Couch 228--The Wellness Couch

Haha aww Artie you didn't even last ten minutes you're such a poet at heart

Finally got around to emailing Info about how bad our last session was. (I had to wait until I could resist the urge to swear at her.)

In writing it I realized something: she’s always in a freaking hurry. Like if I fall silent, she won’t just let me be till I want to speak again, she pushes and pokes or tries to change the topic, assuming I’m done with the old one. Or she went way too fast with EMDR stimuli. Or 10-15 minutes before the end of every session she starts asking “anything else?” even though I’ve pointed out that that is annoying to me, plus I am quite capable of managing session time.

I am starting to think she doesn’t even reach the level of “mediocre.” Which was basically her big attraction, mediocrity.

Well. Time for today’s short story submission.

That question would annoy me the first time or two, but after that I would find it infuriating. It seems so dismissive. I would hear "are you done yet?" if I got that question.

Something very similar happened in group once. It was the first session after the fire. I had already been in contact with the other group members, but the therapist didn't know what had happened, so I went first that day and talked for a bit. At some point, she asked one of the others a question, then turned quickly to me and asked if I was finished. It made me feel bad, like I'd been hogging all the session time and everyone must be sick of me and my problems.

"Anything else?" Ugh. I'm angrily annoyed for you.

Geez i cant spend all night on the google lookin these up Im tryin ta clean up my mail.

Eta - man i exercised so hard on the little bike this afternoon. I got all hot, and then i collapsed asleep. I exercised right after i ate breakfast, well at 2pm. I could still be feeling weird from my 2nd moderna shot. I dont feel like dinner.

I listen to a lot of speeches by Les Brown, who has said the same thing!

You're supposed to take it easy!!!

This:

Not this or

I only justbrealised that its a sonbrero that emoji is wearing all these years i thought it was a garbage bin lid

My dad was cruel to me yesterday.

We were talking about giving gifts for Father's day. I told him I'm not getting my brother in law a gift because I'm not giving H a gift. He said that brother in law was a father and H was not. I said that H gave me a beanie baby for Mother's day. He said why, you're not a mother!

I feel so hurt. I'm not a mother not by choice. Yes the likelihood of it happening is slim to none, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be.

I hate holidays.

Hugs, Scarlet, that was really awful of your father to say.

When did you get the second shot? I had the 24 hours of body aches and some chills, but loss of appetite was a side effect that lasted for days after both shots (I got Pfizer, but they're both similar shots).

Wednesday i got the shot, and thursday i super-exercised. I am feeling better friday morning. But man yesterday, my fanny was dragging. I am almost perky now.

Scarlet, you deserve a dad who isn't cruel.

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm sorry your father said that. I would have felt hurt too.

Sometimes my subconscious decides I need a slap up side the head and at the end of a dream throws some Latin at me to make sure I get its point.

End of last night’s dream, it was “divulgenda sum,” the -nd- a kind of Latin construction that means something must happen. So that translates to “I must be made known.”

Fine...except the setting of the dream was a nightmare, that I was hiding from some kind of Holocaust situation in a small attic room, much like Anne Frank. Being made known doesn’t seem like a great idea under those circumstances.

Tomorrow is go to shelter and pick out cat day! So excited. Went to dreaded Walmart to buy some new cat things in anticipation of the new cat. Got a bed, a stratchy thing, some toys, a collar, some bowls, some food (Amelia has food but Amelia only likes to eat crap food. I try to feed her the more expensive stuff and she won't eat it. So I am trying to do better with new cat). I set everything up in the spare room so I can put new cat in there assuming I get a new cat tomorrow. And that will give her space and time to get used to the sounds in the house and get used to us. I don't anticipate there being any problems with Amelia because Amelia is very submissive and compliant. So if new cat is bossy, she will be okay. If new cat is also submissive, I don't know what will happen. I know cats usually form some sort of hierarchy. Esther was definitely queen bee. Amelia was like Queen's attendant. But they got along in the end. Even grooming each other.


My Mom's dog will probably bark at new cat and that might unsettle the cat. But at least said dog is about cat sized and besides on occasion chasing Amelia through the house, she seems content to let Amelia stay there. I'm a little more concerned introducing new cat and the dog but if she has been in the shelter for a while maybe she is used to barking and stuff. Amelia took about 7 to 10 days to fully come out of the spare room and begin exploring the house. I know it can take considerably less time if the cat is more outgoing and social (which I am hoping for). Dad and I will be gone on Sunday but Mom will be home so I told Mom everything she will need to do for new cat to make sure new cat is taken care of and is being socialized to the family. Mom is up to the task. She did a lot of the early socialization with Amelia because I work and my Mom is home all day.


I am just excited for the prospect of new cat. I hope that I find the perfect new cat and that all will be well with the family dynamics (dog, Amelia). There's an orange cat on the website that catches my eye as well as a sort of stripy one. Maybe one of them will be the new cat. Can't wait for tomorrow!

Dr. T told me his (former) office fish, the red betta, died last night. I ended up crying over it. It was the one who tended to swim excitedly when I sat down, and Dr. T said how she seemed to like me more than him. He even let me feed her once. So perhaps it's good we were meeting virtually today due to the rain. So that I wasn't crying over his fish outside a coffee shop.

We are hoping to meet outside in person Monday, though it may be hot. He warned me that he would likely be wearing shorts and tennis shoes. I said I didn't care, that I was actually going to tell him before he said that to wear what would be comfortable in the heat. Though I added, "Maybe not a Speedo," which made him laugh.

ETA: I think the fish upset me mostly because it was a part of his office to me. And it's been 15 months since I've been in there (though I often see it in the background because he tends to meet from there). He said today that he hopes he can be seeing clients in there again by the end of summer, but we'll see...

So sorry about T's Fish LT. You've talked about it some here on the forums so I know it was an important fixture to you. HUGS Be gentle with yourself.

We had some fish when I was little. I could not tell them apart and it is entirely possible my parents just kept replacing them and not telling us.

Thanks, Kit!


I hope you're able to find a good cat. I know from looking up animals on Petfinder that they'll often say if animals are good with, say, other cats, dogs, kids, etc. So maybe you can find a cat that once lived with another cat and a dog? They should have some sort of history on them. Like when I adopted my guinea pigs (from a shelter), they had a bit of background, including stuff like where they did and didn't like to be pet, that they'd formerly lived with a dog, etc.

LT, sorry about the fish. I used to fish-sit a coworker's betta, and i know he recognized me too.

My take :

She was a writer and so are you. The work you submitted to the group was revealing. Background situation = fear.

There's nothing more personal then a diary. You also have your story to tell. “I must be made known.” The real you must come out in your work.

If possible maybe just also make sure that Amelia has her own quiet space away from new cat too.

Thank you for always making me laugh.

You didn't deserve that.

Slap bang in the middle of consecutive crises is not a good time to try and 'tackle' emotional eating, right?

I'm still reeling after what I found out yesterday, on top of a couple of other things that have happened over the last couple of months.

I have no idea what I need at the moment.