[ECHOES]

What if you wanted to or had to move, and it meant leaving your therapist?

Would you stay, or would you go?

[(JD)]

OOO good question. Some people often have fantasies about moving "away from everything" but then come to their senses and realize they would still be there with their struggles. Even after asking yourself,and your T, many questions, the decision is still a tough one, imo.

How long did it take you to find your T? How long did it take to build a trusting relationship? Are you basically finished with the heavy therapy so you won't have to discuss "your entire life" with a new T? Are you at a place in your life that you feel you can make a move without falling apart or needing T to "hold your hand" while you get settled in? What are the payoffs of moving? What are the minuses to losing or changing therapists/therapy styles?

There have been many patients who "follow" their doctor when the doctor moves, even out of State, they consider that relationship so important to their health. Continuity of care is very important.

[Mouse_]

At this moment in time I would choose not to go anywhere that I wouldnt be able to see my current T. But if it was a move that was being forced upon me for whatever reason then I'd have to accept that life takes some strange turns and who knows what this move holds instore for me.

[ECHOES]

Sky,

Yeah, I have done the "geographical solution" many times. This is my latest one, a move I made almost 5 years ago. This time something good came of it--T. This is "the one". lol I feel that even though I've only been with her for 10 months and have only very recently opened up and followed my own often-given advice of "letting it happen, just go and talk about anything and everything". I just made that shift since the holiday break. It was over the holidays that I decided I trust her enough to do that and that I could risk saying more than I had been. I've been resisting and holding back, so it seems like it's just getting good.

I've felt a pull to return to where I came nearly since I got here. The truth is, even though I can say I want to go 'back', it doesn't exist because time changes things so my mental vision of 'back' is what was, not what is. It isn't there anymore.

I really don't like where I am. But I do love my T and I don't think I could leave her. I can't imagine ever leaving her. But I don't like where I am, so round and round I go.

I'm thinking of a minor move instead. Out of the disorganized place this city is and to a smaller town, which just happens to be nearer to T :-) who (I asked) has been at her current location for 12 years and in the general area even longer. I have no idea if it is still some kind of geographical solution going on or if a move to a more familiar feeling area would help me with missing where I came from.

Round and round. I'm getting dizzy!

[ECHOES]

Thank you Mouse.

I don't want to leave T. I feel like it's just beginning to become what I need it to be. I want to stay here because T is here.

Being foreced to move and leave T would be so hard. I like that you feel you could not only accept it but could welcome the change with curiosity. I don't think I could be that strong. And in fact, I have felt fallen apart since my move here. But I would have never found T so that's one wonderful thing to come of it.

[Mouse_]

Echoes, oh I wouldnt be that strong either, as I say its only if I had no choice in having to move would I save myself by seeing it as an opportunity, believe me I'd be on my knees if I had too.

[Perna]

Been there, done that :-) It was not pretty. I was changing jobs and moving from my home of 13 years and had been seeing my therapist for 9 years! I was leaving all my friends and moving an hour north to be near my new boyfriend (now husband :-)

I shut down my "depth" for 2-3 years, couldn't get past the surface me. It was like my unconscious was holding a convention and I wasn't invited, like Dorothy being locked out of the tornado shelter. Everything was "fine" but there was no Me like I was use to, it was very weird and sometimes distressing.

I went back to seeing that T 9 years later and eventually got to talk a bit about that period when I'd had to terminate because I was moving and what the 9 years had been like. It was traumatic talking about it! I hadn't realized that it was now "safe" to feel about it because I was back seeing her and I felt with a vengence :-)

[(JD)]

I guess you really do have to create a balance sheet, pros of staying on one side, cons of staying on the other side.

WHY do you not like where you are? (Don't tell me, but research it.) You do sound as though some of it is what life is all about: change. You're right in that you can't go "back" in many ways, and some of what you are feeling is just that: feeling and longing for things when they were maybe better?

I decided that I will be just as unhappy or happy wherever I live, no matter what. It's up to my perspective. With that understood, I look at what I have now: a great support team IRL, with status quo on insurance authorizations, and realize, that yes, it's up to me to make where I am now "work" the best for me.

[ECHOES]

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It was like my unconscious was holding a convention and I wasn't invited

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Perna, you have a wonderful way with words

I didn't realize that your break in therapy happened that way . Wow--so you traded T for hubby. Whew! Anaylze THAT!

