Couch 229 - Acetominphen and

I'm sorry you feel that you were too hasty, Cake. I hope there's something you can do today to support yourself.

Ugh, my vortioxetine is giving me a bad TMI problem.

TMI below

Hey Lemoncake, you deserve support and to voice your needs.

Being direct is not one of my strengths. I have a half-finished email to R about something that came up casually in session, but I can't bring myself to ask the actual question.

I feel like it's worth having a conversation about it, but I don't know whether I would be able to hold it together.

I'm grateful I always have my brother. Currently messaging with him now too.

Maybe you could write it out so she's aware, but ask to talk about it later when you feel stronger/ more able?

Thanks, Cake.

I've been hoping it would become an irrelevant conversation, instead it seems to have become more relevant. Talk about how things 'used to be' makes me think that getting back to normal is no longer an option. Some things are starting to come back, but others seem to be taking longer.

I wish I had something to say that could help. Sending you love. We just need to ride out this storm a little bit longer.

Turns out there are a lot of kinds of prunes at my local supermarket . Couldn't find bran flakes, but I found oatmeal. Which can apparently be eaten with cold milk like cereal. Worth a shot, I am losing weight unintentionally (not healthy for me) because of depression, so I'm trying various things to eat more.

I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

I had a similar clash with Madame T. So I stopped sending emails and wrote notes instead. I don't think she liked that either! But she didn't tell me to stop.

She never explained, but I speculate that she was concerned that whatever I wrote, be it email or notes, came from the head and not from the heart. I would have too much opportunity to censor myself and construct a self-consistent narrative. No freudian slips, and my position would have solidified before she had a chance to explore other interpretations.

P.S. She really didn't like the way my narrative held together. She'd say, "You always have an answer for everything, " as if that were a crime!

P.P.S. Conversely, she would say, "You always take everything I say as gospel," as if I were foolish for believing her.

Booo!

Artie, I'm glad it sounds like something reversible or at least that can be controlled. I used to copy edit for a science journal that often involved articles on the liver, and NAFLD is apparently very common (like, I read what you posted and thought "oh, NAFLD"). So there should be lots of research out there on it and knowledge about treatments.

Hugs, Lemon. I imagine you are tired. You've worked so hard with all of your exams, etc. I so hope you are able to get some rest. You are worth taking care of.

I'll give stuff a try. I definitely struggle to drink enough water.

Thank you artie bean.

I feel so hopeless and i can't shake it off.

I'm scared that I can't do this long-distance thing with my BF. We've only been apart for two weeks, and it's already excruciating.

He's the only person I've ever been in love with, I'm the only person that he's ever been in love with, and I love him so freaking much. But given my neediness and insecurity, combined with his independence and emotional self-possession, being physically apart is full of landmines. I'm all, "he didn't text me to say good morning right when he woke up, does he still love me?" and "he got stuck at work and rescheduled a TV date; he isn't prioritizing our relationship which must mean he doesn't want to do this anymore."

Maybe I'm just spiraling -- I have some sort of illness (fever, malaise, congestion), just moved across the country (no furniture, boxes everywhere), and am spending my days coughing and shaking on a mattress topper thrown on the worn carpet of my new bedroom waiting for my new job to start. He booked tickets to come here for Labor Day, and is planning to come here for my vacation in November so that we can have a driving trip up the coast. He texted me this morning telling me he wishes he could bring me soup, that he got breakfast at our favorite place but it's just not the same when I'm not there. Maybe he and I just have to find a rhythm.

Hugs, Chihiro. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I do think it will help some once your job starts and you're more occupied with things and meet your colleagues and other people in the area. I hope you're able to work out the long-distance relationship. I know it's really hard (and I suck at this myself), but try not to think about how it might end. Could you maybe tell him (if you haven't already) that you need extra reassurance right now, because it's difficult for you to adjust to the distance? I hope you can find ways to connect despite being apart--the TV show watching seems like a good idea, things that you can share despite being distanced.

Thanks, LT. I did ask him for reassurance, and he reassured me but it didn't last

Well, Dr. T will have his work cut out for him Monday/next week. I dropped my D off at my parents' for an overnight, and while there, my mom let me know they just found out one of their friends had passed away, a guy who used to come over to their house every Christmas Eve with his then-wife (they divorced maybe 15 years ago), and we'd usually go to their house around the holidays, too, so it's all tied up in childhood for me (plus, I think maybe I had a bit of a crush on him as a kid...)

AND my father said they'd found some stuff of mine from high school--did I want to go through it? So I went through a bit of it, picking stuff to bring home. It includes things like journals and poetry from late high school/freshman year of college.

I'm also going back and forth between "Wow, I was a terrible poet" and "Hm, maybe I should write more poetry..." The imagery I had in one of them was interesting. And a particular line: "I'm just a moment in your life, but you're an hour in mine" (referencing a teacher). Though I don't know, maybe I (consciously or subconsciously) stole that from somewhere.

It seems like my therapist and I keep having these small moments of misattunement and it's bugging me. We were supposed to meet on Wednesday and Friday this week. During Wednesday's session he said it'd be really difficult to meet on Friday but that we could meet on Saturday. I told him that was fine, but then added that I knew he was probably travelling and if we couldn't meet that was fine. I picked up on a sense of relief when I told him that, but he went ahead and said he'd be in touch with me on either Friday night or on Saturday to set a time. Later, after the session, I started thinking about that sense of relief I got from him. I ended up emailing him and suggesting not to worry about Saturday, that we could meet once he's back in town. I said he probably needed a break and I didn't want to feel like a chore he had to take care of.

I figured I'd get some sort of response to that email at some point. Well, now it's mid-afternoon Saturday and I haven't gotten a response to that email or an email arranging a time or telling me he can't meet for whatever reason. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to at least acknowledge my email? It seems like if he did not want to have a phone session, he would at least say something even though my email was suggesting to not worry about Saturday. This is exactly the scenario I didn't want; sitting around waiting for him to email me.

Hugs, NP. I agree that he definitely should have acknowledged your email, even just to say, "OK, thanks, we'll meet when I'm back in town."

Going through old stuff can be really hard. I went through my senior yearbook a few weeks ago and ended up seriously depressed. Luckily I had a session that day so I had someone to process those feelings with.

Yeah i need to stop responding to my highschool reunion facebook posts. I feel like i should add the SNL Debby Downer sound effect to whatever i say. Womp womp womp!

Eta - its like this perverse depressed part of me pops up and talks and says all this weird shyte. Like the class president wrote, "remember this landmark?" I thought my mother died and my fathers weird arse reaction scarred me for life." Talk about your thread killer. I should have added, yes i BEEN in therapy!