Couch 208: The Practical Couch

When the new company took over, my job title in writing was "Accounting Manager" so that is what I thought I was agreeing to. Turns out I am "HR Manager" and "Office Manager" also. Dude, they got a deal. The last person that did these functions at the old company before the new company took over made more than $50,000 than me yearly. They didn't retain her. So, we just had open enrollment for benefits. It closed. Now an employee is trying to get back on insurance that he cancelled during open enrollment. I'm trying to get a hold of the broker to see if we can do anything. I've left her emails, and voicemails. I have no idea if I can get this guy back on insurance. It's super stressful. On top of that, I'm not feeling stable. I'm dizzy today. I'm having hallucinations. I'm having SH and Sui thoughts. And I am trying my best to pull it together while I am at work. Whew. Just needed to get that out. HUGS all, Kit

I'm not sure I understand his approach. Thinking back to his thing about twice weekly sessions, I thought "not rewarding the illness" was about not doing things to reward inappropriate, unhealthy, or disruptive behavior. So if you show up at his house at 3 AM, he shouldn't give you care/attention then. If you go to therapy twice a week (adhering to the agreed upon schedule and fees, etc), how is that rewarding you for being ill? That just seems like appropriate treatment.

I don't have BPD, but I do have some borderline traits. I am mostly seeing my secondary T for EMDR, but she folds in some DBT too, which I'm sure you know is the gold standard for BPD treatment. DBT seems much more collaborative than what your T is doing, and it seems pretty big on validation. Having to report in about taking days off and promise to stay out of the house seems kind of intrusive and invalidating, which maybe re-enacts the conditions that gave you the (alleged ) borderline traits in the first place.

I also find that the more I embrace the fact that I have borderline traits, the less shame I feel about them, and the less they flare up and impact my life and my sense of self. Nobody wants to be reactive and have tendencies toward black-and-white thinking, etc. It's almost always a result of trauma and chronic invalidation, which probably nobody would sign up for. So if it isn't your fault, then why do you have to feel shame about having to manage those traits?

I told one of my best friends about my recent sui attempt in person yesterday at Starbucks. She was not particularly surprised. She knew I had been struggling a lot lately. But she also said that I made her sad. I apologized. I know I messed up and hurt people that I didn't want to hurt. Which is why I still haven't told my parents. Then I got to give her her Christmas present. Disney princess socks and a scarf (not a princess scarf--a leaf green one with cream color design) she loved it.

Yes, 2ex liked to use that argument when he was screaming at me or spitting on me or threatening to brain me with a 20-lb. dumbbell.

“It’s because I care about you.”

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that and it made me sad just reading it.

You are so brave for having the courage to walk away.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

I've seen your other thread so might reply there.

No, I’m not brave and that was not my point.

My point is that controlling behavior is a form of abuse and never care. One way abusers keep their victims in line is to get them to think it’s care.

Now my food has arrived—I went to a celiac-friendly lunch place where you can get a burger in a bowl and the fries are gf. For the first time ever they screwed that up and put the burger on a bun. And I had to explain why I couldn’t just take it off the bun. Grump.

*curls up on the Couch*

Hard session...anybody up for hot chocolate?

HUGS @LostOnTheTrail *curls up too* gets the marshmallows for the hot chocolate.

Oh I see it now. I never saw it like that.

The marshmallow comment reminded me of this:



But I can't get over deliberately wasting chocolate all over the cup for the sake of presentation

And how to make your own and for anyone else (hint hint hint):

He doesn't do emails, but I can always call him. I don't think he'd be surprised at all by what I said, but even over the phone he'd probably tell me to go to the hospital. I can always say no, but then I'm risking them not trusting me and call 911 on me. I've had it happen talking on the phone to a crisis line before years ago in the parking lot at my school when they called and EMS showed up without any warning.

HUGS @SheHulk07

I'm not sure I understand his approach either. I'm just so confused, and my head is so muddled that I can't think it through.

I could certainly use some validation from him--I can count on one hand the times he's said "good job" or "good work" to me in the last year and a half. He's plenty validating in the empathetic, "that sounds difficult" or, "I can see that you're struggling" kind of way, just not a big fan of verbally recognizing or praising me for working my *** off in therapy/life.

Maybe one day I can get to that place of embracing borderline traits... I just have so much damn shame about it :/

Always.

I'm not sure about his overall approach either.
I'd definitely struggle with the lack of validation. Just today, my T praised me for using some breathing techniques to get through a recent medical testing procedure and for my difference in perspective/approach (compared to usual) on the uncertainty waiting for the results. Though I'm also a "words of affirmation" person.


I have a few borderline traits, too, though my T said it's fairly common to have traits.

My youngest had her official 1st speech therapy session today and it went well. The therapist said she wonders if her hearing is affected because of past ear infections and how she pronounces her vowels. She explained that when she sees that in kids, it's almost always their hearing and they need tubes.

I don't know what to do.

I went to a two-hour diversity workshop this afternoon. They started with an exercise where we were given a list of 12 people. Earth is being destroyed tomorrow and we had to pick 8 to go on the spaceship that seats only 8 and be saved. Of course the candidates are all like "alcoholic male accountant" or "60-year-old Native American university administrator."

Obviously the goal was regenerate the species, I went for reproductive capacity. So I had like the alcoholic male accountant, the 5 women of childbearing age (one already pregnant), a medical student of no identified gender who was a terrorist, and a 12-year-old orphan boy.

No one else used this principle. One guy ended up with all women and people of indeterminate gender because they had skills.

We are doomed.

I am sitting here in my ex hometown because the ex inlaws are having an anniversary we lived here for a few years and i didnt think i would be trggered like this

It was during this time he really ramped up the efforts to turn me into someone else by trying to get me to dye my hair blonde and get breast augmentation because he said it would make me feel better about myself. I never had problem with my breasts or hair colour ever

I want go out to find second hand bookstores but i drove the supermarket yesterday and had a panic attack.

Why is it so hard to get a referral. I asked my pdoc (via email) who he recommends for cardiology - because I'm experiencing a rapid heart rate at time - and he wrote back that I should get a referral from my PCP. I trust pdoc WAY more than PCP. I'm going to switch PCP's soon as well. Anyway, I emailed my PCP asking her who she recommends and the email I get back is "Choose whoever you want for cardiology. You have XYZ insurance and don't need a referral". Gee thanks for the help docs. I see pdoc tomorrow so after I show him PCP's email maybe he'll suggest someone.

I did get a recommendation from the nursing supervisor at work - but I prefer not to see someone who I might run into at work. Though to be fair, I rarely run into cardiologists. I have spoken to the recommended one on the phone twice.

Ive seen your pics on here a few times, i think you are what people call a lovely woman. Somewhere between laura dern and meryl streep. Not as bumpy as laura, not as cowlike as meryl.

@@ - a terrorist seems counter(re)productive!