[SarahSweden]

I see a counselor who's not a therapist and we're not doing therapy but I see her for "supportive chats".

What I've now noticed several times is that she has begun to take days off for hobbies and because of different private reasons.

Of course it's ok to take some time off when a relative just died or when you're sick but my counselor has just recently stayed at home to train and to be with her dog. Today she told me I can't see her as usual next week because it's her adult daughter's birthday on that day we usually meet.

I find it strange that her supervisor allows her to be away as much as she is and due to such reasons I now mentioned. I feel my counselor tries to find reasons to be away instead of focusing on her patients during the week.

She's always free on Saturdays and Sundays and still she took a day off just because it's her daughters birthday, to me that's not ok as it affects me and other patients.

Both her attitude and the facilities attitude towards patients is a bit nonchalant as I see it. They seem to do a bit as they want and I assume one reason is that my counselor isn't seeing any patients for therapy. But still, it's way too easy for them to prioritise themselves and what they feel like doing.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I see a counselor who's not a therapist and we're not doing therapy but I see her for "supportive chats".

What I've now noticed several times is that she has begun to take days off for hobbies and because of different private reasons.

Of course it's ok to take some time off when a relative just died or when you're sick but my counselor has just recently stayed at home to train and to be with her dog. Today she told me I can't see her as usual next week because it's her adult daughter's birthday on that day we usually meet.

I find it strange that her supervisor allows her to be away as much as she is and due to such reasons I now mentioned. I feel my counselor tries to find reasons to be away instead of focusing on her patients during the week.

She's always free on Saturdays and Sundays and still she took a day off just because it's her daughters birthday, to me that's not ok as it affects me and other patients.

Both her attitude and the facilities attitude towards patients is a bit nonchalant as I see it. They seem to do a bit as they want and I assume one reason is that my counselor isn't seeing any patients for therapy. But still, it's way too easy for them to prioritise themselves and what they feel like doing.

many therapists that I have seen take time off about every three months or so. this is to prevent treatment provider "burn out" like my last therapist said to me "imagine listening to 8 to 10 peoples problems for 8-15 hours a day, sometimes 7 days a week and sometimes when on call 24/7 for a week or two, helping them to solve those problems, how does one person not get tired and bogged down by other peoples baggage? I bet if you think about it you will find that you have that one friend who is constantly needs you to listen and help them. imagine how those times when you have looked at the phone and thought oh man not again and not answer that call imagine it being your job so you are unable to go with out answering that call for help. and you have to do this with so many people a day so many hours a week so many days a week? my answer was yea I can now see why you take so many days off and why your job requires you to use your paid vacation time every few months or so.

I know that with me if I was constantly finding fault with a counselor / therapist/ or psychiatrist thats a red flag for me that this is not a good fit and its time to say good bye to them and find someone else who better fits me.

She is legally entitled to annual leave. She can use this for whatever reason she likes including sitting on her arsenal and doing nothing, never mind for family birthdays. I take annual leave regularly and sometimes for no reason at all, despite it distressing the students with mental health conditions who I support.

Having said that, I am outraged every time my therapist takes time off because I want her to myself!

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist used to cancel a lot with her other clients when we went to virtual. She never cancelled with me though. She met with me one time and then explained that she had to cancel all her afternoon appointments because she was sick.

I don’t know why she never cancelled with me. Probably because she’d think I’d have a meltdown or something and I was the least understanding of her clients.

Maybe she thinks you are understanding.

[divine1966]

If she has vacation days/personal days allowed per her contract she is allowed to take them for any reason or no reason. Typically people entitled to those.

Of course it’s preferable if she schedules them ahead of time, like a month in advance, not a week. That could be frustrating. So I understand that short notice is irritating.

But other than that she likely has vacation days she can use here and there, not necessarily going away on vacation. That’s likely what she uses those days for: birthdays or hobbies etc It’s not against the law. When someone dies, those are likely separately allowed days for bereavement. When she is sick, those would be sick days. Often separate from vacation days

Her having Saturday and Sunday off doesn’t mean she has no vacation/personal days in her contract. She very likely has those days like everyone else. In many work places if you don’t use these days, you lose them. So it’s often encouraged to take those days for whatever private reasons.

[divine1966]

I looked up and every employee in Sweden is entitled to at least 25 days a year for holiday/vacation. It’s roughly 5 weeks total. Those do not include Saturday and Sunday. Now if she takes more than 25 a year maybe her work gives more as 25 is minimum or maybe her contract allows for extra personal days in addition to these 25.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, I know it´s perfectly legal for her to take a day off here and there and as you said, she´s entitled to at least 25 days, at her age it´s even more. But that´s not my point here, I´m regarding how suitable it is when having such an occupation as she has, within health care.

