Too much to handle...

This is my life in the last 10 years:

Broken marriage
Two more broken long term relationships
Dad had a stroke
Dad diagnosed with Alzheimers
Ex-husband remarries and says he's planning to have children (never wanted them with me)
More recent relationship remarries 6 months after he leaves me
Dad admitted to home 3 weeks ago
Mom sick from the stress of care-giving to my Dad
I lose it...

Does anyone out there understand how these events could cause anxiety and depression? My friends don't really seem to understand and can't see why I'm off work now for an extended period of time.

I just started Effexor today and have been weaning myself off of Ativan which I've been taking for about 5 weeks.

Tonight, I'm beside myself with anxiety. I feel guilty because I have only been to visit my dad once (it makes me so sad). I haven't been able to get out to see them because our weather has been bad and the highways to dangerous to drive on.

My self-esteem has been knocked around and stomped on so many times. People don't understand why I have such low self-esteem - they say I'm successful, smart, attractive, blah, blah, blah. I never believe a word of it.

I hate this. I don't want to live my life thinking I will never have a good person in my life again who will love me for who I am but I feel so totally hopeless right now. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS!

I really am not wallowing in self-pity - I hate when people pity me. I just don't understand why my life has taken these turns! I think I'm a good person and sometimes, people take advantage of that good in me and I end up a mess.

Anyone understand?

(((hugs)))) You have permission to not go see your dad right now. (Especially with physical reasons of weather!!!! That's tough enough when you are feeling up to it!)))

Thanks, Sky: It is very hard to see him in there - particularly because he doesn't like it there and wants to come home. It breaks my heart.

It's no wonder you are depressed, have low self-esteem, and anxiety! Those things would certainly do it to me!

If I counted all the things that happened in just the last 5-10 years for me, people would probably think I should be institutionalized! I mean, it's really a wonder why we don't crack after all the stuff that's happened to each of us in such little time!

I do understand!

I understand exactly how those events would make you depressed and anxious...they're not unlike what I've gone through.

You take every bit of time it takes for you to be stable and get healthy again...you need it and deserve it.

DJ

Thanks, Lexicon and DJ. At least someone understands. The question is...will I ever feel like good again? I know that is impossible to answer but I sure hope I do.

I haven't slept in 2 days with starting Effexor and weaning off of Ativan. That only makes me feel worse when I'm not rested. A sure hope I get used to the drug quickly and don't have to put up with the side effects for too long.

{{{{{OnEdge}}}}}

Probably all or most of us who post here have family members and/or friends who don't understand what we go through. One of the reasons there's a caring community here who will listen and in turn vent when needed.

You are going through a LOT in a short space of time. If you weren't depressed or anxious I'd be worried about you...those are the folks that keep their feelings pushed down and it catches up with them later.

As for getting better - I can only speak from my experiences I have felt better, sometimes to the point that I can't even remember what the depression/anxiety felt like. The last time I had a depression like this was 10 years ago. When we're IN a depressive mode, it feels like we'll NEVER feel better. Trust me...I've felt that many times in the last 5 months. But I hang on to the knowledge that I've come out of these before and I will again. ~smiles~

Much warmth,

I hear you! You're under a lot of pressure... not weird that you're reacting like this. I'm there too... right now.
Not easy to handle... but hang on!
Talk to us here and we can support each other!

Hopefully, you will feel good again...if nothing else, you'll get to where you feel good some days and not so good on others, which isn't SO bad.

Effexor is a good drug, one of the best AD's for chronic depression, IMHO...and don't forget excercise, proper diet, getting out of the house, therapy and peer support; you know, all that stuff you REALLY don't want to hassle with... It's all very important to recovery.

Good Luck...

DJ

Do I ever hear you. That exactly the kind of place I''m in.. single mother, care giver to an elderly mother...

We forget to take time to care for ourselves and feel guilty if we do.

Please try to take time to be good for yourself and promise yourself not to feel guilty.

Wow, you are all so amazing. I thought my thread was buried already...thanks so much for your support.

DJ, I've been trying to get back to the gym and to get out with friends and it takes a lot of pushing. Tonight, I had dinner with friends and kinda had a bit of an anxiety attack. I just wanted to be at home right that minute! It was snowing like mad and I had to do a 20 minute drive on bad roads so that didn't help.

I truly hope the Effexor acts quickly. I'm on such a low dose to start (splitting a 37.5 mg capsule!) Tonight, I'm feeling tingling and headachy.

Hearing from each of and every one of you is appreciated so much.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT...