Couch 221: Definitely Spam!

Might go grocery shopping tonight so I don't have to do it this weekend. We'll see how cold it is when I get off of work.

I had this weird dream that the couchies got together and someone was interviewing someone famous so we were all in group and i kept asking SD who it was and she kept saying i dontbknow either. Anyway the person arrived and it looked like the small blonde actress in a movie i cant recall and SD was still clueless. Anyway someone sat at the computer to record the interview and complained that they couldnt work it because it was a mac and SD had to begrudgingly go down to help. Oh everyone had flowers as hats big flowers.

Jodie Forster the actress looked like Jodie Foster sort of.

Hugs Kitty my mum was like that too it is worrying

Thanks!

Your dream was better than mine. I dreamt pres trump was darth vader.

Today was hard. I'm going to curl up in the corner and just vibe.

Oh I know! The last couple years I've been doing the christmas in july thing with my friend, her stepdad works for the charity that hosts it, and she and I have done all the shopping (using the money from the charity). It's SO much fun to just go crazy on the sales we find and buy all the cool toys we can find at discounted prices. And some of the stores give an additional 20% discount so we have found some super good deals. She laughs at me in EVERY store because I'm over there pushing all the buttons, pulling all the levers, having the childhood I didn't get cuz none of these cool toys existed in the 1960's haha! she says it's like shopping with her daughter ha. Because of covid we didn't get to do it this year, which was a bummer.

I had a really enjoyable session with L a little bit ago. I brought in that notebook I dug out last night, and we read through a few of the dreams. It was fun and also I had to stop in utter amazement more than a couple times as it became very obvious just how far I have come since our first session 9 years ago yesterday (i better have after all that time huh) Besides dreams I also did other writings in it and as I was reading through one of them I was like wow, this sounds like a 15 year old. I guess I very much WAS that age emotionally when we started. I'm so glad I found that notebook!

I have had this odd feeling lately that I like the messed-up, suffering me of a few years back more than I like the current me (less messed-up, less suffering).

I’m finding it very irritating.

that's an interesting dream! i like whenever i dream about y'all, it's cool cuz I always know who is who even though I don't know what most of you look like. I suppose in my dreams, you guys just look like I imagine you look. I hope my flower hat was yellow!

Thinking back on the dream i was like a child asking SD the same wuestion over and over and my ExTs initials are SD so i am thinking this more about him than anything else. I am sure your hat was yellow.

Pictures from the mountains:

Scootch over, I’ll join you. I’ve got snacks and a couple cozy blankets.

Gorgeous photos, Chihiro! Thanks for sharing.

I had coffee and a s’more for breakfast because I am an Adult, and I can eat what I damn well please

Now I want a s'more too! but I guess I'll settle for oatmeal.

I had chocolate toffees for breakfast. Don't regret anything.

I hope there's room for three. I had to deposit a wailing, flailing ToddlerManatee at school today. She doesn't quite have the verbal capacity to tell me that I'm the worst parent ever and she hates me, but her scathing indictment was somehow crystal clear anyway.

(I'll be fine, she'll be fine, but it still doesn't feel very good in the moment, especially when I already had a headache before the screaming started.)

I had really bad separation anxiety when I was in preschool. I vaguely remember parts of it. For some reason, I was terrified the parent who always dropped me off wouldn't come back or she would disappear and cease to exist. She worked at the school and would come see me at lunchtime and I remember soothing myself with that knowledge. I think by the time lunchtime came around, I was usually over it. Anyway, there were lots of tears and apparently I wet my pants every single day in my meltdowns, but I don't remember that part. I don't remember feeling angry at the parent, just a sort of all-encompassing terror.

Me too. My mother has told me that I got kicked out of my first nursery because I couldn't settle. Still remember one moment with my mother trying to leave the room after I had been distracted.

Then it was the same thing when my mother tried to leave me when she was doing a learning course, but they said they couldn't take me either. I would cry every day at school during lunchtime until I was 7.

Don't be too hard on yourself about your toddler being upset. I think these last few months, particularly if you may have been home more often - if she's been in school/daycare less regularly, have unsettled quite a few little ones (and not so little ones). Even my high schoolers are rather "off" right now.

My kids were always off and running without hardly saying goodbye to us - they LOVED daycare. That can produce the opposite thinking: "They aren't missing me." LOL. That really wasn't it; they just loved being at "Nana's house" (not a relative, just an older grandmotherly type babysitter) or at daycare.

My sister's daughter used to throw a fit about being left, and my sister felt badly about it until the teachers let her know that as soon as she was out of sight, she was perfectly fine - she always was a rather manipulative little bugger. LOL.

I just heard today that my cousin and her sister's daughter both have covid currently. My cousin is doing better, but the daughter is struggling and spent some time in the hospital. She's back home now. I'm not keeping count anymore about how many people I know who've had it. It's too depressing.

I cant even imagine! I remember being maybe 3 years old - i know i was talking - and i was trying to get my mother kicked out of the house for being mean to me. I explained to my dad, "you got rid of the boarder, just tell HER to move out too!" My dad was like, shes not a boarder, shes part of the family. I was like, yeah well not to me, apparently.

That is very weird to me, that i didnt know she was part of the family.

I wonder what you guys were thinking about being left at school? I remember walking home from kindergarten by myself.

Eta - wow, i still dont know anybody who has it. Maybe they dont announce it on facebook, idk.

She was angry about all manner of sins I committed at home, not about being left at daycare. The cherry on the perfidious top was when I had the absolute gall to strap her into her carseat. She actually calmed down when the daycare aide came to get her (parents aren't allowed in the building right now due to COVID). She loves her teachers and all the activities because we both know I can't keep up with her at home. (They paint so I don't have to!)