[queenie123]

Hello, I have no idea how to cope with the feelings i get when having my therapy session. How do you cope with the strong feelings of being rejected when you are baring your soul ? I am so scared of my therapist turning his back on me that it's making me physically sick yet I know that I need his help desperately.

Sorry for sounding so down about it, just not in a good place right now and very confused

queenie

[ECHOES]

Hi queenie and welcome!

Well, talk about it with him. Tell him what you're feeling and that it's one of your worries. And know that it can get better with lots of talking and with time.

If you search of the posts here using "abandon", "reject" or "transference", you'll find a lot of posts about worrying about T abandoning or rejecting. I worry still too and bring it up about every other session.

Here's a Question and Answer site I like that talks about it some, too: www.guidetopsychology.com.

Talking about your conern here isn't being down, it's just talking with us. Glad you're here!

[krazibean]

TALK TO HIM!!!!! Tell him. Key underlying issues right there in that post. i encourage you to tell him about these feelings. Thats the only way to work through them

Welcome to PC!

[lauren_helene]

I'm not sure how long you've been seeing your T but I'm entering two years and still struggle with this.

However, we turned a corner last night. I've learned for me that opening my heart to him tells him how I feel. He is receptive to that and we click.

We are both learning continously about each other. Therapy is definitely a complex process. Hang in there!

I say write your feelings down, write T a letter. Take it to your next session and see what happens.

> How do you cope with the strong feelings of being rejected when you are baring your soul ?

Well... I have two strategies. One of them is to try and talk to him about how I'm feeling. I can't really talk about it in person (too embarrassed / humiliated / ashamed). I typically send him an email and then REFUSE to acknowledge it in person...

Another strategy... Is to take extra special gentle care of myself. Sometimes the feelings of fear are really just so very intense that I feel physically ill. Sometimes that is kind of a signal from my body that I need to be really careful with myself. Maybe... Slow down a little.

One thing that can happen when people start therapy is that they really throw themselves into it a little too quickly too fast. Basically... Trust takes time. It takes time for us to get to have some basic feelings of trust that our therapist will be there. Only time will tell. If we push ourself to trust them before we know that they really will be there over time, sometimes our body can react to that, yeah.

Nothing risked, nothing gained. You really should be commended for taking some risks in telling your therapist stuff that is hard. That IS the way to get better. But that being said, the therapy relationship is ANOTHER way to get better. And the therapy relationship simply does take time. There is no short-cutting that.

Maybe... You could ease off a little? Talk about things that are hard, yeah. But maybe talk about things that are a little bit hard instead of the things that are truly terrifying?

If you talk to your therapist about this then it might be that your therapist can try and help with setting the pace. There is meant to be a 'theraputic window' where therapy is most effective. There need to be risks, yes. But those risks shouldn't be overwhelming.

Some of the things I do to cope:

Self soothing - take extra special gentle care of myself. Give myself inward hugs and kind and soothing words of reassurance. Take a bubblebath. Treat myself to a novel.

Distraction - try and focus my attention on something other than my thoughts / feelings. How birds sound. How running water feels. Go for a run. Watch some TV.

Hang in there.

[queenie123]

Thankyou so much for your replies. I will talk to him about it at my next session, i've had about 10 so far and yes I think I have gone into it all much too quickly. The lids on every box i've locked away seems to have opened themselves and so i'm telling him things that i'm not really ready to reveal just yet, the trust isn't there. I knew this would be difficult, I just had no idea exactly how difficult.

Reading what you have all put has been very helpful, a big thankyou from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to reply to me.

Thankyou

[MissCharlotte]

Hi Queenie,

Welcome.

Yeah, the realization of the difficulty is amazing isn't it? I have been humbled by it.

I have been with T for over a year now and I find my therapy a roller coaster ride. Just yesterday we had a discussion about abandonment which is one of my core issues. I have to discuss it over and over again.

Good luck. Stay the course. It sounds like you are doing great! (And I like Alex's idea for slowing down.)