Couch 213: The Tulip couch

SD is the favourite of the month.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

What would comfort in a session look like for you?

Maybe you could try meditations on youtube as an alternative?

Thanks, Lemon.

I'm not totally sure what comfort would look like. I kind of want him to help me figure that out and then do it, instead of telling me all the reasons why he won't do it or why I am not satisfied with what he is currently offering. I think maybe it would look like him shutting up and giving me space, making sympathetic noises, saying things like, "that sounds like that was really difficult." But I don't want to, like, give him a script and then have him read it word-for-word in session; I want him to genuinely connect with me and respond in a way that is both organic and helpful to me. So telling him exactly what to do doesn't feel like the right thing, ya know?

Yeah I can use the Headspace app for meditations; I just liked the online community of work peeps for solidarity.

Also I'm just mad at everything right now.

SD captured my heart waaaaay back when she had the delightful mr fox as her avatar, or a reasonable facsimile.

You know how i am about an animal in a cravat.

It's okay to be angry. I spent the whole morning saying I hate everybody.

I highlighted the bit above that stood out for me.It makes sense to want that and it brings up the image of a home- especially with everything that's going on.

When do you see him next? Have yo increased your session number or are you still on one a week?

What about OUR thing?

@@'s wedding?

She looks like she's plotting something from her throne.

She looks like she's plotting something from her throne.

Have you heard from L?

I saw another T refer to the pandemic as collective trauma. It is hard emotionally dealing with something so prolonged.It makes sense your more exhausted. Hope you can find a time to rest.

A home full of love is worth wayyyyy more than a super clean house.

A couple of weeks ago my mother sent me this meme that read: "No matter what yesterday was like, birds always start the new day with a song."

This is nothing new from her. When I first heard the term toxic positivity, I immediately thought of her. I've always hated this kind of thing, but in the interest of getting along and letting her be her, I never said anything. This particular text changed that. I kind of went off on her. I asked her what birds and people had in common, that I hated these pollyannaish type sentiments, that it felt dismissive, that people go through things that you can't just shrug your shoulders, say "oh well" and get over. She didn't text back for 10 minutes and then only said that maybe I was right and that she was going to the store. I feel like I was too harsh on her, but I also feel that she can't handle any emotions if they aren't positive. Before my father died, I was on a phone call with both of them and I was feeling pretty depressed and you could hear it in my voice. She brought it up and I told her that sometimes people are down. A few minutes later they ended the call telling me to call back when I'm not feeling down. I wanted to talk I just couldn't force myself to sound cheery. I felt so rejected that day.

I don't know how you're supposed to deal with these toxic positivity people, but you're not alone in finding it demoralizing.

Also, since the coronavirus thing started, my mother has instituted a policy of daily check-ins via text message.

Where was she when my husband set my ****ing house on fire? Maybe THAT would have been a good time to check in on me daily. I feel so angry.

Maybe it all balances out - all the toxic unhappy people on one side and all of the too positive people on the other - and it balances?

I love to watch how this stuff works. How many therapists have(or had) a picture of a kitten hanging on a branch with the words - hang in there on it. On peloton forums one of the things that has amazed me the most is how useful some people find the mindless empty sayings from the various leaders/coaches/whatever they are called - it is watching people follow gurus - but it does help some people from what they report.

I think that sort of sentiment is just asking for people to jump into a victim mindset. I mean - therapists profit from it, of course - but I don't think people should buy into it.

I have to agree—let’s save the trauma diagnosis for those on the front lines of the disaster—hospital employees, those sick, those with a loved one sick, first responders, front line workers at essential businesses like grocery stores who have to choose between their health and their paycheck, those with no job anymore and facing homelessness or starvation.

I read an article yesterday in which a psychologist noted this doesn’t rise to the diagnostic level of trauma for most people. It doesn’t mean the rest of us aren’t exhausted, or anxious, or afraid, or that we have no right to be any of these things, we do—but I think the trauma diagnosis should be saved for those who merit it.

Today is the last day of my class and I have yet to finish a paper that's due by 1am. I'm also supposed to see T1s partner this evening and I don't really want to. I feel that it's too late to cancel though, too.

In addition to being dragged to the emergency room against my will, I’ve also been learning to play the mandolin a bit. Here’s my best effort after a week or so of plunking around: Dropbox - Mandolin week 1.m4a - Simplify your life

That's beautiful.

I have to get on a work WebEx meeting shortly and I'm afraid I'm going to start crying in the middle of it because this project is stressing me out.

At the risk of being a toxic Pollyanna, I am so impressed that you are able to get in touch with that kind of anger. It sounds like your parents (and your mom in particular?) really failed you when you needed them. This seems like the kind of thing that sets one up for life-long depression, so I hope you and your T have been able to dig into it.

I've been getting too-frequent-for-my-taste check-ins from my emotionally absent mother too. Extra "help" from the extremely unhelpful is the last thing one needs during a global emergency.

I got my at-home haircut today. It looks AWESOME. My wife is going to regret using YouTube to learn how to cut hair because now I am going to want her to do it for me all the time.

I think it is good you are learning a new instrument - why did you choose mandolin?

Sounds beautiful, Chihiro!

Sounds lovely! And you have a nice singing voice.

My impulse buy ukulele arrived two days ago, and I've now taken it out (was on Amazon quarantine). Need to tune it, and it conveniently came with an electronic tuner. Because it has nylon strings, it will apparently need to be tuned frequently in the beginning. also came with carrying bag and strap that's a bit too patriotic. And what looks to be an electronics wipe (?). And an instructional CD-rom, which is kinda funny (no CD drive on Macbook, though I have an external one somewhere). Fender is giving free 3 months (I think) of lessons for guitar, ukulele, and...something else, so may try those.

We'll see...

Dr. T was amused when I said I got one. Supposed to have easier learning curve than guitar, so...

I'm now getting images of LT serenading Dr. T over Zoom with her ukulele.

Nice re: haircut!

I'm wondering if Dr. T is going to have his wife cut his hair (or do so himself). It's getting quite poofy (and it's fairly curly, so would be more challenging to cut than straight hair, at least based on my wavy-hair experience). He's letting his beard grow though. Maybe he'll just be like full caveman by the end of this.