Couch 213: The Tulip couch

JaneTennison1 · 08:21 PM

my mum has coronavirus probably. She hasn't been tested but she has had a fever and some other things for 2 weeks. I've spent the first week not believing her and the second feeling annoyed at having to support her even though it is legitimate.

Who knew her abuse would have a negative effect on my ability to care for her - said sarcastically

As for comfort. I'm not a huggy touchy feely person. If someone is just there with me it feels enough. If something big is happening it helps if they just swear a little and dont try to make me feel better.

stopdog · Apr 13, 2020, 09:01 PM

I don't find validation all that useful. I don't want invalidation of course, but not validation either. I am not that great at validation because why? How is it useful -so it is not my go to response. And to me, something like "you can do this" is annoying or it angers me - mostly because usually I know I can do what I need to do - whether someone else thinks I can or not is not all that important to me one way or the other. My poor mother used to talk about how hard I was to comfort and I don't disagree with her. Apparently I am not easy to encourage either. Mostly I find the most use when people just leave me alone to deal with whatever it is I have to deal with until I am ready to come back and interact with them in my usual way. My person was the one person aside from my grandmother who I could tolerate near me if I was going through something.

SheHulk07 · Apr 13, 2020, 09:56 PM

T2 told me today that we could talk more than once a week, which he hasn't mentioned before now. I'm debating on taking him up on his offer and dropping T1. Downside though is T2 is the one that's always late even in Zoom and he's not really available outside of session.

I'm having bad luck trying to find a T that offers both like ex T did and it's really getting to me lately.

NP_Complete · Apr 13, 2020, 11:35 PM

Support and reassurance feel like one thing. Comfort, for me, feels more primal. Words aren't necessarily needed. When I imagine being comforted, I picture myself being in pain and someone with whom I share a mutual affection comes and embraces me and I don't feel so alone anymore. It doesn't necessarily require touch, although that's nice too. I've felt comforted at times in therapy with just my therapist's presence. I'm sure he was doing something subtle. He sighs deeply a lot when I think he's feeling empathetic so maybe that's part of it. My husband was not a good comforter. He often actively mocked me when I was hurt or upset. Yet I still craved him to comfort me. For some reason, the thought of my mother comforting me right now fills me with dread and I don't know why. I have felt comforted by her in the past.

Lemoncake · Apr 14, 2020, 03:16 AM

So I failed my ENT exam, got complications stuff mixed up. He said they'd release dates for retakes later.

I've also been pretty ill with a cough- no fever though. I haven't gone out for 11 days so I know 100% it's from the girl I share the bathroom with because 1. She's been coughing away for the past 2.5 weeks.

I get that the're's bigger things than my exams to worry about.

Lemoncake · Apr 14, 2020, 03:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SheHulk07

T2 told me today that we could talk more than once a week, which he hasn't mentioned before now. I'm debating on taking him up on his offer and dropping T1. Downside though is T2 is the one that's always late even in Zoom and he's not really available outside of session.

I'm having bad luck trying to find a T that offers both like ex T did and it's really getting to me lately.

I think having structure and knowing when your T is turning up would be really good for you.

What does talking more than once a week mean? Another session or also brief phone support/emails?

Lemoncake · Apr 14, 2020, 03:25 AM

@@ Congrats on being a super Mod.

They grow up so fast.

LostOnTheTrail · Apr 14, 2020, 03:46 AM

Damn, Cake.

That really sucks. I'm sorry you are unwell on top of everything else.
I hope you are able to find ways to take care of yourself during this time.

unaluna · Apr 14, 2020, 05:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

@@ Congrats on being a super Mod.

They grow up so fast.

I wondered why she was GLARING! That explains it.

chihirochild · Apr 14, 2020, 06:35 AM

I had nightmares all last night about ventilated patients and then woke up feeling intensely depressed. I’m scared.

ElectricManatee · Apr 14, 2020, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

So I failed my ENT exam, got complications stuff mixed up. He said they'd release dates for retakes later.

I've also been pretty ill with a cough- no fever though. I haven't gone out for 11 days so I know 100% it's from the girl I share the bathroom with because 1. She's been coughing away for the past 2.5 weeks.

I get that the're's bigger things than my exams to worry about.

I'm sorry to hear about your exam and glad that you will have a chance to retake it. I bet you're having an extra hard time concentrating with everything that's going on in the world right now.

chihirochild · Apr 14, 2020, 07:30 AM

Forcing myself to go on an early morning nature walk.

ElectricManatee · Apr 14, 2020, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

Forcing myself to go on an early morning nature walk.

I'm so sorry today is hard. I think trying to do healthy things like nature walks is a good idea, even if you don't feel like it. I hope you can be gentle with yourself today too.

Liz has read a lot about sleep stuff, so I'm going to ask if she knows of any techniques to stop having nightmares because I've been having a lot of them lately too. I'll report back if she has any useful tips.

stopdog · Apr 14, 2020, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I wondered why she was GLARING. That explains it.

