[Christina86]

I don't want to go back.

I had my session on Monday. This is bad I can still remember the session and what he said by today - normally I've forgotten, or at least gotten over the emotional response to it.

Not this time.

I was saying how my family was emotionally distant. He goes on to say that I am 'emotionally distant' as well. And that HURT. A lot. I don't think I'm emotionally distant. I mean, I sometimes control my anger/sadness so I can function, but overall - I'm an open-book. If I'm upset, you're going to know it.

I don't know if he's off his rocker... or maybe I am. Or maybe I don't show emotion as much as I should in session. Maybe because I dont always know what I'm feeling he sees that as emotionally distant??

It hurt. I tried to ignore the comment, but I still had to acknowledge it. I said I needed to think about it. Unfortunately, I have and I DONT LIKE IT.

Emotionally distant is not something I'm described as on a regular basis by people. Emotionally volatile, maybe. But distant, no.

... I don't want to go back. He wasn't there to help me through my grandfathers death, my dogs death and to prepare me for my Christmas home with my family. This first session back was useless.

I have another appointment in two weeks. He thinks everything is fine. It isn't. I've had bad thoughts and urges (I've got problems with SI and depression at the moment....) and I didnt get to tell him about it because I was trying to go through the stuff that's happened to me since I last saw him (which was a month!).

I don't like him. I don't hate people, because that's mean. But dammit, I hurt. I dont think I can tell him how it upset me either.

I can't phone him because the way the system works is that I can only talk to him if I'm in crisis and that's only on Monday/Wednesday and only 9-4pm.

ARGH. I am SICK of people calling me names. That's what it boils down to... he doesnt like me anymore. He thinks I'm bad. He thinks I'm screwed up....

BAH.

[krazibean]

well, number one your not alone because it seems a lot of people's sessions have sucked around here recently!!!!! But anyway, you definitely need to explore with him why he thinks your emotionally distant, and why it hurt you so much. i think if he knew you would react this way he never would have said it, or he would have put it differently maybe even to the point that you'd agree with him. I DONT think he hates you, thinks your bad/screwed up or whatever. and i think you know that too. I know you hurt, so you need to express this to him. its very important. maybe you can email him, or write him a letter to give next session. I just did something very similar if you read my recent thread. talk to him. express yourself. garauntee you will feel better. take care, ok?

[tulips30]

I am really sorry that your recent T session upset you so much. I have to agree with Krazi that there seems to be A LOT of that going around right now. I was wondering earlier today if it was partly due to post-holiday stuff & everybody trying to get back in the "groove".

I don't really have any advice that I think would be more helpful than Krazi's, but one line did strike me in your post. You say, "I don't like him". It made me wonder if you are just feeling that way today cause you are hurt & upset or if you generally feel that way a lot about your t. You mention several incidences where you feel he wasn't there for you. If so, that's defiantely an issue that goes beyond your last session. I had to kind of laugh (sarcastically) at how limited you are with the phone calls. Sounds like you have to pencil your "crisis" in on your calendar. The limited availability must be hard to deal with sometimes.

Your post doesn't sound to me like you are emotionally distant at all. You sound very "in touch" with what you are feeling AND able to voice it. I wish I had advice for you. I guess I am feeling some concern about your relationship with your t in general. I hope you are able to express your unhappiness with his comment soon so it doesn't make you feel so shaky & hurt.

tulips

[jacq10]

((((((((((Christina))))))))))

I'm sure he doesn't think you're screwed up. I'm sorry to hear that your session didn't quite go as you would have liked Its hard to go back to something (like T) with such high expectations and then see things go in exactly the opposite way you imagined. Maybe he didn't quite understand what you were trying to say and thats why he saw it as coming across that way? If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't describe you as "emotionally distant" at all.

I know that you're not particularly feeling like going back there, but could you talk to him about how that comment made you feel? How you don't think it was accurate? And then proceed to tell him how you've been FEELING, as oppose to what you'd like to catch up on?

Try and have some patience with him...and don't lose hope yet. From what I know, you two have a pretty good relationship, so try and focus on the potential good that there is in up-coming sessions.

Much love my friend
Jacq

[sunrise]

That sounds really hard, Christina. I can understand why you feel hurt. I have never felt, from your posts, that you are emotionally distant.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I don't think I'm emotionally distant. I mean, I sometimes control my anger/sadness so I can function, but overall - I'm an open-book.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think there's a big difference between emotionally distant and contained. Maybe your T misspoke and meant "contained", not "distant." What does "emotionally distant" even mean??? I think of it more as meaning the person isn't in touch with their emotions and may not even experience them. Whereas "contained" is feeling the emotions but holding them in check so others don't see.

I hope you will tell T you do not believe he is right when he says you are emotionally distant. My T and I have had some good interactions when I tell him how my perceptions of things differ from his interpretations.

[Christina86]

Hey everyone...

So I just wanted to say I managed to talk to another T and discuss how I really felt about his comment .

It was... interesting. It's times like these that I like this other T more, but she's only around for 4 more months, so I kinda don't want to switch just for things to end. Make sense?

Anyways... she got me to see that she thought he didn't mean "distant" but that I had trouble identifying the emotions when I go through them. That when people ask me how I'm feeling, that it really isn't indepth, and that I can't identify past emotions for important events. Like that part of me is cut off from the rest of me. I guess I'm the kind of person to not think about where I'm at emotionally, but do what needs to be done (like cry) and then put a lid on the feelings and ignore them until they go away. Not the same as the rest of my family though... they're distant, and extreme emotional bottlers.

She also got me to see that maybe my hating T and not wanting to go back was part of my control issues again and recognize it's part of my pattern to try to distance myself from people if they get too close.

She's going to talk to me for another half an hour tomorrow about my problems with "emotions" and I'll see how that goes.

Thanks ((((((((((everyone))))))))))) for your support.

[Perna]

I work very hard not to be hurt by what other people see in me; it's their opinion/view. It's the only information we get on how other people see us, our only mirrors of what we look like from out there. If I don't like it, I try to remember it's just information from that one person and that I know who I am and am trying to become and that's the most important fact.

See if you can discuss this "interesting information" with your T as if it is about someone else. Yes it is about you and hard not to take critically/personally but as my stepmother use to say after I was grown, "it's not a criticism, it's just an observation." I wish she'd had that viewpoint when I was a child.