Couch 222: Create, Cooperate, Harmonize

On New Year's Resolutions

I hate the feeling of not being okay but being okay enough to not be in crisis. I think that is where I am at today. I haven't taken any anxiety medications, which might actually help but I've taken them two days in a row so I am trying not to today. It's times like these where I wish I could email current T but she doesn't do emails only texts or phone calls. It isn't something I think I can verbalize but maybe I can write it out and then shorten it to text length.


I'm still feeling sort of self destructive but not as much as yesterday and the hallucinations/delusions seem to be gone. I talked a lot to my pastor's wife and that helped.

I totally relate to the INFJ anyway. I had to stop watching the news this year.

The local paper has a fill in the blank list to help you make New Year’s resolutions. Like, where will you go on vacation, what habit will stay in 2020.

My favorite is “I will eat more of ______.” I think I see a flaw there, or the list was not intended for people like me who would say “cake.”

I would likely want to say "peanut m&m's"

I have a bag here in my pantry right now that is screaming at me loudly but I have it in my mind that I am fasting today and tomorrow to usher out this blech-y year.

I usually test as INFP, but tend to be close to the border of INFJ. The descriptions for both spoke to me, trouble watching the news lately and being sad that people will eventually leave my life.

I started intermittent fasting again yesterday and hope to stick with it next year. I'm spending a small fortune eating lunch out every week, and my waistline proves it. My appetite was pretty compliant yesterday, fingers crossed it doesn't give me fits, or I'll quit again. Hugs for the couchies who need one!

it's cold here (for us anyway) 49 degrees F. we're supposed to get our new window in like a week or two - finally - I can't even remember when we ordered it now must have been october or november. our bedroom window has been broken since we bought the house and we've just dealt with the cold coming in every winter. i'm glad it will be replaced soon!!

Ooh, that reminds me - I think I still have some chai tea - I'm gonna go make a cup to warm up.

Has anyone watched "The Good Place"? Dr. T recommended it to me today. I was talking about rewatching TV shows as a coping method (because I know what to expect), and he said how they'd just rewatched that. He asked if I liked "smart comedies." I mentioned Frasier. He said it was funny I'd mentioned that, because the original bartender from Cheers is on "The Good Place." Neither of us could pull his name, but as soon as I signed off, I was like, "Ted Danson!" He also mentioned "The Queen's Gambit," which I know has been discussed on here.

I just ate gingerbread stars and a piece of fudge for breakfast.
The only errand I have to do today is to run to the craft store for a skein of embroidery floss.
I slept over eight hours for the fourth night in a row.

I should go on vacation more often. Or permanently. (Who cares about grad school and bills????)

I’ve had The Good Place on my list for a while, because Kristen Bell and hot old Ted Danson, but haven’t gotten to it yet. Also it sounds original.

Queen’s Gambit...if you’re looking for predictable and formulaic but with chess, that might work.

I enjoyed The Good Place. It was funny and clever and pretty original.

Thanks, @@ and WFS. I'll check it out! No idea whether to trust Dr. T's taste in TV shows, so figured I'd ask for other opinions. I mean, no harm in trying to watch an episode or two, see if it takes, I guess.

I thought so too!

Watch Curb Your Enthusiasm if you are into this kind of humor. I can watch it 100 times and it never gets old

The reason I thought of it as Ted Danson is in the Curb playing himself, well they all play themselves. He is really deliberately obnoxious there lol

On the other hand it’s not particularly predictable but it never fails to be absolutely hilarious

I've seen some of Curb, maybe first few seasons? So maybe I should catch up with the rest of it. I was a Seinfeld fan.

I keep feeling like someone/something is behind me. Creepy. Maybe because I am in the office all by myself.

Yesterday a demon was bothering me. I don't know if it was a hallucination, a delusion, or real. Then it went away. Today it's back. But it's different than yesterday. And I don't feel so self destructive. That's positive at least. I'm trying to write out what I need to tell T and Pdoc but I haven't gotten very far. Then they will ask me and I'll be all, everything's fine. When it most obviously isn't.

Hugs, Kit, that sounds scary. When do you see pdoc and T again? Writing it down seems like a good idea.

It was too much like homework for me. And too many explosions, even if they were ice cream and confetti.

I finally played a game on my switch lite, something called Slay the Spire. I haven’t figured out the finer points yet, but it’s fun.

I used to be in the empty basement of building. There may have been people on other floors. I guess there were, i had to go to the main floor to use a bathroom. That was around 2000. I dont think id like that now.

Thanks LT. It IS scary.


I see Pdoc via telehealth on 1/6 and I see T on 1/9. I was supposed to see T 1/2 but someone at my work *may* have Covid and so I cancelled with her because I don't want to expose her if I have been exposed. Which I'm not even sure if I have been exposed and not even sure if he has it but it kind of seems like he has the symptoms and I was in his cubicle for 2 minutes, with a mask on though.


But I might need to call T before then if this demon thing keeps up. Sucky thing is I don't really think she can help but she is at least calming. Pdoc might want to change some meds or something.


But then of course there's the scary possibility that it is real and not in my head! no T or medication can help that! So in which case, I've been talking to Pastor T's wife. Trying to cover all my bases. And a coworker is thinking good thoughts for me. Not sure if that will help but she made me feel better about something else so that was nice.


Just not really sure what to do with this demon guy hanging around. Ugh.


At least today I'm not so self destructive feeling and at least I didn't act on any of that yesterday. I did leave a sort of telling FB post and a bunch of people were like you okay? But I didn't want to be like oh yeah, fine just seeing a demon. I'm sure that wouldn't have gone over well. At least here on MSF (formerly PC) I can be myself and say what is going on with me without fear of being judged.

Last season came out recently after a long break.

That's really scary, but you're doing a good job reaching out to your support network and staying safe. I've never had delusions but does it help to remind yourself that the demon isn't real? I know you're by yourself, but if anyone else was around, they wouldn't be able to see or hear it. Best wishes for you Kit, you are so kind and helpful here, I hope you get the same feeling from us.