Couch 225: 2+2=5, Sheeple!

I just got an email that a concert we'd bought tickets for before the pandemic (Foreigner), that was pushed out and then put on indefinite hold, has now been cancelled and a refund is being sent to our credit card. It's just as well, since they've had our money for over a year!

Aw, that sucks. We had tickets to one concert (The National) from last summer where we had the option to get a refund, get a gift card to the venue, or donate it to the venue. I hadn't actually been to that venue before, and they were fairly expensive ticket, so I got a refund. For another concert (New Order and Pet Shop Boys) that was supposed to be last September, they rescheduled it to this coming September, so I kept the tickets. It's an outdoor venue, so I really hope it still happens.

Pretend it isn't happening and just move on seems like terrible advice. He ignored your boundaries (again!) and she's enabling it by telling you to overlook his inappropriate behavior and keep working with him. I don't understand what would make him panic, and regardless, a therapist who can get panicky about their client and then throw good judgment out the window is kind of scary.

I hope it goes well, Chihiro, but I'd be feeling very uncertain, too. He clearly did give you an ultimatum. And I feel like you do need to talk through what happened in order to move forward (that's how I am, anyway) rather than just sweeping it under the rug.

That's a really good question: What was there was for him to panic about?

It sounds like is the psychiatrist saying he panicked, not the therapist himself, but if that’s accurate as to his POV, I agree, what is he panicking about?

His answer would probably be something like he’s concerned for chihiro’s mental health, but I think the real danger to that in this situation was the therapist himself.

Chihiro, you can choose to move on if that’s what you want, but me personally, I would need an apology and some sense the therapist understood the damage they had done and had thought about how they could adjust their approach before I did that. I mean, there’s mistakes and then there’s throwing down gauntlets.

Hope it goes/went well.

I would not accept an apology from this guy - I would not trust it. It would be like my cat apologizing to the dead bird's family - it would be insincere and probably "I am sorry you are upset I ate Bill the Bird" rather than "I am sorry I was an idiot and will stop trying to control you" - and even then I would not believe he meant it. Even a therapist is usually able to come up with a lie

Its the difference betwwen want and need if i had needed chocolate i would have just gone and got it. I have other sweeties in the house so i dont really need it.

Well, that was a colossal bust. Psychiatrist made it sound like T had budged a little but he absolutely had not. Eff the both of them.

I texted my BF trying to explain why I am sad about this, and I don’t feel like he gets it. (How could he; he’s a pretty reserved guy who could never open up to a therapist.) I’m okay with him not getting it, but then he said, “don’t be sad” which is just the dumbest thing in the face of the earth to say to someone who is sad.

Now I’m all spinning out and worried that BF will break up with me when I tell him the extent of my mental health stuff and then I’ll be T-less and BF-less to boot and then I’ll just be so so so sad.

Got home from my session a little big ago, 'twas a really good one. Another one of those that the time goes by super fast. I told her (quite animatedly, I was excited) a little about the workshop last weekend, and then we did some dream work which took most of the session since I had brought in 9 dreams (had one last night too!) Lots of good material to work with. It amazes me that we could discuss 9 whole dreams in less than an hour. Then again my dreams have really changed since October, they're shorter, less chaotic, and single-subject now. Also, this going down to twice a month is working out really well, I think.

I'm so sorry c. I was sure hoping that it would go better than it sounds like it did.

Ah, I'm sorry it went so poorly. I know from personal experience that therapists can be stubborn buttheads when you're mired in an impasse.

Your boyfriend sounds maybe a little clueless and not adept at providing emotional support (not something anybody is born knowing, to be fair!). My wife is well-adjusted in a way that means she will never truly understand some of my background/therapy stuff, but good partners learn about each other and why they feel a certain way about things. You have the good judgment to roll your background out in an understandable way, slowly over time. If he's worth having around, he will recognize that as a part of you, not a sign that you're defective.

So sorry @chihirochild I was hoping that T would have been better at handling the situation and more willing to understand he was out of line. Try not to spin too far my dear.

Okay yeah I’m spinning. Eff eff eff eff eff.

HUGS @chihirochild

Ugh, I'm sorry your T sucked.

As for your BF, I feel like someone who hasn't experience these sorts of feelings doesn't realize how unhelpful "don't be sad" can be (along with "It will be OK" or "things could be much worse," etc.). He probably just doesn't know what to say and wants to fix your sadness (stereotypical, but guys tend to want to fix things vs. just listen). Maybe tell him you just need him to listen and be there with you while you're sad? Say what could help, like, if you're seeing him in person, do you want him to hold you (maybe without any other thing happening)?

He probably doesn't really understand about the T thing. H never really seemed to understand about the ex-MC attachment. I think it's a difficult thing to explain unless someone has experienced attachment like that to someone (not necessarily a T), just how overwhelming the emotions can be. And how it's likely tapping back into stuff from your past. I hope he's able to support you and help you through it, even if he doesn't know the right things to say.

And you can always post on here, too. And feel free to PM me as well.

Thanks y’all

The funny thing is that the BF is really good and patient when I can’t get work out of my head and have to talk out whatever nonsense went down at the hospital that day (in a HIPAA-compliant fashion, of course). So maybe he can learn to do that about other stuff?

I hired two therapists and I still don't understand most of what people on here talk about in regards to them

So like the Couch title, 2 + 2 = 5 in therapist land?

Generally, no one is ever going to perfectly understand or be understood by someone else, however close they are. That’s true of us here about other people, too. As for learning—I never put my money on other people changing. I prefer to be pleasantly surprised.

I did not pay much attention to math or psych in school - I took the required amount, got my B, and never looked back. In fact I hated both math and psych classes so much, I should have listened more to myself and not tried therapy at all. I really found it to be pointless. Much like negative numbers and base 10

I see people post about yarn. Oh my

We have so much yarn we can open a shop and my husband keeps buying more. Why oh why. Wherever we go we must visit yarn shops. And he buys yarn. And people in those shops start talking to me. I am like I know nothing. He is a knitter. Not me.

He had shoulder surgery and had to take a break so he hasn’t been knitting since summer. But he still buys yarn. Are you knitters all alike?🤣🤣😝😀

Alas, I think so. I crochet (never could learn knitting) but I'm the same way with yarn. I love looking at yarn, feeling yarn, smelling yarn, etc. I have so much. I've been pretty good about not buying it very often lately because one of my friends gave me a huge tub full that she inherited and won't use like 6 months ago or something. And I already had a pretty good stash before that. I love yarn!

My husband crochets too, although not as much. It’s an awesome hobby. I do get the desire for having more. Actually yarn looks pretty cool even if one doesn’t use it. It’s pretty! We have it in wicked baskets so it’s visible, I like how it looks!

It’s funny to me how people automatically think it’s me who is about to buy something.

If I were any kind of woodworking-type handy, I would build those criss-cross kinda shelves (that look like diamond shapes) to store my yarn in, all on one wall, sorted by color! A yarn room, with a big, overstuffed armchair that I could lay in and crochet. My sister has a sewing room, with one (narrow) wall that's all shelves, that she has filled with her fabric, ever since she put that together I have been envisioning a yarn room.