend.

It's hard to sleep properly sometimes for me too even though I've been unemployed for close to a year. It's better since I'm not working and can nap in the late morning and early afternoon, but obviously that'll change when I get a job. And I do need one because I'm living off savings as we don't have unemployment benefits.

I wonder how I used to cope at work but I remember needing a coffee every morning and sometimes dozing uncontrollably at my desk or in meetings with other people.

My parents are noisy and selfish about the noise they make, especially my Dad. It's frustrating.

Frozen lake in the sun

It looks so peaceful.

OOOO so pretty.

Cuteness overload. You've got one special kid there.

Reminds me of this quote:
Fingers crossed you find a job soon. I can feel the days I don't have my coffee but I cut because because I felt like it was triggering my anxiety even though I wasn't drinking a lot.

I know you're still sorting out the visa stuff,but do you have an approx time frame for the move with your partner?

I think if it's the same for babies it's okay for us.

You have to be dependent to learn how to be independent.

And I get that 4 days can feel like ages.