Thank you very much for sharing this. And I'm so glad you and T were able to reunite!

[ECHOES]

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it's up to me to make where I am now "work" the best for me.

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yep . And that's what I wonder about. if I'm resisting that, avoiding it, and looking outward when I should be looking inward. (I think the answer is "D: All of the above") :-)

I think it's a mighty defense. If I make it so that I like it 'here' or I like 'me' here, then I lose that defense.

I think I can move 'up the road' though I still dislike this region, and also work on the 'me' here at the same time; for me I think they are enmeshed, intertwined.

Thank you Sky!

[MissCharlotte]

Echoes,

If I had a choice I would not move now because I am in the middle of the "heavy stuff" (as Sky says) and would suffer too deeply from a disruption right now.

I think it is okay to want to change where you live, if you don't like it. Can you think about where you came from and make a list of things you loved about it? That might help you to choose a new location. (closer to T is awesome!)

Can't it just be that you want to live in a nicer place?

[ECHOES]

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Can't it just be that you want to live in a nicer place?


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Yeah I think it can be, but I think if I really look closely at it, it's more than that.... it's magical thinking at work also.

Yes, recreating some of "there" to have "here" is what I hope to do if I move. Accepting "here" as it is, is good too. I guess I just want to feel 'home' again. sigh.

((((Echoes))))
I hope you find a place that feels like home to you It must be difficult to be in a place in which you don't feel comfortable. Closer to T sounds like a good idea

I would absolutely, positively STAY! If everyone else moved, I would just have to pitch a tent in the small yard on the side of his office to live. I could put it where he could see it when he looks out his window. I'm sure he would love that!

i am facing that choice.. not immediately but in the reasonably near future. Do i want to do my master's degree? If yes, i have to move. i don't want to move, not just because of T, but i guess he is the "icing" on the cake. i'm considering some short term out of town residencies and stuff and he is a factor for me. i don't mind say 6 weeks away, but that would probably be the max i could even consider. Then i think about that and i do not like having my decisions revolve around anyone but me. Hmmm.

[Perna]

Yes, we did analyze the leaving therapist (mother(s)) for husband. It gets very complicated :-) During the break with her I dreamed about her approximately every 6 months for the first 3-4 years and until the second to last dream (7 or 8?) it was always horrible and I'd wake crying because I'd dream I was supposed to have a session with her but we had to cancel. Once it was because of a snow storm and we got a moment together outside by a car (getting something from out of a trunk) and another time she was disappointed in me because I had "failed" and was going to have to see her again (in the future). Really sad dreams.

But the second to last dream I was talking to her on the telephone and told her I loved her. It was a wonderful dream/feeling. . . until I woke up (long before I knew I would meet her again). Since I'd moved/lost touch with her and she lived in Virginia and I had moved up and was working in Baltimore I never suspected we'd ever meet again. Getting to see her again (not easy) was one of THE big things in my life.

[ECHOES]

(((( Perna ))))) that must have been so hard, missing her so much. (You must have one GREAT hubby! )

It's so amazing how it worked out that you were able to see her again after moving away and losing touch with her! You've said how you saw her for many years, then had a long break before seeing her again. I had no idea it was a kind of traumatic break (or it seems that way to me anyway).

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Getting to see her again (not easy) was one of THE big things in my life.

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I can imagine !!

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But the second to last dream I was talking to her on the telephone and told her I loved her. It was a wonderful dream/feeling. . .

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How wonderful to experience.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

[Perna]

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ECHOES said:
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But the second to last dream I was talking to her on the telephone and told her I loved her. It was a wonderful dream/feeling. . .

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How wonderful to experience.

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Yes, it was wonderful when I dreamt it but man, talk about embarrassing to have to tell her later!!!!

My worst ever dream I had to tell her though I think was when I dreamt I had my head in her lap and she was stroking it. She was matter-of-fact about lots of embarrassing things and that was great but if they were about her, the terror of anticipating her reaction was so bad it was hard to pay attention to what the reaction actually was. That and I'd imply stuff (or think I had) without actually saying it outright and then she'd be confused and I'd have to get very direct to correct my mistake.

At least the therapy process works; I'm living proof of that. I didn't die of embarrassment or shame and can (sometimes) be direct and look at the person I'm talking to at the same time! I don't feel a need very often anymore of that trap door in the floor/ground to swallow me up either :-)

No way.

No elaboration needed, lol.