I wondered so too. I thought it was just one of the many glitches that show up from time to time on this site and then go away on their own eventually. While Good Job I say to ATAT, this site has more moderator hierarchy than the catholic church.

SheHulk07 · Apr 14, 2020, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I think having structure and knowing when your T is turning up would be really good for you.

What does talking more than once a week mean? Another session or also brief phone support/emails?

Thanks Lemon. I'm sorry about your exam. I'm sure you'll pass on your retake.

And T2 meant another session, not emails or anything. He just said that with everything going on, that he's sure insurance wouldn't have a problem with it and to let him know if I need to talk again.

ElectricManatee · Apr 14, 2020, 09:13 AM

ToddlerManatee is definitely starting to talk! So far she has the basics: hi, bye, mama, doggy, etc. I'm probably driving her crazy by asking every five minutes if she can say other words.

chihirochild · Apr 14, 2020, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

ToddlerManatee is definitely starting to talk! So far she has the basics: hi, bye, mama, doggy, etc. I'm probably driving her crazy by asking every five minutes if she can say other words.

That is so precious

ElectricManatee · Apr 14, 2020, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

That is so precious

My absolute favorite thing is that when we go on walks around the neighborhood, she waves at each and every dog she sees or hears. (No waving at people, though, just dogs.

)

atisketatasket · Apr 14, 2020, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

My absolute favorite thing is that when we go on walks around the neighborhood, she waves at each and every dog she sees or hears. (No waving at people, though, just dogs.

)

She has already figured out which is the better species.

By the way, is that her to the left in your avatar photo?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

Liz has read a lot about sleep stuff, so I'm going to ask if she knows of any techniques to stop having nightmares because I've been having a lot of them lately too. I'll report back if she has any useful tips.

This article from yesterday's NYT had some tips: Is Coronavirus Making You Have Weird Dreams? Actually, Yes. - The New York Times

SlumberKitty · Apr 14, 2020, 10:18 AM

Okay, so I've been at work for an hour and a quarter and I'm already facing a long day with not lots to do. Yesterday I was pretty busy but today looks pretty light so far. Of course something could always come in and make me have lots to do, which would be okay with me, but I'm dreading the next seven hours if there isn't much to do. Yes, I know I am lucky to be able to work, even if work did cut all of our hours to part time, but still, it's difficult when there isn't much to do. It makes for a long day. HUGS Kit

SlumberKitty · Apr 14, 2020, 10:21 AM

So the ambulance company sent me a bill. This was from when I was IP. The insurance company covered part of the bill but not all of it. Leaving over $2K that the ambulance company now says is my responsibility. Bull. I didn't call the ambulance, the ER did. I had no choice in the matter. So I called the insurance company last night but it was too late for them to call the ambulance company. I'm hoping the insurance company will pick up the rest of the bill because right now is not a good time for me to try to come up with $2K. I was really stressed and frustrated last night. Today the insurance company is supposed to call the ambulance company and then get back to me. I'll see if that happens. If not I'm calling the insurance company again tomorrow. I really want this taken care of. What a mess!

SlumberKitty · Apr 14, 2020, 10:25 AM

Last night Pastor T brought up being IP. He said, he could call the hospital. I was like, NO. No. No. No. No. No. First, I'd probably get Covid 19 in the hospital. Second I do not want to be in the hospital. Third, I'm still getting bills from the last hospitalization. He was like, well it's an option. Then we sort of changed topics. I don't think I'm going to tell him much stuff if he is going to respond like that. But then what is the point of seeing him? (On Skype.) He was like yeah, your recovery is going to suck. Yeah, every day you need to decide if you are a new person or the old you. Yeah, it's going to be a battle. Etc. Etc. He was like there's no easy way around it. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. I guess I wanted to hear, yeah, it's going to get easier. Or yeah, it's going to be worth it. Or something. HUGS Kit

atisketatasket · Apr 14, 2020, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Okay, so I've been at work for an hour and a quarter and I'm already facing a long day with not lots to do. Yesterday I was pretty busy but today looks pretty light so far. Of course something could always come in and make me have lots to do, which would be okay with me, but I'm dreading the next seven hours if there isn't much to do. Yes, I know I am lucky to be able to work, even if work did cut all of our hours to part time, but still, it's difficult when there isn't much to do. It makes for a long day. HUGS Kit

Got a book? Netflix? A phone you can access those on? Walk around the building? Better than sitting with spiraling thoughts.

Lemoncake · Apr 14, 2020, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

ToddlerManatee is definitely starting to talk! So far she has the basics: hi, bye, mama, doggy, etc. I'm probably driving her crazy by asking every five minutes if she can say other words.

Aww so cute.

Just needs to add milk and she has everything she needs.

Hi, milk, bye.