[Fuzzybear]

I was told by a therapist I am too sensitive. I was told by a GP I was not ''coping with my problems'' in a highly dismissive, blaming way. I was told I am ''paranoid'' for being hurt by being judged by him and another professional. How should I address being judged and labelled? How should I address being told I do not have ''good social skills'' and yet no support is offered, only further negativity? If I mirrored the ''social skills'' this therapist showed, I would definitely not be likeable.

Has anyone reconnected with an old therapist through teletherapy etc? There are 2 former therapists I am considering contacting. I am ''wiser'' now and I would dish out to them what they may try to dish out to me.

I am not ''anti therapists'' in general. I just happened to consult two therapists who, at best, were not good at their chosen profession.

I know there are some wonderful therapists out there. Maybe I am too ''faulty'' and ''unendearing'' for any of them in this forest irl to want to work with me. That is how the 2 therapists and several GP's (primary ''care'' doctors) made me feel

However, I do not believe that is ''reality''.... they wanted me to go away for a number of reasons, none of which were me being ''a bad person'' or ''faulty'' or ''unendearing''.... the reasons were more about their ego, and power and control.

I am wondering about contacting a therapist in my forest. But I am not optimistic I would not tell them that. I would try to be ''positive'' and tell them what they want to hear.

[Salmon77]

There are 2 former therapists I am considering contacting. I am ''wiser'' now and I would dish out to them what they may try to dish out to me.

I gather that you have been very hurt by these therapists, but I don't see much point in paying them again just to give them a piece of your mind or get revenge or whatever. It may be worthwhile to see a different therapist and try to come to terms with what happened, but "telling them what they want to hear" is pointless.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

I gather that you have been very hurt by these therapists, but I don't see much point in paying them again just to give them a piece of your mind or get revenge or whatever. It may be worthwhile to see a different therapist and try to come to terms with what happened, but "telling them what they want to hear" is pointless.

I have no wish to ''get revenge''.. I am sure they would be completely indifferent to anything I might say. One of them made it very clear how indifferent he felt to me (just like the parental units..)

It would be for me, not to ''wound'' them......many advise someone to write a letter to a former abuser and maybe not send it.

I do agree that ''telling a therapist what they want to hear'' is pointless.

Although if a therapist has a certain dx and also is not good at their job it can be helpful to feed their ego, telling them what they want to hear... just enough positive reinforcement, not ''too much'' and risking being labelled as having an ''unhealthy dependency''... oh the labels... so boring

I find therapists who do not dish out labels much more helpful.

I did nothing that was ''unhealthy'' with either of those therapists. I paid them to listen to me, to listen and respond in a therapeutic way. I did not receive an adequate service. And they were expensive.

[TishaBuv]

“Too sensitive and not coping” by whose standards? Do you agree they are correct?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

“Too sensitive and not coping” by whose standards? Do you agree they are correct?

I think they enjoyed judging. They enjoyed imposing their judgments on others, maybe to feel better about themselves, or maybe they were just lousy at their job... ''not coping with their job''

''value imposition is a type of boundary violation'' ''that can interfere with your clients progress in treatment as well as their right to self-determination''

They did violate my boundaries.

Many clients are ''vulnerable'' when they first seek therapy.

''How not to impose your values on clients'' - a good read for some therapists who are struggling to cope with their job...

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I think they enjoyed judging. They enjoyed imposing their judgments on others, maybe to feel better about themselves, or maybe they were just lousy at their job... ''not coping with their job''

''value imposition is a type of boundary violation''

They did violate my boundaries. Many clients are ''vulnerable'' when they first seek therapy.

''How not to impose your values on clients'' - a good read for some therapists who are struggling to cope with their job...

I had therapists say things to me that had caused me great rumination, wondering if it is true. For example: “You probably never would have been happy with anybody.” Can’t you see how that would put me into a tailspin?

The most important thing is do YOU believe it?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I had therapists say things to me that had caused me great rumination, wondering if it is true. For example: “You probably never would have been happy with anybody.” Can’t you see how that would put me into a tailspin?

The most important thing is do YOU believe it?

I can see how that would put you into a tailspin.

I don't believe there was any value in what they said... these people are paid to help people, not to judge. The therapists themselves have very dysfunctional ''coping mechanisms'' which they may not even be aware of when they are so judgmental and lacking in helpful insights.

