Couch 208: The Practical Couch

I was feeling insecure today about my performance at work, so I asked the controller for feedback. She told me I'm fantastic and she tells everyone how bright I am. That made me feel ridiculously good. I'm trying to not let my insecurities show at work, but sometimes they do get the better of me. I'm glad she reassured me.

HUGS SlumberKitty. I have insecurities at work, too. Then, when I receive praise or kudos, I get embarrassed and don't know how to respond.

We both do a great job! We both need to internalize that message.

Thanks @StressedMess

Getting more anxious as the appointment gets closer with my T. At least I am having coffee with a friend first. That's something to look forward to. IDK why I'm anxious about my T appointment. Yeah, I have to tell her about the attempt, but I don't think she will be surprised. IDK. I guess because it is hard to tell someone that.

I hope it goes well, Kit.

I was able to get my daughter and son signed up for the next session of dance, gymnastics, and Taekwondo. It's a lot of activities but I think it's good for them. And was able to pay only 50% of the normal cost which was nice too.

What a relief. My boss asked me last night if I was enjoying my job (I started in July). I told him I loved it and the only downside was the commute. I then took a chance and asked him if they were enjoying having me as an employee and he said "Oh yeah" - so I felt better.

Also, they gave me a small raise but didn't tell me. I found it when I reviewed my pay documents today.

Saw regular T today and I think we finally sorted some things out. Things feel better than they have for a while.

Back to work tomorrow after 3 days off. Sigh.

Finals are about to start and the students are nuts.

Apparently my D is feeling philosophical tonight. She asked, "Does tomorrow have to be itself?" I was not sure how to answer that one...

4 year old:
Jersey. Can I have some of your coffee?
Me: Have you lost your marbles?
Him: (laughing) No. They are still all here in my head. I counted them this morning.
Me: No coffee for you. Let’s move on.
Him: (5 minutes later) Jersey. I just counted the marbles in your head.
Me: And?
Him: (laughing) Yesterday you had 6 but today you only have 5. I still love you though.
Me: ........ ......

P is helping her.

OK, that's too funny and adorable!

He is hysterical. There are just two extremes with him though. Never a middle ground.

She did see her this afternoon, actually, but with H this time.

Incidentally, H said he saw Dr. T in the waiting room today, and they sort of nodded at each other. They've never actually met, but H has seen pics of Dr. T, so was able to recognize him. I've at least described H to Dr. T, can't recall if I showed him a photo (but he's a tall, bearded redhead, so would stand out). I have shown him a few photos of D, who was there with him. So Dr. T probably guessed it was him. Suppose I'll ask him tomorrow... H said he looked older than he'd expected him to.

Maybe next time he’s acting up you could send him to look for your missing marble?

I actually told him he’s why I’m missing one of my marbles.
His reply:
Jersey, you’re bonkers.

Now I’m picturing Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family)

I couldn't seem.to find the words tonight to tell T what's going on. He said there's no rush to tell me everything, but I feel like I'm being dishonest to both of us if I don't. And I want to get it out of my head and talk about it without fear of being told I'm crazy or feeling like I'm too much. I told him I fear him freaking out and not letting me leave or ending therapy with me. He said he can't encourage me to hurt myself if that's what I'm looking for. I told him no, that I just want to get it out of my head to talk about it in a safe space without getting mocked for it but I fear it's too much and he'd have to ethically tell me to go to the hospital which is scary. I don't even know right now. I just wish I wasn't feeling this way.

Hugs, SheHulk. You see him again tomorrow, right? Maybe if you don't think you can say what you're feeling, you could try writing it down and handing it to him?

Yes, I see him in the morning and then again Monday maybe...he might have to report to jury duty on Monday but I won't find out until he does on Friday.
I'm in this battle of telling him but not because once it's out, then I have to worry about his reaction. He hasn't sent me to the hospital in the 1 1/2 we've been working together, but we have made the decision together for me to go. There's so much happening this month that I'd kick myself for going into the hospital and missing it.

I got the job but turned it down because I realised it would be very detrimental to my mental health if I worked night shift.

It's graveyard shift so zero social life with friends, my UU group, no time with my partner at all. My parents are incredibly noisy and selfish and they constantly wake abusive brother who works nights. They refuse to make small adjustments out of sheer selfishness when he asks them too and he constantly has poor sleep.

So I turned it down, citing "health reasons" and they guessed it's mental health related. :/

There might be another similar position. Doesn't have the generous shift allowance, but it starts 630am. Commute might be a problem since I live over an hour away, don't drive, first train is 545am. Even if I could drive, it's not my car and Narc Dad is still his abusive self...

My T makes me text/call him before calling in sick to work. I feel like I can’t go in today and texted him; waiting for him to call back.

ETA: He was in a hurry, he didn’t give me too hard of a time.

I feel so bad

Why? Is this another "not rewarding illness" thing? It seems like kind of an overreach to me...