When talking about counseling and therapy in general it´s often said that it´s important with continuity and to be able to trust a counselor to be there on the scheduled time. If a therapist or a counselor often takes days off, the continuity and the trust weakens.

When I mentioned her having Saturdays and Sundays off, my thought was that often you then plan to have a birthday party on the weekend, not during the weekdays. Of course you could but I assume most of their relatives aren´t unemployed and they wont be able to come to a party on a weekday.

It´s so easy for her to just take days off but for her patients it might not be that easy and I think she doesn´t show that much understanding.

Originally Posted by divine1966

If she has vacation days/personal days allowed per her contract she is allowed to take them for any reason or no reason. Typically people entitled to those.

Of course it’s preferable if she schedules them ahead of time, like a month in advance, not a week. That could be frustrating. So I understand that short notice is irritating.

But other than that she likely has vacation days she can use here and there, not necessarily going away on vacation. That’s likely what she uses those days for: birthdays or hobbies etc It’s not against the law. When someone dies, those are likely separately allowed days for bereavement. When she is sick, those would be sick days. Often separate from vacation days

Her having Saturday and Sunday off doesn’t mean she has no vacation/personal days in her contract. She very likely has those days like everyone else. In many work places if you don’t use these days, you lose them. So it’s often encouraged to take those days for whatever private reasons.

[divine1966]

I understand that it’s frustrating when you don’t get to see a therapist or a counselor because she took a day off, I get how you feel, but sometimes the way we feel doesn’t match the reality of life.

Reality is that people are entitled to their days off, regardless what field it is. It doesn’t matter if she has a birthday party or her daughter wants to spend quiet day with her mother or maybe they have a family tradition they follow that day. Her daughter might want or need her mother that day for whatever reason. It might be important for reason we are not privy to.

These are her days given to her by law and work contract. When you had a job, did you take days off? Or do you think people in health care aren’t entitled to vacation days they are given and likely are encouraged to take?

Do you object to short notices or to her taking days off for personal/family reasons? I do get objection to short notices. It would be nice to know ahead of time.

I urged you to bring it up to her so it could open a conversation about work and personal obligations and how to balance it.

[ArtleyWilkins]

They are her days to take as she wishes. My husband's doctor just took a week off to travel out of the country. Not convenient when we're trying to coordinate treatment at the hospital, but I don't begrudge him his vacation time with his family either. Health professionals have just as much right to time off as any other profession. One of the benefits of acquiring years with many companies is the additional vacation time you can accrue. And in some companies, you use it or lose it.

Whatever the case, you can certainly bring this up to her, so that she might be able to give you more notice, but she is not really obligated to do so.

[daisydid]

From another perspective, I think that most would agree that time to spend with family or time to explore personal hobbies is in the best interest of the counselor, especially for their mental health. That’s why employers give their employees time off. A healthy and happy person is a more productive person. She’s likely able to be better to you because she engages in self care.

I actually worry about my therapist. Since I’ve begun seeing him he’s not taken off hardly any time at all. I see him twice a week and it would be disruptive to me if he did but I would fully support him in doing it.

[nottrustin]

I can understand the frustration when our counselors are out for me it throws things out of wack. That being said regardless of ones occupation time off for good self care is important.

I am on vacation this for no other reason than I am burning out. I have been trying to do the work of three different people on three different units for months. It will be very difficult for my coworkers and even some of my patients. However, I know having me push myself and completely burning will cost more in the end. So my plans for the week, reading sleeping late, going for walks and hiking.

As far as you counselor goes it sounds like is trying to practice good self care. Maybe it is in ways that you would not but it is what makes her feel replenished.

[Rive.]

find it strange that her supervisor allows her to be away as much as she is and due to such reasons I now mentioned.

What is so strange about that?! Of course she is entitled to take time off for family or holiday reasons.

So much focus on the therapist's life. Is that what you want the focus of your therapy to be on, your therapist's life?

[nottrustin]

Is this really a out her taking time off or is it about her spending time with family and doing fun things you do not have or cannot afford?

I can understand being upset knowing that she is taking time off to train a dog. Also it would be frustrating to me that she cancelled the next session for her daughters birthday, she knew about a long time ago. I get that.

My issue would be with her communicating all that to me. I would much prefer more time in advance for the missed session as well as not knowing why. I do recognize some folks want to know what T's do in their spare time. There are many reasons to not know as well.

