Couch 225: 2+2=5, Sheeple!

You are braver than me.

Hugs. Yup, it helped to slow down and then her book recommendation to break the plateau revealed hidden fragmention and basically alters started showing up from hiding. Before that I thought my child alter was just the standard metaphorical inner child. Now I have to deal with all manner of dissociative intrusions and am in the process of seeking an OSDD-1 or DID diagnosis from my psychiatrist.

I did email T about how her comment on plateauing is really stressing me out. I already have massive problems relaxing, I work very hard etc. Plus as the only known adult in my dissociative system, I'm caring for trauma holders stuck in "trauma time", while having my own trauma, plus trying to juggle daily life, my survivor group, trying to earn money etc.

T replied saying she meant that plateaus are part of therapy (my memory is terrible so I only remembered the upsetting comment), and that I can talk about my alters' concerns. That helps.

Still scared I guess because she's been very firm that she'll only work through me as I'm the adult host. That she won't work directly with alters.

Which I respect but I cannot control "switching"... I literally don't know how because I'm new to everything! So I'm afraid I'd switch into another alter and she'll tell them to "go back inside, I want to talk to QM only" and I'll be unable to.

Hugs. Good job

Go see a derm. The leeches have spoken.

I havent seen my gp for ages and i rang for an appointment and i got transferred to a call centre who couldnt access the computer so she gave the name of a booking app which i i downloaded and tried to register but it doesnt seem to like my ipad as it stopped working after i pressed register so i downloaded it again on my phone but it crashed 3 times before i told me i was already registered so after many reinstalls i finally got logged in and tried to book 3 available appointments which were then unavailable. I finally got one after much frustration. I used to work for another arm of this company and its organisation sucks more bosses than workers.

This app will mean i can bypass the some of the incompetent receptionists who cant transfer calls properly. Or get my name wrong.

Maybe you could make another appointment?

That sounds rather painful and a risk for infection. It would be better to get it removed properly.

Maybe you could join orgs that don't require money- sounds simplistic to say but what about volunteering at a food bank? A walking or a online book group?

I'm sorry your T put you through all of that and pushed you out without real closure. There's no excuse for his behaviour. Maybe you could write a letter and reply to it as he would have.

I know you've worked with T for a long time, but maybe there is another T who also has DID training. Maybe the alters need to have their space to talk as well? If you can't control it yet it just seems to add an extra layer of stress for you. Or maybe you could also journal and see what they want to say?

There are occ health and safety issues with my disability i have tried before. There might be some different ones around i kight try again.

Bob's Burgers reference!

That sounds like something I would do. But I also have a jr surgeon kit from amazon.

Is that like a skin tag? If so I agree with una, go see a dermatologist. I had a couple of them on my neck and I finally got tired of clothes and jewelry catching on them (which would make them hurt) so I went to a derm and had them cut off. She numbed the area first then cut them off with very sharp, sterile scissors. I told her that I had been tempted to cut them off myself with nail clippers and she said oh, no, I'm glad you didn't try that, that's just asking for infection.


And I bet it would hurt like holy heck too.

So I did get a quick response (5 days is quick)--acceptance this time.

Now I need to withdraw all my other submissions, but those are ones I sent in late December, i.e., probably weren't going anywhere fast anyway.

Woohoo! Congrats!

My mom gave me a recipe that she said is awesome, she has been making them regularly, for light brioche buns. I got the laundry started so now I'm going to go bake!

Congrats!!!

Yay congrats!

Super proud of you. Couch party!!!

The brioche dough is now rising. That was fun, putting it together. While I've made many a loaf of bread in the past, I mostly use the same old family recipe that's simple and boring but delicious, I've never mixed the yeast with water, milk, and sugar and watched it while it got foamy before! Chemistry, haha. It was neat.

Congratulations, ATAT! You've worked really hard on that one.

Awesome blossom!

Today in things I've said in therapy: "I guess I'm trying to be optimistic about being optimistic. That's a very me thing to say, isn't it?" Dr. T (smiling): "Yep, here we are." (Was in response to his saying earlier in session that I'd seemed more optimistic the past few weeks, like thinking about my career and creative pursuits, like with writing.)

Also, ATAT, you got a mention in session today.

Here's my first attempt at brioche buns. Next time I make them I'm going to get fancier and make each one from 3 separate doughballs in a cupcake pan or something haha. But they are delicious, anyway.

They look tasty!

ATAT congratulations