Couch 213: The Tulip couch

She can sign milk! (That's a daycare thing -- I'm not nearly on top of it enough to learn baby sign language and then teach it to her myself.) Unfortunately she uses the milk sign when she wants not only milk but literally anything else too. It is... somewhat less useful that way.

I see Loan Dog is rapidly turning you into a dog person, exactly as planned.

But of course! Can't you see the family resemblance?!

HUGS Artie

sorry, that was supposed to be picture of Penelope watching TV but it didn't work so i deleted it

ok let's try this again. Penny loves watching nature shows on TV and sometimes she tries to play with the critters!

Awww. Cute Artie!

I'm so riled up that a car honked outside and it made me jump. I feel so terrible today.

Hey kit. Im reading a book called Atomic Habits. Btw, it blew up on my kindle at 10%, so i moved to 11% then backed up. I dont know if its my phone or a bad track on the kindle source.

Anyway it talks about do you change from the inside out, or the outside in? Plus hes got 3 levels that you change from. I just started on it, and its helping me somewhat. Its helping me feel not so bad about FAILING all the time.

Wow her aim is good! Wiki sports for kitties!

Because to a baby, milk IS everything, freudianly speaking, isnt it? So interesting!

Right? We get such a kick out of her!

Note I didn’t say that there wasn’t a better species than either—Felis catus.

Such a cute pic, Artie!

My toddler had the first part of her Child find assessment for preschool through Zoom on Monday. They're hoping that this quarantine is over with in June to do the in person play assessment. I'm hoping so too.

H came over for about an hr while I had a consult with a different T. He basically slept on the couch the whole time and then left. I think he's enjoying not having the kids and getting to barely work, sit at his mom's and play video games all night long. I'm glad he's not fighting to stay over longer but he's still trying to hug and kiss me when he's over. He also is arguing with me over the stimulus payment we'll be getting. He told me that I have more money than he does due to my student loan check. I said that's irrelevant because I have the kids and technically we should split it half and half. I know if we keep it all in his account, it'll get used before I can touch a dime of it.

So weird. Sometimes I forget about COVID 19. Like I'm at work and my shoulder is hurting and I was like hmmm I need to go get a deep tissue massage. Um. Duh. I can't. I'm wearing a face mask and everything. How could I forget that?!

I scared myself. I went to the breakroom at work and I didn't turn on the light because it was partially lit from the hallway. I saw something laying on the floor. I thought it was a or something. Flipped the light on and realized it was part of an old banana peel that had turned all black that someone left laying on the floor. Eww. But not as Eww as I first thought. Whew!

I have had dead mice from the cat that I ignored for a day or so because I thought they were leaves that fell off the dogs. Oh how we laughed.

I get it, Kit. The few moments of forgetting are nice. I'm trying to make more of them by watching The Great British Baking Show, and a drama about a scandal that relates to Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.

Oooh. I like the Great British Baking Show!!!

I had a moment last week where I forgot for a bit and was happy (playing music and dancing while cooking), then I kind of crashed afterward and almost felt worse. I told Dr. T about it, and he seemed a little puzzled at first, that I'd have that reaction. He said it almost seemed like I felt worse than before I had the happy moment. I agreed. Then, he warned me that this was a bit dark, but it made him think of a past client. The comparison actually made sense to me, and it felt like T was understanding what I felt in some way. Even if he was understanding through an experience with a past client, if that makes sense?

I've had a few happy moments since then and didn't have the same level of crash afterward (told him about it last session), so maybe it's just the first that feels so awful?


He did joke, "Well, obviously the solution is to not have any happy moments." He quickly added, "That's terrible advice!" I said I could see in some ways how it might be better, that if I just stayed in this state of "this is just my life now, and it sucks" to not forget about what's going on, would be easier to keep existing. Instead of the ups and downs. But I also realize I need to find some moments of happiness/escape in order to get through (and I'm trying to find them).

I don't want people to be sick, dying, homeless, hungry or out of a job. But other than that, I don't understand why this is all that over the top distressing to people who are not in those categories - those categories were not good even without a pandemic. I do understand it is not all that fun to not be able to go out and see others but it isn't like being sick, starving, homeless or dying (I don't count dead because I believe once you are gone that is it for you -your loved ones might not like it, but for the dead person -it is over (not over in a bad way- frankly I usually think over in a good way. I don't believe in a hell so that might help) and dead is going to happen at some point no matter what). I am not criticizing - I am just baffled. I truly do not understand the point of not finding some way to enjoy yourself/life even now. Think of all the times one said to one's self - I wish I had time to do X - now you do. Unless X is traveling and then probably not so much - but planning travel, learning all about where you want to travel, figuring out a way to travel = is possible(just an example - I am not a big traveler). Build a climbing wall in your living room, learn to weave baskets, teach your kid to ride a skateboard or make slime or cook or how to make a climbing wall. I feel like an alien -but that isn't unique to the pandemic either - so there's that.

I watched a video that said we can't numb out just one emotion. If we numb out sadness, we also numb out happiness. Though everyone I've talked to agrees that when it comes to safety, numbing out emotions can be best so you can cope now and deal with the emotions when you're in a safer place.

But I can relate to feeling happy and that happiness makes me sad. I feel that every week with L. I'm so happy to see her (I've even been remaining on video so I can see her the whole time), but when I do see her, it's like a tease. Like here she is and I can't have her. Like a carrot on the end of a stick. And on Friday sessions, I'm already sad because I know I'll have to go 5 more days until I can see her again. Even tomorrow's session will be sad. I'll have 90 minutes with her, but who knows how long it will be until I see her again. It breaks my heart. My goal is to try to stay in the moment for as long as I can, really be present, and soak up as much support as I can.

I'm watching Tiger King with one of my BFFs over Netflix Party and it is *wild*

Is that the guy whose wife fed him to the lions?

Yes'm it is