OP I have understood some previous posts as being problems about communication. This sounds similar in my opinion. It must be challenging having a person for supportive chats but not a therapists who might both communicate less about their own life and keep a more consistant meeting schdule.

It definitely makes sense to take time off. How it's planned and communicated is important in therapy.

[divine1966]

I wonder if it’s a “supportive chat” she feels like chatting about dog or other stuff. My former t used to tell me about vacations she went on and how long she’d be gone. It didn’t bother me. I think in Saras situation if it’s upsetting, it might be better not to know why she took a day off. But it’s also important to figure out why Sara is upset. Sometimes “why” we are upset is important. Change of plan or other reasons

[SarahSweden]

Thanks for your understanding.

Yes, I think with her daughter´s birthday, that was just a thing that came up, as you say she could have planned that as she knows the date. My counselor knows I´m free during most of the week and by that she probably doesn´t think it´s important to let me know longer than a week before or so.

I think it´s not suitable for a counselor or a therapist to plan her time the way my counselor does as she plans from week to week and her patients are expected to adjust to her plans. It´s her job, not some kind of volunteer work she does when she feels like it.

I know some therapists are really strict when it comes to scheduling and they take time off only during Christmas, Easter and during summer. That´s of course fine as I see it but not to cancel several single days a year, like once a month or so.

As you point to my counselor isn´t a therapist and even if I would tell her that her cancelling sessions triggers me in several ways, she wouldn´t be able to help me process that.

Originally Posted by Fewmiled

I can understand being upset knowing that she is taking time off to train a dog. Also it would be frustrating to me that she cancelled the next session for her daughters birthday, she knew about a long time ago. I get that.

My issue would be with her communicating all that to me. I would much prefer more time in advance for the missed session as well as not knowing why. I do recognize some folks want to know what T's do in their spare time. There are many reasons to not know as well.

OP I have understood some previous posts as being problems about communication. This sounds similar in my opinion. It must be challenging having a person for supportive chats but not a therapists who might both communicate less about their own life and keep a more consistant meeting schdule.

It definitely makes sense to take time off. How it's planned and communicated is important in therapy.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. To me there´s a big difference if my counselor cancels because of needing to see a dentist or a doctor or because of a death in her family or similar or if she cancels (and also cancels late) because she feels like spending time with a relative or to train her dog.

If she worked within administration only and no other people were directly affected I think it´s perfecly fine to decide to take a day off just because you feel like it and you get an offer about a party or whatever. But not when you work as my counselor does, within health care and with patients.

I think a counselor should then stick to the scheduled times from week to week and then take time off during bigger holidays like Christmas, Easter and during summer.

If she had just told me she wanted to take some time off and not why I had suspected it was because of something family or hobby related and I had still felt bad about it. As many patients within psychiatry often have a difficult situation, living by their own and so on I think it´s unsuitable for counselors and therapists to reveal they are going to a birthday party, on a vacation and similar. They should understand it can be very triggering to their patients.

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Is this really a out her taking time off or is it about her spending time with family and doing fun things you do not have or cannot afford?

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, I fully agree on the importance of the reason and the "why" in this situation. My counselor would though never engage in such a conversation nor would she be able to dig deeper into why I felt like this when she cancelled our session.

Other times when I´ve expressed disappointment she just pretended like nothing happened the next time I saw her. One time I also cancelled my session and told her how I felt but when we met in person, she said nothing and she didn´t comment when I told her we could talk about what happened.

Originally Posted by divine1966

I wonder if it’s a “supportive chat” she feels like chatting about dog or other stuff. My former t used to tell me about vacations she went on and how long she’d be gone. It didn’t bother me. I think in Saras situation if it’s upsetting, it might be better not to know why she took a day off. But it’s also important to figure out why Sara is upset. Sometimes “why” we are upset is important. Change of plan or other reasons

[divine1966]

Well if the issue is her sharing too much and triggering you or giving short notices or not discussing why you are upset, then those are valid issues and you should discuss it with her.

If the issue is her taking days off then those are her legitimate days she is allowed to take. There is nothing you can do about it.

Death in the family isn’t the same, those are bereavement days. Seeing a doctor would be a sick day.

Vacation and personal days are different. Taking them for pursuing a hobby or spending time with family is not only appropriate, it’s what people take vacation days for! What do you think people take vacations for? No, death or sickness isn’t what vacation is for. She uses vacation days for a valid reason. Hobbies and family

If her work place doesn’t demand she only takes days during Christmas or Easter then she is free to take those days at other times. She is governed by her work place policies. Perhaps she is told to use her days by April 1st when a new cycle starts. She might HAVE to take these days now.