As rumination is a common symptom of many MH disorders (I believe) it is very harmful when providers are so shoddy and uncaring with their words.

Did you terminate with that therapist who said that?

[TishaBuv]

I left her office hysterically crying, drove home miraculously not having an accident and never saw that nasty B again. But, she may have been right. I may be completely damaged.

But a nasty, heartless person like that who drops a bomb on you and leaves you bleeding sure isn’t the one to help people “too sensitive” like you and me.

My therapist is pretty blunt about her experience of me and it is often very hard to hear. She has told me that I am a cold fish, that she has to steel herself to meet me, that therapy with me is challenging, and so on. I am relatively unpleasant, but I don't want to be reminded of it. Of course, the fact that I don't want to be reminded of it is part of my work - to say nothing of the exploration around what prompts me to respond like this to others. I told her recently that it isn't helpful for me to hear these things in this way and that it is just painful. She seemed to understand. I often think that to be in therapy you have to be emotionally robust and literate - ironic given the reasons with which most of us go to therapy.

Maybe your therapists had a point about some of your characteristics and responses. Perhaps you need to find a therapist who can practice more relationally and perhaps that would enable you to work on your defenses. Being too sensitive and unendearing do not sound like faults to me, they sound like creative adjustments.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I left her office hysterically crying, drove home miraculously not having an accident and never saw that nasty B again. But, she may have been right. I may be completely damaged.

But a nasty, heartless person like that who drops a bomb on you and leaves you bleeding sure isn’t the one to help people “too sensitive” like you and me.

Exactly - nasty heartless people like that are ill equipped to be in any “caring” profession

She sounds very damaged. And stupid ... there is no fixing stupid. I’m sorry that bytch took her dysfunctions and misdirected anger out on you

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

My therapist is pretty blunt about her experience of me and it is often very hard to hear. She has told me that I am a cold fish, that she has to steel herself to meet me, that therapy with me is challenging, and so on. I am relatively unpleasant, but I don't want to be reminded of it. Of course, the fact that I don't want to be reminded of it is part of my work - to say nothing of the exploration around what prompts me to respond like this to others. I told her recently that it isn't helpful for me to hear these things in this way and that it is just painful. She seemed to understand. I often think that to be in therapy you have to be emotionally robust and literate - ironic given the reasons with which most of us go to therapy.

Maybe your therapists had a point about some of your characteristics and responses. Perhaps you need to find a therapist who can practice more relationally and perhaps that would enable you to work on your defenses. Being too sensitive and unendearing do not sound like faults to me, they sound like creative adjustments.

Thanks for your reply. Yes if he had found me more “endearing” he would have probably strung me along for longer. He did not have the skills or personality to effectively be a “healer” - he was much more “competent” as a judge. (and not even an accurate one most of the time..). Maybe he has evolved into a decent human being, maybe not. I think he probably saw me partly as

Possible trigger:

a test subject and possibly a sex object . He was devoid of love...empty of compassion . His mean words about a friend/acquaintance of mine confirm that... she might not have been the most “interesting patient” ever but she did not deserve his mean words, behind her back. What a creep and how unprofessional . What he said about her was VERY mean, a global judgment. Having said that, she was a crap “friend” in the end and dumped me for no good reason. Maybe he had a point that she was “damaged”

I’m not sure about the other therapist, maybe I didn’t give her much of a chance (“too many defences” as she said )

If I approached another T from a place of curiosity as to what makes them tick as well as it being about me... I might find their words less harmful. But T1 was so far out of his depth with me.. he completely botched it. I hate to think of what he did with/to more “difficult patients” than I was

[Omers]

I’m sorry Fuzzybear. I truly wish I could send my T to your forest. He is kind and gentle and doesn’t judge.

Several years ago I cut my thumb badly while chopping vegetables for dinner. I washed it, put medicine on it and bandaged it. It was pretty serious and should have had stitches but I didn’t have health insurance or the means to pay for a doctor. Anyway, it was a really deep wound and I did my best to keep it clean and protected so that it could heal. Not being a doctor that’s about the best you can do right? Guess what? No matter how much I cleaned, cared for and bandaged it my thumb was still sensitive! I learned just how important thumbs are... by how many “simple” things HURT not to mention harder things!

Why would our emotional self be any different? We do our best to clean out the wounds and protect ourselves but we are still wounded and we are not doctors. Is my heart, my feelings, my soul any less valuable, vital or important than my thumb?

