Couch 221: Definitely Spam!

Maybe just go with flow for now?

See how you feel later on.

profiteroles - are those like cream puffs? if so i have a really good recipe. i haven't made them in a long time though. i used to make them for my old team at work a few years ago and they loved 'em.

Really like the way you thought about this.
Much love

I liked the Queen's Gambit a lot, but I tend to enjoy that kind of main character. It was kinda predictable in the end. Better than a lot of TV shows, IMO.

I got a check for $100 in the mail from my college, apparently they're rebating partial tuition because of having to do everything virtually. I was not expecting this little surprise and it will pay for one therapy session!

Do you really need synchronised swimming santas in an ad?

Yes like cream puffs but with custard instead of cream and choc icing on top

oh yum!! that sounds even better than the ones I make! mine have powdered sugar on top.

H and I were browsing Netflix and agreed upon The Queen's Gambit. We're only on the first episode but I'm enjoying it thus far.

Trying to yank myself back on track today, and having decent results!

Cleaned up my bedroom, which had become a mess in my depressive state. Hit 25,000 words in my NaNo novel (should have hit it yesterday but the lost-in-the-mountains incident slowed me down), and also finished a Couch to 5k running plan (it took waaay more than he 8 weeks it was supposed to, but hey, at least I did it!).

I still don’t feel great, but I am proud that I’m managing to Do Stuff even though I feel like crap.

Ugh. Terrible therapy hangover. Talked about dating, which is always awful. Got into this wretched discussion where T was trying delicately to ask me if maybe the reason I'm having so much trouble dating is b/c I'm attracted to guys who are out of my league, which made me feel like he was saying that he finds me unattractive but of course he can't tell me either way because both answers are highly problematic and it was just so horrific and he felt guilty for even bringing it up but now I'm just totally miserable and dizzy and panicky and I hate it. And I can't just collapse into bed like I want to because I have to interview residency candidates.

ETA: the worst part is that he's seen pictures of the last few guys I've dated (at his request) so he knows what they look like, and must think that I'm too ugly for them

Is it possible he is asking you if YOU think they are out of your league?

I used to have very poor self-concept related to my appearance, and I definitely felt certain guys were out of my league. I honestly never got over it until my husband asked me out and we ended up . . . well, engaged to be married. He, in my mind, would have been the "type" to be "out of my league" - athletic, ravishly handsome - why would he be interested in someone as plain as me?

I think asking for pictures and making comments about "leagues" is juvenile at best and psychologically damaging at worst. This dude is doing you a terrible disservice as a therapist. He's over-involved in the worst possible way.

I have to say that I agree with this. I would certainly think that a therapist would know that "leagues" is not an appropriate thing to talk about. Unless he meant what Artley said, where it's a case where maybe *you* don't think you deserve them. But that's not the sense I get from what you posted.

ETA: It also seems odd that he's asking to see photos of them? I've wanted to share photos of various people with Dr. T, and he's often seemed reluctant or unsure how it will help (well, he's been open to photos of D and met H in person briefly--guess he "met" D on Zoom once, too). But I'd feel weird about the photo requests. And there's only so much you can tell about someone by their photo--you'd think a therapist should realize that!

chihiro, I am infuriated with your therapist on your behalf. Why would he even go there? What is he doing?

hugs to all who want. i wasted my lunch break playing a stupid facebook game haha! oh well it was fun

I have shown my therapist several photos of people, but she has never asked to see one. That seems like the key difference. And she has never commented on anybody's attractiveness, although admittedly that has never been relevant to anything. (It would be weird for her to be like, "Ooh, your alcoholic father was smoking hot when you were a toddler!")

We've seen YOUR picture. Seriously, from what ive read here, these guys are out of YOUR league. But your family is also out of your league, arent they? My family was always pushing me to play dumb. That is so unempowering, so unsupportive.

Exactly. Dr. T met my H briefly, and he made no comment at all on his attractiveness or appearance in general. (H, meanwhile, made a couple comments later regarding Dr. T and how firm his handshake was.)

Had a good appointment with T on Saturday. She said she had missed me (it had been a month) and I didn't really respond and she said, "No really, I missed you." Like to reiterate it. And I don't know. That touched something deep inside of me. We set up two crisis plans for Thanksgiving. Just in case.

Got my Christmas tree and my nativity up this weekend. I need to wrap some presents now to put under the tree! Plus I've been stacking them all on the guest bed and my Mom's like where am I supposed to put mine once I go shopping? Hmm.

I sent the owner of the company that I work for an email asking her why the need to switch payroll providers. I said it in a very nice way. (Can you help me "buy into" this new plan? Or can we reexamine the need to switch providers?) Etc. Now I wait. Ultimately it is her company and she can do what she wants. I understand it will save us a little money in the end but I did a pro and cons list and the money is the only con that I came up with while I came up with five or six good reasons for staying with the payroll service we use now. I didn't even list my anxiety as a reason not to switch! Good for me!!!

When I logged back into work after lunch I got pulled to take calls. Bah!! I'm on break now and i went earlier than i usually do because it has been not good. calls are back to back and this one lady just screamed and yelled and called me names and would NOT listen to my solution to her problem and finally hung up on me when I refused to get pulled into her hysterics. Why do people get even MORE pissy than they already are when you refuse to get into a shouting match with them?! I'm having wine for dinner tonight and I don't care that I have class.

I'm about to finish my 2nd glass of wine since I got off work. Oh class is going to be fun tonight. I might better type in the chat "I think my microphone's not working" like at least 2 people do EVERY class period anyway so I don't get called on to read.


I tried to find out from my professor what the actual points breakdown is for the class as far as how many points I need to pass, but I guess the way I asked the question didn't come across right because she didn't answer it. All she said was what my grade is right now and that she doesn't anticipate me getting a bad grade. I want to know how many total points I need to get a C, so I don't have to keep stressing myself out doing every single thing that's assigned!! But I didn't want to come right out and ASK it that way because I'd have to admit my reason.... guess I need to tell the good little girl to shut the f up and and just ask her what I want to know, huh....

and mercy!! our assignment for this week that's due Sunday we have to read 4 freaking journal articles for our 400 word essay. How am I supposed to cram 4 articles worth of answers into a freaking 400 word essay?! Yeesh.


I know I know.... Artie, Artie, Artie, ***** and moan, ***** and moan, what're you gonna do have puppies?

I'm in a lovely mood this evening aren't I? Taking calls all afternoon does that to me. It's like I absorb all the ignorant attitudes from the people that yell at me. Maybe I should go take a hot shower and try to wash it off me or something.

I would not answer a student who asked me that. First - we have a mandatory curve so I could not say with specificity, second it would rub me the wrong way, and third I do my best to get people who seem overly focused on grades to drop my class.