So it’s important to really face it what are you exactly upset about. If it’s about sharing, it might be wise to ask her to stop sharing. But then you’ll be guessing why she took a day off. What’s the true issue? How can you take focus of therapists lives and place it on your life and steps of improving it. Therapists and counselors are just people and yes they have lives outside of a clinic and they aren’t perfect

[*Beth*]

How is your relationship with your counselor different than it would be with a therapist?

[divine1966]

Did you ever undergo evaluation in order to perhaps have a real diagnosis? Years ago you said one psychologist made some suggestions but I am not sure if you ever followed through.

I am concerned that you don’t seem to be getting anywhere with all these therapists and now not a therapist but a counselor. By now there should be some type of treatment or something. To all fairness your grievances against this lady are very similar to your complaints against all therapists. They were very much identical complaints.

So when you say she couldn’t help you because she isn’t a therapist, therapists couldn’t either. Something just isn’t happening. What does your GP say? Psychiatrist? Is health care system just let you suffer and nothing is happening? What does your counselor report to her supervisor?

At this point I’d demand evaluation and diagnosis and plan of improvement/treatment plan and demand to see sessions notes. Where is all this going? I don’t understand what are they doing in this clinic? “Supportive chat” leaves you upset and aggravated. Something just isn’t right

[Shotokan]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Did you ever undergo evaluation in order to perhaps have a real diagnosis? Years ago you said one psychologist made some suggestions but I am not sure if you ever followed through.

I am concerned that you don’t seem to be getting anywhere with all these therapists and now not a therapist but a counselor. By now there should be some type of treatment or something. To all fairness your grievances against this lady are very similar to your complaints against all therapists. They were very much identical complaints.

So when you say she couldn’t help you because she isn’t a therapist, therapists couldn’t either. Something just isn’t happening. What does your GP say? Psychiatrist? Is health care system just let you suffer and nothing is happening? What does your counselor report to her supervisor?

At this point I’d demand evaluation and diagnosis and plan of improvement/treatment plan and demand to see sessions notes. Where is all this going? I don’t understand what are they doing in this clinic? “Supportive chat” leaves you upset and aggravated. Something just isn’t right

This is a very helpful and informative post.

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I see a counselor who's not a therapist and we're not doing therapy but I see her for "supportive chats".

What I've now noticed several times is that she has begun to take days off for hobbies and because of different private reasons.

Of course it's ok to take some time off when a relative just died or when you're sick but my counselor has just recently stayed at home to train and to be with her dog. Today she told me I can't see her as usual next week because it's her adult daughter's birthday on that day we usually meet.

I find it strange that her supervisor allows her to be away as much as she is and due to such reasons I now mentioned. I feel my counselor tries to find reasons to be away instead of focusing on her patients during the week.

She's always free on Saturdays and Sundays and still she took a day off just because it's her daughters birthday, to me that's not ok as it affects me and other patients.

Both her attitude and the facilities attitude towards patients is a bit nonchalant as I see it. They seem to do a bit as they want and I assume one reason is that my counselor isn't seeing any patients for therapy. But still, it's way too easy for them to prioritise themselves and what they feel like doing.

SarahSweden, I've read your posts for several years and it seems to me that you have never been happy with anyone you've seen, whether for therapy or "supportive chats." The woman you are currently seeing has every right to tend to her family and her hobbies. So do you. I know you've said in the past that you have no hobbies and no friends, but maybe it's time to get some.
That said, I know how hard is to be alone. There are millions of "how to" videos on youtube, and maybe you can watch some and learn a craft, and then find new friends in your city that also do that craft. It's not much, but it's a start.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

SarahSweden, I've read your posts for several years and it seems to me that you have never been happy with anyone you've seen, whether for therapy or "supportive chats." The woman you are currently seeing has every right to tend to her family and her hobbies. So do you. I know you've said in the past that you have no hobbies and no friends, but maybe it's time to get some.
That said, I know how hard is to be alone. There are millions of "how to" videos on youtube, and maybe you can watch some and learn a craft, and then find new friends in your city that also do that craft. It's not much, but it's a start.

If cost is understandably an issue, walking or other outdoors groups are typically free. There are meetups and other social or craft groups available in Sweden.

[ScarletPimpernel]

It seems like most the problems you have with your therapists/counselors are things you're jealous of. From my perspective, it seems like you want them to have a similar life as you. Try switching that and aim to have a life like they do. Try finding a job, joining a social group (like mentioned above), get out and go for a walk, window shop, go to a park, etc. Enrich your life some. Maybe then you won't focus so much on what your therapists do have that you don't.