So, in my not so humble opinion... of course we are sensitive and rightly so! We are protecting sensitive wounds that are trying to heal!

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

My therapist is pretty blunt about her experience of me and it is often very hard to hear. She has told me that I am a cold fish, that she has to steel herself to meet me, that therapy with me is challenging, and so on. I am relatively unpleasant, but I don't want to be reminded of it. Of course, the fact that I don't want to be reminded of it is part of my work - to say nothing of the exploration around what prompts me to respond like this to others. I told her recently that it isn't helpful for me to hear these things in this way and that it is just painful. She seemed to understand. I often think that to be in therapy you have to be emotionally robust and literate - ironic given the reasons with which most of us go to therapy.

Maybe your therapists had a point about some of your characteristics and responses. Perhaps you need to find a therapist who can practice more relationally and perhaps that would enable you to work on your defenses. Being too sensitive and unendearing do not sound like faults to me, they sound like creative adjustments.

I had wondered if this brutal honesty is something therapists do on purpose. Is it part of the therapy? I don’t understand why they would be so rude and hurtful to throw your faults in your face in such a mean manner. Why wouldn’t a therapist work with you on your faults in a more kind way. They could have said the same thing in a far less hurtful way. To me, it sounds like the things your therapist said, are things your worst enemy would say to you.

I understand working on our faults. I’m not afraid to confront them. In my case, she said something so disparaging, that there was no good option as a solution other than to accept I am broken. It didn’t make sense to say such a thing to me. Again, only my worst enemy would say such a hurtful thing.

To say Fuzzy was too sensitive and not coping— if it had been broached more gently and slowly, if ‘too sensitive’ had been defined and specific examples given, if it was done more like a discussion between therapist and client with the client defining what is too much and what they want to change, with a calm, slow plan as to how to change... that would be tolerable for high sensitive clients.

The last thing we need is cruel sadists ripping off a bandage and dismissing us.

The professionals who sent me out of their offices hysterically crying and then operating a car without saying one kind thing to let me calm down and wait before driving were grossly negligent IMHO.

I don’t go to those therapists anymore.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Omers

I’m sorry Fuzzybear. I truly wish I could send my T to your forest. He is kind and gentle and doesn’t judge.

Several years ago I cut my thumb badly while chopping vegetables for dinner. I washed it, put medicine on it and bandaged it. It was pretty serious and should have had stitches but I didn’t have health insurance or the means to pay for a doctor. Anyway, it was a really deep wound and I did my best to keep it clean and protected so that it could heal. Not being a doctor that’s about the best you can do right? Guess what? No matter how much I cleaned, cared for and bandaged it my thumb was still sensitive! I learned just how important thumbs are... by how many “simple” things HURT not to mention harder things!

Why would our emotional self be any different? We do our best to clean out the wounds and protect ourselves but we are still wounded and we are not doctors. Is my heart, my feelings, my soul any less valuable, vital or important than my thumb?

So, in my not so humble opinion... of course we are sensitive and rightly so! We are protecting sensitive wounds that are trying to heal!

Good post. Thanks Omers

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I had wondered if this brutal honesty is something therapists do on purpose. Is it part of the therapy? I don’t understand why they would be so rude and hurtful to throw your faults in your face in such a mean manner. Why wouldn’t a therapist work with you on your faults in a more kind way. They could have said the same thing in a far less hurtful way. To me, it sounds like the things your therapist said, are things your worst enemy would say to you.

I understand working on our faults. I’m not afraid to confront them. In my case, she said something so disparaging, that there was no good option as a solution other than to accept I am broken. It didn’t make sense to say such a thing to me. Again, only my worst enemy would say such a hurtful thing.

To say Fuzzy was too sensitive and not coping— if it had been broached more gently and slowly, if ‘too sensitive’ had been defined and specific examples given, if it was done more like a discussion between therapist and client with the client defining what is too much and what they want to change, with a calm, slow plan as to how to change... that would be tolerable for high sensitive clients.

The last thing we need is cruel sadists ripping off a bandage and dismissing us.

The professionals who sent me out of their offices hysterically crying and then operating a car without saying one kind thing to let me calm down and wait before driving were grossly negligent IMHO.

I don’t go to those therapists anymore.

I agree, those “professionals” who were so cruel and dismissive were grossly negligent. IMHO

It’s good you don’t go to them anymore....