Couch 213: The Tulip couch

I had to take my car in for a safety-related recall recently. We planned to leave it there for a few days, but that turned into a week because we both forgot it was there. So to me, it seems like a weird time to be thinking about cars when many of us are barely using ours.

I'm also amused at how many of my neighbors still have their trash cans at the curb several days after trash day because they don't leave their house so they don't ever remember to take them in.

Yeah, as I was posting my comment, I realized there are exceptions and that people's cars do break down and we still need access to transportation. I can see having the repair shops open and being able to buy a car if yours is caput, but it doesn't sound like that's what H is doing. H wants a new car because he's kind of entitled sounding. I really hope SP has her own accounts because he's going to bankrupt them with his financial malfeasance.

My H was an entitled little *****. When we moved cross country we went down to one car. I didn't want him to be trapped at home all day so he would take me to work and pick me up. He lost the right to have the car during the day after one too many times when he either showed up drunk to pick me up or was passed out drunk at home and never showed up to get me. Then he decided he needed his own car because I refused to let him take me anymore. I said we could look for something used, but that was not good enough for him. He needed a new car. Mind you, my car is 15 years old and he doesn't work. I remember arguing about this one morning before work and he told me what a f-ing c*nt I was and to get the f out of his face in a way that scared me. I could feel his hatred of me emanating from him.

I apologize if me calling SP's H entitled is out of line. It reminds me somewhat of my situation.

I went to Costco today, first time out to do real grocery and sundries shopping since...is it still April? Time is a mystery to me. It's been over a month anyway.


Shopping at Costco with social distancing minus masks is my dream. They should do this forever. I did not want to run over anyone with my cart, not once the entire trip.

Did you get the Danish pastries?

I bought survival supplies like jelly beans and chocolate bars and bacon and wine.

Entitled sounding is one of the least offensive things he's been called...even on here I think. L and I have talked about why I choose to stay with him even after all that I've been through. She wishes he would do more for me: cuddle without strings attached, provide me emotional and financial security, etc. I'm not trying to defend him, nor throw him under the bus. However, he is putting us at more financial risk. We only have enough money to last the rest of the year. That's it. Selling his Tesla would allow us 6 more months of money. But he wants to get a loan or lease a new $30k car with no income and okay credit. The best interest rate they could get us today was 12%. The deals they advertise are lies unless you have high income and an 800+ credit score. Its bs. But H is jumping the gun. Carmax, which is where we could sell the Tesla, is closed until further notice. So buying a car now doesn't help us at all.

It just stresses me out real bad talking about finances. I know how bad it is. Homelessness is just around the corner. That is really scary. I won't do it again.

I left L a voice-mail as per our agreement. But I have session with her tomorrow at 1pm, so she probably won't call.

The best quote I've heard about love is "we accept the love we think we deserve". You don't know how much respect and love you deserve until you walk away.

I wouldn't want to buy a new car when that money could be used for rent or food.Just because he wants it doesn't mean you have to agree at all. Given the way things are it would be a great idea to have that extra money as a buffer.

My school started offering counselling last month. We're a smaller campus. It was always available at another location, but with travelling time it didn't seem worth it. They're doing it online now with a clinical psychologist. Last month was fully booked. but there's spaces I booked for Wednesday, but might cancel later on. The advantage is that I don't have to pay.

I feel like R is pushing me to talk about things I don't want to, with his wasting your time comments and when I asked for clarification what boundary I had broken, he said he wasn't going to get drawn into this. But said getting him to selling him a sketch when I'd asked jokingly if he buy one of my sister's drawings. That last session was last session and I had this time now but I wasn't.

Also just hanging up on the dot even if I might still be crying heavily seems cruel.

Oooo sounds like my kind of shop.

What bars did you get? I'm getting a kitkat vibe from you.

I summoned H to come over so I can do my session with T1. I think I'm going to hop in the car and drive to a park and sit in it while I see him. My father is fixing the kitchen cabinets so he's drilling and there's no place to go that's quiet.

Boring--a box of plain Hershey bars. It's for s'mores. We had graham crackers and marshmallows but no chocolate. The only problem now that the weather is (atypically) back yard campfire weather but firewood isn't usually available in April and we just used our last from the shed.

H and dad are fighting over buying a car: H for it, dad against it. I need a vacation!

Don't you get to have a say in it?

Yes and no. Part of me doesn't want to even take part in it. I understand selling the Tesla. But I wish H would take my dad's and mine suggestion of using one of our cars in the mean time. H doesn't want to. In the end, I have no control over H. I know some think I should stand up to H, but I'm truly afraid of retaliation. I'm afraid of the abuse or threatening taking away my therapy. He's already asking me to reduce, which I've been resisting.

My sessions with T1 have felt awful the past 2 weeks. Both times we had to convert to the phone because he said we had a bad connection. He's also keeps pushing for IOP and told me today that he doesn't want to be playing phone tag with my CPS caseworker anymore. Not that I blame him for that.

I'm still not sure what my state plans to do about early release for prisoners. The newspaper released a document prepared for the governor with numbers of prisoners for different criteria for release. There seems to be some distinction on the type of crime committed and I have a sinking feeling that they consider his crimes to be property crimes and not people crimes. I hate how my involvement with the criminal justice system makes me feel worthless and unimportant.

Ty LT! I did call L last night based upon what you said, and realizing that I had an agreement with L to contact her. She actually didn't get my voice-mail for some reason, but it was okay because we just had our session today anyways. She said she would let me know when/if she needs time to deal with the emergency. For now, everything will remain the same. I really needed that reassurance from her.

What a way to StartTV the day! Randy Travis is on Touched By an Angel! Not a paid commercial, just a Randy fangirl!

I love Randy Travis too, una.

'I heard music bring a heart of stone to tears...' Who else could write a line like that?

I didn't know he acted, though.


I've just finished doing a somatic exercise video offered by Bessel van der Kolk's partner.

Part of it was an exercise I have done many times before, but this time I nearly cried.

Seems I still have some self-compassion Stuff to work on.

hey couch. i got up early this morning and did the grocery shopping, hardly any people out and about this morning. now i'm doing laundry and a little homework. hope everybody's doing okay as can be.

Yeah, he was in a few Matlocks too! They did duets, you know Andy likes to sing and play. Andy and Randy! It was pretty sweet!

I had the saddest dream the other night. We were having some cousin's birthday party at my parents house, but my parents were passed, and i was just so sad that they were gone. Usually in similar dreams they show up as if they are still here, but not this time. I think its because of all the covid stories on tv.

So guys I'd like your opinion on this new house I'm buying:

7 bedroom detached house for sale in Phillimore Gardens, Kensington, London, W8

The garden is kinda small.

Or I dunno maybe this one:

7 bedroom house for sale in Mansion House, Cowley Street, Westminster, London, SW1P, SW1P

Maybe the pool would encourage me to learn how to swim.

I like the one with the pool better, but i dont want somebody sittin there poopin while im soaking in the tub!

Eta - i corona cut new bangs yesterday, and my hair looks awesome! Its exactly what i wanted my hairdresser to do last summer, only she failed! It looks like this, only grey/white, and on my tired fat old face. But aside from that, its EXACTLY the same! Only different, not slanty, and much thinner hair...

Lemon, it’s good of you to get a house with a pool just for una. What a wedding gift.

Who gets the other 6 bedrooms? And we can have 5 receptions going at once in the 5 reception rooms!